


The Footsteps of Giants, Gods, and Monsters

by LaviBookman, SylanaMotara (IrelaNictari)



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies), 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Dead Oda Sakunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Fluff and Smut, I can't believe that's actually a tag, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jaegers (Pacific Rim), Let Chuuya drive damn it, M/M, Mechanic!Chuuya, Oda's kids are still alive and they'll show up, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Medical Experimentation, Pilot!Chuuya, Pilot!Dazai, Please check the chapters for trigger warnings, Poor Dazai, also a lot more smut than we planned, they'll switch it up, things are going to get seriously dark later, this story is NOT going to follow the movie timeline, this wasn't supposed to be a dark AU, trigger warnings to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 75,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22445596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaviBookman/pseuds/LaviBookman, https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrelaNictari/pseuds/SylanaMotara
Summary: Chuuya's always looked up at the Jaegers and thought 'One day.'Unable to find a partner to drift with, he's been stuck on the sidelines, turning to building them if he couldn't pilot.Until Dazai comes along and the two of them find more than just a drift partner in each other.
Relationships: Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 138





	1. First contact

**Author's Note:**

> So one day I had this idea, along with an FMA crossover because apparently that's all I'm cursed to write, and immediately passed it on to Syl cause I knew I wouldn't have any luck doing it alone. This is what we've come up with so far, and we hope you enjoy it! It's going to be yet another crazy road XD - Lavi

"God damn it." Chuuya muttered as he spun the piece around. It was supposedly to specs, but something was still off about it, something he couldn't put a finger on yet. He'd spent so much time on his Jaeger he knew the thing in and out, every screw, wire, and seam. 

Sighing, he set it aside for now on the ground by the Jaeger's feet. He would have to inspect it further later and compare it to his notes. Maybe it was a density issue. Instead, for now he brought up another piece, inspecting it for a moment before nodding, finding it satisfactory for the moment. Reducing gravity, he lifted both himself and the piece into the air, bringing them up to hover by the catwalks. Personally he found his ability incredibly useful here; being able to lift incredibly heavy pieces of this or that and move them wherever he needed solo... No other Jaeger had this level of dedication. 

Mark 1 Jaegers were scrapped together in 14 months. Chuuya was hoping he'd get his own done by then. 

Tools in hand, the redhead began working. The work wasn’t exactly mind-numbing, but it was pleasantly uncomplicated. Not the sort of complicated he didn’t like, anyway. Hooking up the various tubes and components to wire it didn’t take long in his mind, but as he was bringing up another piece to inspect it, he found himself jumping as an unfamiliar voice spoke up behind him. 

“Having some issues?” The intruder was a tall brunette with dark eyes and longish, messy hair. He stepped around the piece on the floor, heading for the table where Chuuya had laid out his blueprints and scanned them, a low whistle escaping from his lips. “Wow, this thing really is a mishmash, isn’t it? You’ve got Mark IV and V systems running off a Mark III core? How are you balancing the power requirements?”

“Very carefully.” It was a good thing Chuuya didn’t jump and release _For the Tainted Sorrow_ cause of the idiot behind him. Most crew members knew by now to avoid startling him, but this guy must be new. Finishing up the last connection, he turned to face the speaker though he stayed by the jaeger, looking the newcomer up and down. Yup, definitely new. “I’m avoiding heavily powered weapons, so they don’t draw too much from the core systems, but some of the newer specs are too good to pass up. Who the fuck are you, anyway?”

“Dazai. Dazai Osamu. Just transferred in from the Hokkaido branch. You’re Nakahara Chuuya, correct? They said you’d be down here.” He walked back over to the piece Chuuya had discarded and poked it a few times, then picked up a nearby wrench and tapped the sides. Frowning at the sound, he looked up. “No wonder you rejected this piece. The alloy’s all wrong. It would’ve crumpled the second it got hit. Good eye catching that.”

Dazai looked up again, studying Chuuya appreciatively. “That is an incredibly useful Ability. Ever use it in combat?”

“Dazai? As in…” The redhead trailed off into silence. Dazai and Oda Sakunosuke’s jaeger, _Flawless_ had been incredibly good on the field, until their final fight. It was speculated that Oda’s escape pod had malfunctioned, and Dazai had refused to give a public response to the matter. After that the pilot had gone off the radar. What was he doing here? Chuuya had thought that the other had given up piloting, never to return. “You’ve probably heard that a lot.”  
He watched as the brunette tapped at the piece. It was good to know that he had been right, even if he hadn’t known why. If this was the Dazai who had been part of _Flawless_ it made sense that he’d have an idea of the jaeger’s structure, but most pilots didn’t spend time learning about the materials and tech sides of things. 

“Sometimes. It comes in handy in fights. Why?”

“Yes, I have. Thank you for not saying it again. And I ask because it appears we’re both in search of a partner. You seem to know your way around a Jaeger. How much do you know about _Soukoku?”_

Chuuya paused as he was about to turn back toward his work, looking back at Dazai. There was truth in his words, although the redhead wasn’t sure how much. 

“No problem. I figure everybody bringing up a topic like that gets old quickly.” Chuuya leaned against part of the Jaeger’s structure as he continued. “If I can’t pilot, might as well make it, right?”

“ _Soukoku_?” He questioned, thinking for a moment about what he knew of it. “I know it’s almost done. They don’t have pilots for it yet though, so I’m not sure when it’ll go live. Wait… What do you mean ‘we’re both in search of a partner’?” His eyes widened a bit. “Are you stepping back in?”

“They’ve asked me to. I’m not exactly the easiest person to partner with, or so I’ve been told, so they’re giving me more or less free rein on choosing who rides with me. So, I requested the files of everyone in the program who isn’t currently partnered. There was one who stood out, and it’s ultimately why I said yes.” Dazai grinned cheekily up at the floating redhead. “You… intrigue me, Nakahara. Top scores in combat sims, a near-genius when it comes to Jaeger design, and one of the youngest trained pilots out there, but you can’t find someone drift-compatible? You remind me entirely too much of myself to not pique my curiosity.” 

The brunette leaned up against a worktable as he talked. “ _Soukoku’s mine,_ Nakahara. I didn’t build her, I don’t have that kind of skill, but I designed her from the ground up. And she’s built to channel a combat Ability. Preferably yours, if we can work together. I think you’d like her. Mark V, built for melee, lithe, lean, and quick on her feet. Kind of like you, if the videos I’ve seen of your training regimen are any indication.”

“You can talk all you like, but unless we’re actually compatible it doesn’t mean much.” Shrugging, he straightened up, blushing a bit. Usually, people who came to talk to him didn’t believe that he was capable of such things. He had a feeling this guy was going to be a huge pain to work with, but the lure of being able to finally pilot was strong, especially given the mech they’d have. Having a Jaeger that complemented his fighting style would be incredibly useful - he’d have to relearn less since he could put to work what he knew. Not only would it complement his style, but getting to be able to use _For The Tainted Sorrow_ in it? It wasn’t even a toss-up if the situation was worth it. The _need_ to pilot had been roaring in his veins for years; any opportunity to _finally_ get a worthwhile drift was worth the possibility of another failure. If Dazai-knew what he was getting into, and the brunette had read his files so he probably did, and had come to find him so early, bringing this up first thing, there would only be one response. 

“It’s like 4am, so you’re going to have to wait if you want to test. Ane-san won’t run any this early.” 

“I don’t think we’ll have any problems with compatibility,” Dazai said cryptically. “But we do both have the same issue with drifts, if for entirely opposite reasons. Most people can’t handle getting in our heads.” _Oda could,_ his traitorous brain reminded him, but he wasn’t ready to voice that just yet, and he probably wouldn’t have to. If he was right (and he was fairly certain he was), Chuuya would be seeing those memories soon enough. What the redhead didn’t know- what no one knew anymore, except for Fukuzawa and Yosano- was that he was a rare breed in more than one way. Not only was his Ability unique, but he was one of only two pilots ever found who could drift with literally anyone. The other… well. He was a legend in his own right. 

“I’ve already spoken with Ozaki-san. If you agree, we have a test set up for noon. Will I be seeing you there?”

“Like I’d give up a chance to pilot, even if it’s with you.” The redhead scoffed, turning back toward his work before he threw something at him. He couldn’t deny that a thrill ran through him at the thought of the test though, and he wasn’t surprised that Ane-san had been certain he would agree. She knew him the best out of anyone. 

“Now get the hell out of here before I throw something at you. I want to get some sleep at some point tonight.” 

“Oh, you’re going to be fun,” Dazai said gleefully. “See you at noon, Naka~hara~!” The brunette clapped his hands together, his eyes going wide like a child at Christmas, and all but _skipped_ out of the bay.

Scowling at the name (nobody called him Nakahara anymore) Chuuya tightened the next bolt, resisting the urge to throw the wrench after the fool _skipping_ out of the workshop. And he was going to _drift_ with this idiot?

Ane-san owed him some files if the two of them made it through this. Dazai did not get to be the only one who knew anything about the other. The drift revealed a _lot_ but sometimes it took a while to truly get to know someone, apparently. Well, maybe this time he’d get to see for himself... 

*********************

Yawning, Chuuya finished snapping in the pieces of the pilot suit. He’d gotten a bit distracted last night, so he’d gotten less sleep than originally intended, but he’d woken up on time to get ready. Briefly, he wondered if Dazai really was as annoying as he had seemed last night, but something told him that was only the tip of the iceberg. 

Drifting, no, _piloting_ would be worth it if they got through this. 

Dazai would be getting his own suit on right now if the two of them were going to be on time, and Chuuya found himself wondering what it would look like on the other. The suits were form-fitting, designed to act as armor without impeding the pilot at all. What use was a suit that kept the pilot from fighting? It would be a change from the casual clothes the brunette had been in yesterday. 

Ack. Chuuya found himself shaking his head as his thoughts continued on a line about Dazai - he was about to drift with the guy! What if he saw it? Scowling again, he started out from the room he had gotten changed in, planning on going straight to the Jaeger to begin connecting. The redhead hadn’t even been told yet which mech they were using. _Soukoku_ was out of the picture - the connections wouldn’t be finished until they knew what ability was going into the Jaeger. That was one thing that made it so difficult to build - you could put other abilities to pilot, but they wouldn’t be as compatible, or perhaps completely unusable. Luckily that wasn’t on test today, so it didn’t matter which Jaeger they used so long as it was complete.

Dazai was indeed suited up and waiting by an older Jaeger. _Paragon Tyrant_ had seen better days, and as a Mark II, it wasn’t deemed worth fixing up for combat. Now it was used mostly for testing pilots and training new mechanics. 

He found himself pacing, a combination of nerves, excitement, and resentment making him restless. Dazai loved drifting- the feeling of sharing someone else’s consciousness was amazing, and the influx of emotion and memories was almost addictive for someone who had little of either. It was one of the reasons he’d been so taken with the idea of drifting with Nakahara- the redhead was said to be a positive wellspring of emotion, to the point of being unable to control them fully in a drift. It was rumored that was why he’d never been able to find a partner- no one could handle the ride. With him, though…

Ah, so they were using _Paragon Tyrant_. It made sense. The Jaeger had been completely busted up years ago, and at the time it wasn’t worth trying to repair it. It still wasn’t. The main bits were still intact though, and the skeleton functioned enough the basics of a drift could still be tested without the possibility of setting off weapons systems. 

Seeing Dazai pacing by the cockpit settled some of his own nerves. Either the other was nervous or he was excited, or both like Chuya was. He hadn’t had a chance to go through the other’s files; he’d have to do that after the drift if it worked out, but Ane-san had handed them over when she had stopped by earlier to make sure he was aware of the test. 

“Oi, beanpole, you ready?” He called out as he approached, propping his helmet on one hip as he came to a stop nearby. 

“Wouldn’t be here if I weren’t, chibi,” the brunette retorted. He led the way into the cockpit, where a team was waiting to hook them into the rigging. “By the way, did you get the chance to read my file?”

“Some people have things to do besides annoy people, if you would believe it.” Following the other into the cockpit, he waited for the other to choose a side. The redhead had no preference, and Dazai was the one who had piloted one previously. “So no, I didn’t. I figured I’d read it afterward if there’s even a point.” 

Dazai only grinned, and headed for the right hemisphere. He preferred to lead, and that had always been his and Oda’s dynamic, despite the other having been more experienced. Not that he’d had to do much leading- the two of them had clicked instantly, and drifting had been as natural as breathing. He hoped it would be the same here- Nakahara was far too talented a pilot to leave on the sidelines, and he had already started refining his design of _Soukoku_ to incorporate his Ability. “In that case, Nakahara,” he said as his assistant moved in to start connecting him to the rig, “you’re in for a pleasant surprise, I think.”

Once Dazai had indicated his choice of side, Chuuya headed for the left. He knew enough about drifting to be aware that the right side generally became the dominant side, and that Dazai had been on the same side in _Flawless_ , so it had been somewhat predictable. 

“A pleasant surprise, in your head? How do you manage to fit that big head of yours into the helmet?” Chuuya scoffed as his own assistant began connecting the spinal clamps and other pieces. He wasn’t sure what the other was referring to (Oda was definitely not pleasant, nor a surprise) but the banter helped him keep his focus, kept him from getting too into the hope that this would work out and he’d be an official pilot. 

A low chuckle, equally amused and rueful, escaped Dazai’s lips as they donned their helmets and the intercoms connected. “If you’d read my file, you’d know, Chibi,” he said. “There are two bits of information that might have made this a bit easier. One is the virtually unknown fact that I can drift with anyone, so compatibility won’t be an issue.”

“Okay?” He’d never looked into that, had never even heard of that. Whether or not the brunette was telling the truth they’d find out in a minute though, so he continued on. “What’s the other bit, o secretive one?” 

“My Ability,” Dazai said simply. “ _No Longer Human_. I can nullify any other Ability, Nakahara, no exceptions. It can come in handy in a pinch. But, in this case, it’s the side effect that makes it especially useful. It’s also why most people can’t handle drifting with me, despite being compatible.”

The drift countdown started, and Dazai smiled coldly, his eyes like solid amber as he gazed at Chuuya’s confused expression through the mask. “It has a tendency to dampen my emotions, you see. Most of the time, I don’t feel much of anything at all. And in a drift, it works on my partner too.”

_“Zero. Neural handshake initiated.”_


	2. Drifting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dazai's prediction comes true, but leads into a whole new mystery concerning one Nakahara Chuuya.

Chuuya’s eyes widened in the split second before the drift initiated - had he heard that right? Then he was sucked into the drift and memories not his own. 

_A child’s birthday party… Dazai and Oda brought out a cake as the other four children sang ‘Happy Birthday’. The child, an eight-year-old girl- Sakura?- blew out the candles. Dazai smiled at her, then pulled out a knife and deftly cut the cake while Oda fetched plates and forks. The memory was a happy one, but tinged with sadness- it was the last time they'd all been together before Oda’s death._

_The view switched, this time seeing Dazai from another perspective. Was this one of Oda’s memories? He noted the smile, the relaxed posture, the genuine happiness that seemed to be radiating off the teen, and it was a good sight. Oda of all people knew how rarely Dazai was actually happy enough for it to break through the facade._

 _  
__Other snippets of the kids appeared- a picnic, school events, random trips, from both Dazai and Oda’s viewpoints._

Dazai felt Chuuya’s surprise as _No Longer Human_ took effect. That was common; even when he warned the other pilot that was the first thing that happened. This usually when the drift started falling apart- most people panicked when their emotions disappeared. Chuuya, though… there was apprehension, confusion, then a tentative not-quite-acceptance, reserving judgment for the moment. Chuuya’s memories infused the link, and he let them run through his consciousness.

_Chuuya stood in front of a board of judges, waiting for them to approve his design. He’d just finished explaining his design, defending it from their questions, and was now awaiting their final decision. The thrum of nerves resonated through his body as he held it still, watching them discuss amongst themselves, and he tensed as they turned back to him._

_“If you have a way around the aforementioned flaws… Your design is approved.” One of them finally told him, stoic. “Your build will be funded by the Jaeger program.”_

_Chuuya’s breath rushed out of him - he had made it - and he was overcome with exhilaration as he thanked them and made his way out._

_Snippets followed - Kouyou helping him back to bed after a long day, long nights studying mechanics, working on Jaegers, training, other bits and pieces._

Chuuya knew he had been somewhat warned, but the lack of emotional whirlwind that usually accompanied the drift was startling. Usually, it was like stepping into a whirlpool or being dropping into rapids - there was no choice but to go with the flow. Drifting with Dazai… it was more like a river - there was still current, but it wasn’t all-encompassing. He’d never heard of this being possible, and he could feel the other’s satisfaction that this had worked. Resisting the urge to hold onto the memories was easy too since he was more distanced than usual. He quickly figured the other figure was Oda, but it wasn’t obvious where the kids came up. Perhaps he’d find out later. 

Kouyou’s voice sounded over the intercom. _“Drift stabilized. In a record time, too- less than a second. Well done. Let’s continue to the movement tests. Arms, please.”_ The two pilots reacted as one- both arms lifted, and their hands came together, fingers interlacing in a gesture that should have been too delicate for pilots who’d never drifted together.

In a sense, they never let go.

Chuuya was filled with exhilaration as the drift continued and their minds met without everything falling apart. Instead of the drift collapsing, the tests continued. It was easy, doing what was asked of them, and he wasn’t washed away in the feelings this time. When the tests wound down and they were given the go-ahead to disengage, Chuuya barely waited for the actual drift to fade before he was ripping off his helmet. He was grinning as he looked over to his co-pilot, letting the assistants begin to detach him from the systems. 

“We did it. We really did it.” The redhead breathed out, eyes shining. 

“That we did,” Dazai said, returning the grin. He didn’t say _I told you so_ , but it radiated from the smug look in his eyes. He felt his partner’s joy, still somewhat muted by the effects of _No Longer Human_. That wasn’t a surprise. He knew from experience that it would take some time to fade, and wondered idly how Nakahara would react when it did. Having one’s emotions forcibly muted with little warning was… jarring. Having them come back was worse. Oda had always taken it well, but he had been unusual anyway. Not emotionless, just… calm. In the years they’d been friends, and the year they’d been partners, the man had lost that calm only once.

Dazai forced his mind away from _that_ memory. Now was not the time to follow that particular rabbit. Right this moment, he had a new partner, and he already knew the drift had been stronger on their first test than any he’d ever experienced. After all, it was rare any of _his_ memories actually showed up in a drift, even if half of them had been Oda’s. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s get out of these suits, and I’ll take you out to dinner. Your choice, my treat.”

“Yakiniku. There’s a place Ane-san introduced me to. It’s the best around.” Chuuya decided as he was finally detached from the systems completely and stepped out of the footholds. Transitioning from a Jaeger to himself was a bit jarring, but the simulations had made sure that the feeling wasn’t anything new. The redhead shook himself as he settled back into being himself, nodding to the assistants as they stepped back, done with everything that they needed to do. 

“Thanks, Higuchi.” He was still grinning as he thanked her, turning away to head toward the changing room. As soon as the two of them had changed out of the suits, they’d probably be congratulated, and then there was the drive out of the base to get anywhere, but his stomach was already growling in anticipation - he hadn’t had the time for anything to eat since dinner last night. 

“We can do that. It’s still early, so you might want to grab a snack to tide you over, though. And it’ll give the effects time to wear off. That would be… bad, if you were driving when it happened. And our drift was deep enough that it might take a bit.” Dazai stopped his walk as Fukuzawa and Ranpo came out to congratulate him. Out of all his colleagues, the two of them knew best how much Oda had meant to the teen, and seeing him out there- and doing well- had to be a load off their minds. The brunette brightened as the two walked up, a feeling of fondness emanating from him over the drift, and a small smile tugged at his lips. He hadn’t known they’d arrived yet, and having them there made the new base feel suddenly a bit more like _home_.

“Like how long? You say that like you’re not entirely sure.” Raising an eyebrow, Chuuya glanced toward his new partner, pausing as the other was congratulated by an older man and a younger raven who looked to be about their age. Dazai was right though - a snack would probably be for the best. He’d have to grab one after they changed. 

“I’m not, to be honest,” Dazai replied with a slight shrug. “It differs from person to person. I’ve seen it be as little as five minutes, as long as an hour. Usually, the deeper the drift and the more… effective it is, the longer it takes. With you, it’ll probably be more toward the hour, although that’s not a given. And we’re still ghost drifting, which may have a bit of an effect on it as well. It may not end until that does.” _I have a feeling it’s going to be a hell of a ride when it happens. Which is one of the reasons I’m going to stick by you for a while._ “You’re something of an oddity, Nakahara, so I really don’t know just how it’s going to work with you.” 

Ranpo nodded at that. “I’ve been watching Dazai drift for a while now. His numbers are always a little odd, thanks to his Ability, but the two of you were off the scale. I’ve never seen a drift of his go that deep or that fast. Heck, I don’t think I’ve _ever_ seen a drift do that, especially not a first one.” He looked at Chuuya’s slightly confused expression, then nodded. “Right. It would help if you knew who I was. Edogawa Ranpo. Your new head of research and strategist. And this is Fukuzawa Yukichi,” he said, indicating the silver-haired man.

“It is a pleasure to meet you,” Fukuzawa said. “I’ll be taking over combat training for you and the other pilots. I understand you’re adept at martial arts?”

“I am. Black belt in my main discipline sir.” Chuuya gave a quick bow to his new instructor in greeting, glancing to Dazai once he’d risen. “Nakahara Chuuya, but everybody calls me Chuuya. I prefer it. As for the drift… I may not have much to compare it to, given my previous drifts, but this certainly worked out far better than I think anybody hoped. You said the numbers were odd though? Can we discuss that later? I’d like to know more.” 

“Of course. I’d like to discuss it with both of you, actually. I know you have plans for tonight, so tomorrow afternoon will do. It’ll give my team a chance to run through today’s data. And I have a feeling Dazai’s going to be busy in the morning. Anyway, I need to get back to it.” His eyes opened fully, revealing a piercing emerald green, and he grinned at Dazai. “Have fun tonight!” Ranpo said, turning and all but flouncing down the catwalk. 

Fukuzawa watched him go with a fond expression, then turned back to the pair. “I should take my leave as well. Chuuya-kun, my classes will be starting up in several days. I’d like to spar with you before then in order to get an idea of your capabilities. If you like, I can speak with Ozaki-san about scheduling a match?”

“Sounds like a plan. We’ll see you tomorrow, then.” The redhead turned his attention to Fukuzawa then, saving his judgment of Ranpo for later - he’d seemed odd, but Dazai was fond of him and odd didn’t necessarily mean bad, so there was no reason to dislike him. “Of course, sir. My schedule is fairly open, so whenever you like should be fine. I’ll be looking forward to it.”

He really would - sparring was always fun, no matter who it was with. Even if they were bad it gave them a chance to improve, something everybody had to do. 

Dazai gave Fukuzawa a slight bow of respect, and the older man nodded and turned to follow Ranpo. “Dazai,” he said, pausing slightly, “it was good to see you succeed so well. I know it wasn’t easy for you to take that risk again. We all look forward to seeing what the two of you can do with _Soukoku._ ”

“Thank you, sir,” Dazai replied, and the silver-haired man resumed his walk. The fondness faded, replaced by irritation and a slight hint of exasperated curiosity, and he turned to Nakahara- no, Chuuya- with a frown. “Why didn’t you tell me last night that I was calling you by the wrong name?”

“I was going to but…” Chuuya shrugged, his cheeks just the slightest bit red in embarrassment. “We started talking Jaegers and drifting.” To be fair, the subject was sort of his weakness. He poured so much of his time and attention into the subject, it was hard not to get distracted by it.  
“What do you think of what Ranpo-san said though? About our numbers?” The mechanic-slash-pilot changed the subject as the two of them headed toward the locker rooms. 

“I can’t really say I’m surprised. Like he said, my numbers are always a little off. But… I’ve tested with over fifty potential partners, Chuuya. And I’ve watched three times that many. And in all that, I’ve _never_ seen a drift go as deep and as fast as ours just did. Even...,” he said, swallowing down the lump that still formed in his throat whenever he tried to speak of his former partner, “even Oda and I never clicked that well. And you’ve never come close. I think tomorrow’s meeting is going to be very interesting.”

He opened the locker room door, holding it until the shorter man had walked through, then headed for the locker he’d stored his clothes in. As was his habit, it was tucked back in the corner, away from the likelihood of anyone seeing him by accident. He opened the locker, then winced as he reached around to unhook the top part of his suit. It was a matter of seconds to peel out of it, followed quickly by the bottom half, and he reached quickly for the rolls of bandages. This was the part Dazai hated most- due to the nature of the suit, he couldn’t wear them under it, and the thought that someone would come around and corner and _see_ him… well, the last time it had happened he’d ended up in Fukuzawa’s office trying to explain why the pilot he was supposed to test with that day had practically run screaming from the facility. That hadn’t been fun.

He mechanically wound the bandages around himself, starting with his neck and torso, then working on his arms. He could hear Chuuya moving around on the other side of the locker room, and frowned slightly at the other’s emotions started to peek through the fog. _That was much faster than I thought. It’s been what, maybe twenty minutes? And we’re still drifting. No Longer Human should still be active- so why does this feel wrong?_

“Seems so. I wonder what Boss and Ane-san thought about it.” The redhead mused with a quiet ‘thank you’ for the door. His own locker was against a wall, not quite out of the way, but not in the center of things either. None of the lockers had names or ways of personalizing them, but everybody generally stuck to the same ones, claiming it theirs. He had no problem with that - it just made it easier to know where people were gonna be. 

Chuuya began removing the suit before he even undid the locker, feeling a sudden rising urge to get _out_ of it, accompanied by an uncalled-for wave of something like terror. It was as he was opening the locker, the suit half undone and hanging from his waist, that he realized just how disturbing the sudden rush of feelings was- he hadn’t realized just how much his emotions had been muted before, and now the terror was overwhelming, falling over him like a tidal wave. He couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything in the grip of that wave, didn’t even notice his hand drop to his side.

Dazai’s head snapped up as the first wave of Chuuya’s emotions hit him over their link. It wasn’t the first time one of his partners had been hit with a panic attack, but this was a level far beyond the norm, and he found himself on his feet and racing for the redhead before the movement even registered. Luckily the room wasn’t that big, and he was at his partner’s side in a matter of seconds.

“Chuuya,” he said, forcing a measure of calm into both his voice and the drift. He took the other’s face in both hands, bringing panicked blue eyes to meet his own gaze. “Shhh. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. Breathe, Chuuya.”

Gently, he pulled the other close, keeping eye contact, sitting them both on a bench and murmuring calming words as he tried to figure out exactly what had caused the other’s terror. It took much longer than it should have- the feeling was overwhelming even _his_ emotions, overwhelming _No Longer Human_ , which is something that _shouldn’t be happening_ , and he had to take a moment to get himself back under control. Once he did, though, an icy shiver ran down his spine. He realized why the drift suddenly started feeling _wrong._ Why the bright, passionate light inside his mind had mutated into something dark and ugly.

_It didn’t feel like Chuuya._

Chuuya didn’t quite register the feeling of hands on his face, but he noticed the eyes he was suddenly looking into, an amber that he’d never really seen before. He’d never felt this level of terror before and all he could do was follow the hands that guided him lower, try and make out the words that he could hear but couldn’t understand. The redhead had no idea how long it lasted, only knew that those eyes never left his, the hands on his face a constant pressure as he slowly started to calm down from that overwhelming feeling. As the terror drained from him, he slumped, exhaustion taking its place after the combination of it and adrenaline. 

Dazai blew out a breath as Chuuya calmed and the drift righted itself. He was honestly surprised it hadn’t broken yet- ghost drifts rarely lasted this long, but it seemed their minds were reluctant to let go of each other. That was alright, though, especially after what had just happened. The brunette shuddered to think how long it would’ve taken someone to notice Chuuya’s panic attack if he hadn’t been able to feel it.

“Hey,” he said gently. “Are you back with me, Chuuya?”

Blinking slowly as his mind registered the words, the redhead thought about it around the terror that was still lingering. Back? Back where… Oh. Chuuya blinked again as his mind clicked into his current surroundings, even though his gaze never left.. Dazai’s. Dazai was the one across from him, the one with hands on his cheeks, and if he weren’t so suddenly tired he might have blushed. 

“I… think so.” He said slowly. His mind was still settling into place, the undercurrent of emotions that was his constant picking up comfortably. Everything wasn’t so overwhelming anymore - he had settled back into his usual place among them, and it felt right this time. 

Dazai let his hands drop. “You just had a major panic attack. I’ve seen that before when the effects wore off.” He didn’t bring up the feeling of _wrongness_ that had accompanied it- Chuuya wasn’t coherent enough to deal with it yet, and trying to force the issue might bring on another attack. “It’s a good thing we’re still linked, and I was still in the room. Hopefully, now that you’ve experienced it, _No Longer Human_ shouldn’t affect you as badly next time.”

He looked at the redhead, assessing his condition for a moment before he came to a decision. “Come on. Let’s get you out of the suit and back to your room. We can grab you something from the kitchens on the way.”

“Okay.” Chuuya yawned as he reluctantly pulled himself up; he was tired, but the suit was uncomfortable and the sooner they got out of here the better. Hopefully Dazai was right and this wouldn’t happen the next time - as admittedly frightening as that had been, he already refused to let it keep him from drifting again. He’d waited entirely too long to make this happen and he wasn’t going to jeopardize it now. Pulling open the locker, he hesitated for only a moment. His balance was generally on point, and it wasn’t the first time he’d been exhausted, so it didn’t take him long to pull off the rest of the suit. If anybody else had been sitting there, he would have hesitated to strip, but he’d just been in Dazai’s head a few minutes ago and was now his partner, so there was no point in modesty. 

In his locker waiting for him to change into was a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, simple clothes that he could wear to go work on Arahabaki if this hadn’t worked out. It had, and now it meant that he had comfortable clothes. Stashing the suit and closing the locker after changing, he pocketed his phone and other accouterments before sitting back on the bench to wait for the other to get ready. 

“Thanks, by the way.”

Dazai went back to his locker to grab his shirt and other items, then went back to Chuuya to finish dressing. Now that he wasn’t dealing with a potential crisis, he could take the time to enjoy the view properly. And it was an enjoyable view. The redhead was muscular yet lithe, a result of both his work as a mechanic and his extensive martial arts training. He’d noticed it last night, but it was a much different thing from a meter away than it had been from twenty. 

“You’re welcome,” he replied, eyes lingering a moment on Chuuya’s curves before rising to meet his gaze. It had been several months since he’d really been attracted to anyone. Oh, there had been the occasional twinge, but it took a lot to get through the numbness, and most of the time it was just too much effort to try. Most people didn't interest him enough to bother. He wasn’t sure how much of his thoughts were transmitting over the drift- from the feel of it, it was finally starting to fade, and he mentally cursed the timing. _Oh well. There will be other times._ “Ready to go get something to eat?”

“Yes please.” Pulling himself up once again, he stood by Dazai’s side, scanning the figure for himself. He’d known the other was checking him out - if he’d had the energy, he’d preen, but he could still tuck away the knowledge for now that at the very least Dazai found him attractive. It wasn’t like the brunette was lacking in looks himself, either. From there his mind wandered to the both of them going to his room; he knew it was likely for him to take a nap - his exhaustion was clear and they were supposed to be celebrating later, but what was Dazai going to do with the time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry for putting Chuuya through that. - Lavi


	3. Getting to know you

As was his wont, Dazai had memorized the layout of the facility, and had spent most of the previous day exploring, so he was able to confidently lead the way to the pilots’ kitchen. He knew it would be more or less deserted- there weren’t that many pilots on base, and most of them would’ve eaten already. Once they arrived, he went directly to the refrigerator and started rummaging around.

“There are a lot of leftovers in here. Anything you’re in the mood for?”

Chuuya followed Dazai to the fridge, leaning against the wall as the other rooted around in the fridge. 

“We had yakimeshi the other day, there might be some of that left.” His stomach growled at the prospect of food, not that he was terribly surprised. Drifting was a hell of a drain on people. “Are you going to get something too?”

“Probably.” Dazai located the container Chuuya’d mentioned. It looked like there was enough for two, and he really didn’t feel like digging further when he had no idea what he was looking at. Besides, he’d actually taken the time for a decent breakfast that morning, and between that and the dinner later, he didn’t really need much in the way of food. “I’ll share this with you, I think. I usually don’t eat much during the day, so it’s more than enough for me.”

The brunette grabbed two bowls out of the cupboard and portioned the rice between them, putting somewhat more in Chuuya’s bowl than his own. He then popped both in the microwave. “Where do you guys keep the tea?”

Chuuya didn’t say anything about Dazai’s portioning - the logic made sense, and he was kinda starving. Somehow, he wasn’t surprised that the other didn’t eat much during the day. The brunette was incredibly thin, although not to the point of it being a possible issue; it could have just been his metabolism. When the other asked for tea, he pushed himself off the wall and wandered over to the cabinet they were stored in by the stove. 

“What kind did you want? We have a few different ones, so we might have one you like. I don’t know what you like yet, anyway. Do you actually like yakimeshi?”

Dazai shrugged. “Green or oolong for tea, most of the time. And yes, though I prefer it with crab or some other type of seafood. Actually, that’s the case for most things. If it’s seafood, I’ll probably eat at least a little of it, although I don’t really eat much anyway. It’s…” He sighed, running one hand through his hair. It was pointless holding this part back. Chuuya would find out anyway, and probably quickly. “Food and I don’t have a very good relationship. I spent most of my life on the streets before Fukuzawa found me. Most kids in that position end up in a love affair with food. I, on the other hand, did the opposite. I rarely actually get hungry, a lot of foods just don’t agree with me, and half the time I forget to eat more than one meal a day- if that- unless he or one of the others reminds me.” 

He paused for a moment as the microwave beeped. His voice was subdued as he continued. “Oda did most of that, even before we were partnered. I guess it’ll be your job now.” Grabbing an oven mitt, he took both bowls from the microwave, then placed them on the counter to cool enough to hold. 

Chuuya listened as he set about brewing tea the way Ane-san had taught him; he didn’t mind either one, so he set about making oolong - it tended to sit around more because less people drank it, so might as well use it. The redhead was glad that the brunette was basically inviting him to help with reminding him, since it seemed like a personal thing, and smiled a bit at the thought that Dazai was letting him in so easily and early into their relationship. If they stayed partners, it was going to happen one way or another, but it was better that they hadn’t been forced to share it mid-drift. 

“Might as well join me for meals then, if we’re going to be up at the same time.” Chuuya said after a moment of thought. “Thanks for telling me, though.”

“No problem. It was going to come up sooner or later, might as well get it over with.” He dug into the drawers, eventually finding two pairs of chopsticks, and carried them and the bowls to a nearby table. “There are a few things that are probably going to pop up in the drift that we’re going to need to discuss eventually.” _Oda’s death, my scars, depression, and insomnia… and whatever that was I felt in your head a little bit ago. Do you even know it’s there?_

Dazai was fairly certain the answer to that was no. One thing was certain- whatever caused that panic attack, it was more than just the normal response to No Longer Human wearing off. _Looks like I have some research to do._

“It makes sense. Like… I think you noticed already, but I have no idea what set _that_ off.” Chuuya shrugged as he finished pouring the tea. Getting out the sugar, he held it up wordlessly until he got a yes or no from Dazai, continuing on his current train of thought. “I’ve occasionally panicked from a drift, but never like that. Never enough that it was worth pursuing at the time.”

Dazai nodded yes at the sugar, holding up 3 fingers. He took a few bites of the surprisingly decent food as he tried to decide how to phrase his next sentence. “It’s something we’re going to have to discuss, and soon. Preferably when you’re not half-asleep.” He paused, taking another bite, then asked, “Speaking of which, I noticed there aren’t a lot of rooms for pilots, especially now that your staff has basically doubled. Do you think they’ll have us share a room?”

“It’s possible,” Chuuya mused, spooning sugar into Dazai’s tea before he brought over the cups. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Ane-san did have us share, especially since I’m lucky enough to have one of the larger rooms. I claimed it long before we got a lot of pilots, so…” He shrugged as he set their teas down, sitting down across from the other and giving a quiet mutter of thanks for the meal. “If you don’t have a room yet, where’s your stuff? And what have you been doing?”

“I don’t have much. I think they decided not to assign me a permanent spot until we saw how the test went, so I crashed for a couple of hours in Yosano’s room. She’s our doctor- you’ll probably meet her soon enough. She likes to do checkups on pilots she’s not familiar with. But my stuff, such as it is, is there at the moment. The rest of the night was spent working on the final design for _Soukoku._ I’ve already come up with a few ways to incorporate your Ability into her, but I’d like your input on the specs. But, again, that can wait.” 

He took a sip of the tea, smiling slightly at the taste. It was brewed perfectly, and he closed his eyes briefly as he savored it. “You make good tea. Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. Ane-san taught me. She taught me a lot; took me in as a kid, about a decade ago.” Chuuya began eating himself; the yakimeshi was still pretty good even reheated, and he was plenty hungry. “I’m not sure what happened before that, I vaguely remember who my parents were I’m pretty sure, but that’s about it. I might have had siblings, but I don’t know.” 

Abruptly, his train of thought switched back to the doctor. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t like the idea of another doctor poking around when he had perfectly good medical records. Only one of the medical department personnel had done his checkups ever since Ane-san had gotten him to trust them. She had said it was normal for kids to not like doctors, and that had been that. Dazai seemed to trust Yosano, though, so the least he could do was let her try. “If you trust her I’ll see when she has a slot open, if a meeting isn’t already set up.”

“She’s probably the only doctor I trust, honestly. I’ll warn you ahead of time, she’s a little bit of a sadist, but it’s nothing personal. Her Ability can heal any injury; like most, though, there’s a catch. In her case, her patient has to be mostly dead for it to work. Unfortunately, like every other Ability. it doesn’t work on me. But… I’ve watched her save pilots no one else could have. She’s the one who patched me up after _Flawless_ went down. And… she’s been helping me with some other issues, as well.” One of Dazai’s hands went almost reflexively to the bandages on the opposite wrist, and he fiddled with it for a moment before noticing and pulling the hand away. He went back to eating, finishing the rest of the bowl in silence, then sitting back with the tea as he waited for Chuuya.

“It seems like she’s good at her job then.” Chuuya said quietly, deciding quickly not to push on the subject. They could discuss that later; there wasn’t any need to dig into Dazai’s private life, especially on their first day of partnering. It’d come up when it came up. Letting the two lapse into silence, he finished his bowl and tea, looking to his partner. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just studied him, before opening his mouth again, his brow furrowed in a bit of confusion. 

“Wait, so are we still doing dinner, or are we just planning to sleep the night away?”

Dazai snorted at that. “Silly Chuuya. It’s not even three. I couldn’t sleep now if I wanted to. No, I was going to grab my laptop and get some work done while you took a nap, and we can get dinner later.” He didn’t specify that the work he was planning on doing was researching his partner’s history- his file started when he’d been taken in by Ozaki-san, but he’d been seven, almost eight when that happened. Of course, his had a similar gap, but that was because he honestly didn’t remember his family, and no amount of searching had turned up any information on them. He hadn’t even realized he had an Ability until he was nearly a teenager and got into a fight with an Ability user. It had startled the hell out of both of them when the man’s attack vanished the instant it had touched his skin.

He shook off that train of thought. The brunette realized he might actually be more tired than he thought, if he was getting distracted this easily. Still, napping at this time of day would mean no sleep tonight, and he couldn’t really afford that. “Why don’t we head out, since we’re both done? Yosano’s room is on the way to yours from here. If she’s in I’ll introduce you.” He rose and collected the cups and bowls, rinsing them in the sink, then placing them in the empty dishwasher.

“Sounds good. So you really memorized everybody’s rooms and everything? Why would you need to know that?” Chuuya skipped right past the work - he wasn’t sure what the other would be working on, but it wasn’t like he’d need to know. If he did for some reason, Dazai could let him know. 

Dazai shrugged slightly. “Part curiosity, part boredom, mostly habit. I’ve memorized most of the maps of Yokohama as well. Although, I wouldn’t mind taking some time to explore the city when we have some downtime. Maps are never 100 percent accurate, after all, and they don’t tell you what the area _feels_ like.” He didn’t really feel the need to elaborate on the fact that on the streets, knowing what areas to avoid, and where to find shelter and food, could literally mean the difference between survival and an early grave. He’d always made it a habit to study the layout of any city or facility he’d found himself in; he’d even memorized the utterly confusing and constantly changing mess that was Los Angeles, where he’d spent six months as part of his training.

“Fair enough. We probably won’t get out to the city much between our Jaegers and everything else, but I’ll show you what I know.” Rising, he began heading toward the door. There was no point in hanging around the kitchen any longer, and the sooner they left the sooner he could nap. After possibly meeting this doctor lady. 

He’d gotten the chance to get out of the base on occasion, but it was never really to wander around. Usually it was to accompany Ane-san on business or get something to eat. Any free time Chuuya’d had usually went to either his Jaeger or wandering the base. He basically had full run of the place, so he’d memorized a lot of people’s usual schedules or where they frequented. It was kinda boring otherwise. 

Dazai followed the chibi redhead out of the kitchen and down the hallway. Yosano’s quarters weren’t far- they’d placed her near the infirmary, for obvious reasons, so it only took a few moments for them for them to arrive at her door. The brunette knocked, and a cheery “Come in!” came from inside.

“Oh good, she’s here,” he said, only half in jest. He opened the door to reveal a tall dark-haired woman with a gold butterfly clip in her hair, dressed in a white shirt, black skirt, and lab coat. “Hello, Yosano-sensei. I came to get my computer. Are you free for a moment?”

“Hello, Dazai-kun. Yes- I’m on a break while they move some of my equipment into the lab. I see you brought your new partner with you. Hello, Nakahara-kun. Congratulations, and my condolences at getting partnered up with this one,” she said with a grin, jerking a thumb at Dazai.

“Honestly, as long as I get to pilot, I’ll take whoever they throw at me.” A slight grin came to his face, mirroring hers. “I don’t know if you’ve ever drifted, Yosano-sensei, but it’s worth nearly anything. Thanks, though. What do you think of our wonderful home?” There might have been a bit of sarcasm in there, but he had a feeling she’d return in kind. 

“It’s much warmer than Hokkaido, that’s for sure. I think that alone was worth the move,” she replied jokingly. “And no, I never have. Unlike most Gifted, I’ve never tested- my Ability was deemed too useful to risk in a Jaeger.” 

She looked the slight redhead up and down, then met Dazai’s eyes and smirked slightly. Dazai returned the look, a small smirk on his own lips, but his eyes were serious as he spoke. “Sensei, I suppose you’ll be wanting to examine my partner in the near future?”

Yosano nodded. “Tomorrow or the next day, if possible. I know you’re meeting with Ranpo tomorrow afternoon- he’s already been by, regaling me with numbers and speculations. I don’t think I’ve seen him this excited in years. Not since…” Her voice trailed off, and she shook herself. “Anyway, tomorrow morning, if you’re free. I’ll let you know for sure once I know how long it’s going to take to get my lab back in order.”

“Of course, sensei. Whenever works best for you. I doubt it’ll be long before everything’s as you like it.” Chuuya’s grin faltered a touch at the thought of the checkup, but the thought of meeting Ranpo seemed vaguely... fun. Nobody on the base was quite like him. If he came by to talk with her, it might have been as a professional courtesy, but something about the way she said it told him that they were closer to friends than simply professionals. That was a good thing - if they could work together _and_ like each other, their teamwork would be incredible. Briefly, he wondered what they would think of Kajii. “I’ll be back here tomorrow morning, then.”

“Alright. I’ll probably be in the infirmary, so meet me there.” Dazai had been collecting his things as the two spoke, and he and Yosano shared a look. Neither had missed the change in Chuuya’s expression. “Dazai, why don’t you come along? It’s been a while since you drifted, I should probably update your records as well. And we’ve missed a few sessions, what with the move and everything.”

Dazai’s expression went flat at her last sentence. “Yes, we have. I’ll be there.” He picked up his bag and headed for the door. “Coming, Chibi?” he asked.

“Yeah.” With the food, he had gained back a little energy, but the nap still sounded really appealing. Since Dazai had been open, he could guess it was for therapy and he wasn’t sure the brunette would want him around for that but he could figure out something else to do in the meantime. If things went like he had a feeling they might tomorrow, he’d probably end up spending more time here anyway. As they left, he fell in step with the other, yawning. 

“Are we just going to assume we’ll be spending most of our time together from now on?” Given that Chuuya hadn’t yet had a partner, but had seen them around base, it seemed like the most logical conclusion. 

“Probably, although if you want privacy for something just let me know. Being around someone constantly can get exhausting, especially if you’re not used to them. And we both have projects we’re working on, so that’ll eat up some of our time as well. Although I’d still like your input on _Soukoku_ , from a mechanic’s perspective. From what I saw of your Jaeger design, you’re probably more talented than most of the people I’ve had working on it. And since you’ll be helping pilot, it only makes sense.” Some of the enthusiasm had gone out of Dazai’s voice at the reminder of his therapy sessions. He couldn’t think of them without thinking of the reasons behind them, which made him think of the bandages beneath his clothes. He wondered why Chuuya hadn’t mentioned them yet- it was usually the first question out of anyone’s mouth, although it was possible the redhead had still been too caught up in the aftereffects of his panic attack to really notice them.

The pair walked in relative silence for a few minutes until they reached Chuuya’s room. Dazai stepped aside to let his partner unlock the door.

“We’ll have to compare designs I think at some point.” Chuuya contributed before they fell silent, both thinking. Everything Dazai had said made sense, and he was glad to hear that Dazai really did think the design was workable, despite the flaws he had yet to overcome. Neither of them seemed that enthused about tomorrow, but it was better to get it out of the way early, before something happened. That raised the question as to whether or not she was going to be their main provider, but it didn’t necessarily matter in the end. Here it wasn’t really up to them; he’d learned that ages ago. 

Unlocking his room after Dazai stepped aside, he yawned as he led the other inside. 

“Good luck with your research I guess then.”

“Thanks. I’ll wake you in a couple of hours.” Dazai looked around the room. It was fairly well-appointed, and rather larger than he was used to. Benefits of being here for a while, he supposed. He didn’t take up much space, so his moving in shouldn’t be much of an issue. All he really needed was a bed and some closet space.

He put his bag in a corner, then pulled out the laptop and sat at the small desk that was off to one side. Researching Chuuya while the other was in the room would be interesting. The redhead was already on the verge of sleep, though, having not even bothered to get fully undressed before collapsing onto his bed and wrapping himself up in his blanket. 

As the other started to snore, Dazai smiled to himself, and brought up his favorite hacking program. Time to find out what the hell was in his partner’s head. 


	4. Prelude to a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuuya wakes, and he and Dazai have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is incredibly short, but the next one should make up for it.
> 
> Also, holy fuck, y'all. We were not expecting this level of amazing feedback when we've barely hit the plot. So, to say thanks, this one's going up early, and chap 5 will up in a few weeks. Enjoy!- Irela
> 
> Sorry it's a bit shorter, but we felt that was a good place to end it this time given *plans* >:D
> 
> Like Irela said, thank you guys so much. We weren't expecting anywhere near as many comments and kudos as we got for such a crossover, and it's amazing to read them all. See you again soon! - Lavi

Chuuya came back to awareness slowly; he wasn’t sure what he had dreamed about - there were only flashes of bits here and there that he remembered, and even those were fading quickly. It hadn’t been good, whatever it was. Must have been a nightmare then - hopefully he hadn’t been talking in his sleep or something. 

Rolling over, he looked toward his new partner, eyeing the other sleepily before he sat up and rubbed his eyes, yawning. 

“Find anything?”

“I’m not sure,” Dazai answered honestly. “I think all I managed to do was give myself more questions, which is annoying at the best of times. Still, I have a few database searches going, so hopefully one of them will find something useful along the way.” 

He looked at the time. “You were out for a bit over two hours. It’s still a little early for dinner, so I was hoping to stop and talk to Ozaki-san. We need to find out if I am going to be staying with you, and if so I’m going to need a bed, at least. Not that I sleep much most of the time, but it’s useful to have.” The brunette stopped, a playful smirk crossing his face. “Unless,” he asked, his eyes once again roaming appreciatively over Chuuya’s form, “you’d rather I just shared yours?”

“As much as I like that idea, Ane-san might not approve.” Chuuya’s sleepy expression became a smirk as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, watching the other. It was true that he liked the idea, but Ane-san was just a bit (over, in his opinion) protective. Nobody dared cross her if they wanted to live, at least with all of their limbs. “If we’re going to see her, feel free to ask her about it.”

“I may just do that,” Dazai murmured. Ozaki-san’s Ability was beautiful, but just like any other, it couldn’t kill him. Her blade, though… Still, it would be a waste to die just yet. And Chuuya intrigued him enough to push those impulses aside, at least for the moment. “Not that she really needs to know. Even if I do have a bed, it doesn’t mean I have to use it, now does it?”

The brunette closed his laptop. His programs would run in the background regardless, and it was highly unlikely that anyone could either guess his password or get past his security.

“Nah, but she’ll find out one way or another. She knows me too well. It’ll probably be better to bring it up beforehand so she doesn’t think you’re ‘taking advantage’ of me or something. Not like I couldn’t probably kick your ass anyway.” The redhead says, complete with air quotations as he stands up to stretch. Dinner would be just starting to be prepared in the kitchens and everybody else would still be working, if he had the time right. “It’s what, about 5? 5:30-ish? She’ll be in her quarters right now before she makes a quick round through the science division to make sure everybody’s finishing up for dinner.”

“Alright. Let’s go talk to Ozaki-san, then we can head out to the city. If you’re not hungry yet, we can shop, or whatever it is normal kids do in the evenings. Maybe find an arcade or something?” Dazai said. “I really wouldn’t know, but I don’t really want to hang out here. We’re going to be spending entirely too much time in the bays now that we’re partnered, and I can’t do much more with _Soukoku_ until she gets here the day after tomorrow.”

“I… have no idea what else is in the city either.” Chuuya shrugged, heading to his closet to pick out something a little more suitable for going out than just his tank and sweatpants. Ane-san would have a fit if he did that, at least without a jacket. This time of year it was more likely to rain than not, and if he got sick so soon after finding a partner Ane-san would have his head. “I mean, it won’t be terribly hard to find something. We both have phones with maps. If nothing else, we wander. I don’t mind spending time in the bays, but you’re right, we’ll have plenty of that coming up.”

“So it’s a date then,” the brunette said with a grin. “Question: do we have a vehicle, or should I be researching train schedules?”

“I’m a mechanic, do you really think I wouldn’t bug Ane-san into letting me get a bike? I might not get to use it as often as I like, but I have a license and everything.” Grinning as well, Chuuya picked out a graphic tee and a well-fitting pair of jeans - if the looks he got every time he wore them and went out was any indication, he looked _good_ in them, and while there wasn’t really a reason to rile Dazai up, it was fun, especially when they had basically already admitted that they both found the other attractive. The question then became - was it for a one night stand, fuck buddies, or something more? He supposed they’d have to figure that out at some point, but right now, what was the harm in being teenagers?

“A bike, huh. Doesn’t sound all that terribly appealing if it rains, but better than trying to take trains everywhere, I suppose.” Dazai didn’t really mind all that much- except for the rain part; soaked bandages were a pain- and the thought of having an excuse to wrap his arms around Chuuya as they rode was just a bonus. It was funny; he’d only met the chibi spitfire a little over twelve hours ago, but it already seemed like they’d known each other for weeks, if not months. Part of that was the drift- spending time in another person’s head gave you a sense of who they were fairly quickly, and theirs had gone quite deep. 

The brunette wondered if the other realized he was already just the tiniest bit in love.

He also wondered how (and when) the hell that had happened. 

“You should get changed. The sooner we talk to Ozaki-san the sooner we can get to wandering, Chibi! Oh, that reminds me, I need to find a drugstore. I’m almost out of spare bandages, and the store I used to get them from won’t ship down here. I don’t know why, I’ve done a ton of business with them over the past few years. And I think I might need a new coat. It’s warmer down here than it is in Hokkaido, and my winter one is a bit much for this weather.” He continued to chatter, as if having somebody who actually _listened_ had opened up a floodgate in his head. Maybe it had. He wasn’t sure and didn’t want to break the spell by questioning it, not yet.

Heeding Dazai’s words (they did only have a limited time to meet with Ane-san before they left) he went ahead and changed - they’d shed modesty earlier, so what was the point of it now? Listening to the other continue talking, he smiled as he dressed. He wasn’t sure why it felt like something had changed, but it did. 

“If you want, maybe we can look for a coat tonight before it starts getting too late for it. I’m not sure, but I think there’s a medical supply store somewhere? It might be cheaper to check there rather than a drugstore,” he said thoughtfully when there was a lull in Dazai’s words. It would be better to get it before it got too much colder; it’d be useless then and who knew when they’d have a chance to get out again. 

Dazai’s eyes went wide at Chuuya’s suggestion, and he quickly looked up the store, finding it easily. It actually wasn’t that far from the base, and he noted the location, as well as that of several clothing stores. He didn’t know the location of the restaurant, but none of them were far, and they could easily detour if necessary.

The fact that Chuuya was changing in front of him was not lost on him, despite his preoccupation, and he paused to watch. As before, his eyes lingered on curves and muscle, and he had to wrench them away before his hands decided to follow his gaze. Not that he thought Chuuya would’ve minded, but they had things to do. And there would be time for that.

A part of the redhead was disappointed the other hadn’t done anything more than look, but again, time wasn’t on their side for such a thing. That, and Ane-san would _know_ as soon as they walked in what happened between the two of them and he wasn’t sure how she would respond. Glancing over to see Dazai on his phone, probably looking up the stores he had mentioned, he flicked through his jackets in search of a red one that was fairly comfortable but wouldn’t get soaked easily if the rain came as the clouds threatened. He didn’t have a lot of clothes meant for looking good in - most were either casual or meant for working in, but some of them he had splurged on, for the rare occasion he got off of the base to celebrate something. 

“If you’re ready, we should go then. She doesn’t like to be disturbed on her rounds.” Chuuya told Dazai as he found the jacket and shrugged it on, adjusting the hood to lie flat behind him when it didn’t.

“By all means. It would hardly do to anger Ozaki-san my second day here.” He didn’t add that he’d have plenty of time to do that later. He was fairly certain he didn’t need to.


	5. Date accompli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chuuya and Dazai hit the town for dinner and shopping, and more than a little flirting.

Chuuya was well aware that Dazai knew the way to Ane-san’s room, if he truly had memorized all of the blueprints for the area, but he led the way, asking questions about Dazai’s favorite things as they went. He knew he’d know soon enough, but it was fun to talk about random things, and there was no point in bringing up a serious subject right now. 

Knocking on the door to Ane-san’s room, he waited until she had given an affirmation before opening the door, walking in to take his usual seat on one of her chairs. Pulling his feet up to rest on the seat, he wrapped an arm around them, gesturing for Dazai to follow him in. Ane-san was sitting in a chair by her desk, a notebook in front of her that she closed as they entered, directing her attention to them fully. She was dressed impeccably in a kimono, her hair up as always, although at the moment it wasn’t in her usual bun but falling down her back. 

“Chuuya-kun, Dazai-kun. To what do I owe the honor at this hour?”

“Good evening, Ozaki-san. I had a small question, and we thought it best to ask now before we headed out for dinner,” Dazai explained.

“Ah? And what would that be?” She cocked her head inquisitively, lips twitching slightly as she took in Chuuya’s posture and the way he was carefully _not_ looking at Dazai. Add to that the way Dazai’s hand twitched, as if it wanted to reach for the redhead, and the faintly possessive look that already showed in his gaze... The twitch grew into a small smile. “Never mind, I can guess. Yes, the two of you will be bunking together. That’s standard for paired pilots anyway, and as Dazai’s probably already surmised, we don’t have the room to do otherwise. I’ll have your biometrics added to his lock by tomorrow afternoon, Dazai-kun. Whether you get a second bed or just a larger one is up to you. You can requisition either through my office.”

_Oh, I like her,_ Dazai thought with a mental grin. _She’s good._ He bowed slightly in acknowledgment. “Thank you, Ozaki-san,” he said.

“No need to be quite so formal, Dazai-kun,” she replied. “We’re going to be working together far too much for that, Besides, as Chuuya-kun’s… partner, you and I will be seeing quite a bit of one another, so please, call me Kouyou.” Her red eyes glinted slightly as she spoke.

“Of course, Kouyou-san.” 

“Ane-san!” Chuuya muttered under his breath, covering his suddenly incredibly red face with his hands. He had expected her to pick up on it, but not necessarily to indirectly address it with them anyway. A bigger bed wouldn’t be a bad idea though… Not like he didn’t have the room for it. They might have to see about picking up sheets soon then though- ack. He was treating this as if it was a definite thing. Wasn’t it already practically though? 

Dazai and Kouyou shared a grin and decided to relent. “Well,” Kouyou said, “I have rounds to get to, and you should get going before the rain hits. Enjoy your evening, Dazai-kun, Chuuya-kun.”

The words were an obvious dismissal, and Dazai bowed again, then turned and exited the room.

Oh thank the gods she was letting them go already. Getting up, face still on fire, he went to follow Dazai, hanging back curiously when Ane-san signaled for him to wait a moment. 

“Yes, Ane-san?”

“How did it go? After the drift, I mean. I know the effect Dazai’s Ability can have. Did you have another panic attack?” Kouyou fixed him with a gaze that was both concerned and piercing, and one that Chuuya was all too familiar with.

“...” He averted his gaze, feeling a strange sense of disappointment rise up. His panic attacks made no sense and nothing they had done to try and prevent them had worked so far. “I did. I think this was the worst one yet.” He admitted after a moment quietly. “Dazai helped me through it, though. I napped it off just before we came by here.”

“It’s good that he was there, then.” Kouyou’s tone softened. “I had a feeling that would happen, but it took a while this time, so I thought you’d gotten past it.” She rose and walked over to Chuuya, embracing him in the generous folds of her kimono. “Keep me informed, alright? I worry about you.”

“All right, Ane-san.” He let himself be enfolded into her arms, the feeling of her kimono surrounding him a comfortable one. Stepping away after a moment, he gave her a small smile. “We should probably be going if we don’t want to be too late, and you have your rounds. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Kouyou smiled, then stepped back to her desk, picking up a clipboard and pen. She tucked the clipboard under one arm and accompanied Chuuya out of the room, smiling again at a waiting Dazai before locking her door, turning, and walking down the hall toward the science division.

Dazai watched her go. “You two really are close, aren’t you?” he asked, his tone a bit wistful. The brunette sighed, then shook himself. “Come on Chibi, I want to buy that coat before dinner. The bandages can wait til after- I want to see if they’ll set up delivery anyway.” He pulled out his phone again, turning the other way down the hall and walking a few steps before pausing to ask, “Which garage is that bike of yours in, anyway?”

“We may not be blood-related, but she’s pretty much my big sister.” The redhead admitted before following Dazai’s lead. “Sounds like a plan. We’ll have to make sure they’re open that late. Let’s start with your coat though, just in case it rains while we’re out.”

He grinned as he continued past the other, heading toward the garage his bike was waiting in. The brunette earlier had said that he wasn’t quite a fan of bikes, at least not in the rain, but Dazai had no idea what was waiting for them. Chuuya hadn’t gotten his hands on just any bike, not with being the youngest person on base and having known everybody on it for years. 

Dazai followed the petite redhead nearly halfway across the base, finally arriving at a small garage on the east side. Said redhead grinned and unlocked the door, then gestured for the brunette to enter first.

He did so, then stopped short at the sight in front of him. Racks and drawers of tools lined the walls. Others were scattered here and there, along with various parts and what looked like two half-completed project bikes. And standing proud, off by itself and just in front of the garage door, was a black and red monster of a bike, _Hayabusa_ spelled out in both English and kanji on the side.

“You have got to be kidding me,” he said, looking back at Chuuya. “You really expect me to get on that thing?”

“What, scared?” The mechanic grinned as he went to one of the shelves to rummage around for one of his spare helmets. Given that there were different sizes he tried to keep at least one of each size for anybody he gave a ride to occasionally. Not that that happened terribly often. His own helmet was a modular one - he’d originally had one that left the lower bit of his face open, but given the speeds he liked to ride at he’d quickly switched it out. Once he’d found some different sizes, he set them up for Dazai to try on. Gesturing for the brunette to play around with those, he went to the bike and quickly removed the cowl covering the second seat. 

“Find one that’s not loose, but not so tight it hurts anywhere. Maybe we’ll get you one of your own later.” Now that he thought about it, the height difference was going to make this interesting. 

“I’m a Jaeger pilot. I’m not scared of a bike,” Dazai muttered, trying on the different helmets. It took a minute, but he found one that more or less fit, and at least it was blue. “Maybe we should make that a stop. If that’s going to be our main form of transportation I want my own gear. And how do you even ride it? It’s bigger than you are.”

“Oi, I’m still growing!” Chuuya scowled as he stored the cowl on the nearest bench and double checked the fit of the helmet - he just got a co-pilot, he wasn’t going to lose them if something went wrong. Once that was done he grabbed a box off of another shelf and handed it to the other before he got down a jacket that was hanging off to the side. “Go through there and find some gloves that fit. We can get you some of those too, because I don’t plan on getting a car. Are we doing that tonight or…?”

“Might as well,” Dazai answered, going through the box. He pulled out a pair of soft leather gloves and pulled them on. They fit well enough, and the wrists were roomy enough that they didn’t pull on the bandages. “Stop four on the list. Coat, riding gear, dinner, and bandages. Sounds like fun. Do you seriously ride this thing in the winter? Doesn’t that get really cold? And what happens when it snows?”

“I don’t get out as often as I like - most of the time I’m wrapped up in working on my Jaeger, and I only got it on a technicality, so I don’t like to push my luck too much. Sometimes it’s worth it though. And I’m working on getting a specific cold-weather outfit; I have the money for it. I just don’t want to drop too much at once, and I’m not really in a rush since I’m not going out often. It might change if we do end up going out more, and we’ll have to get you some too.” His scowl dropped quickly as Dazai let the subject drop and instead turned back toward the bike. Poking it, he let Sorrow take hold and lifted it up so he could adjust the suspension. It didn’t take long, just a moment, and soon enough he was setting it back down. He had a rough estimate of how much Dazai weighed, which was good enough for the moment. Once that was done he pulled on his gloves and grabbed his helmet. “Anything else before we head out?”

“No.” Dazai pulled out his phone and reopened the map program. “Where’s this restaurant of yours?”

The ride was actually more fun that Dazai wanted to admit. Colder, yes, but with his skin covered, Chuuya could use his Ability to make sure they didn’t fall, which assuaged Dazai’s doubts considerably. The first stop was a clothing store that specialized in outerwear. 

“Ooo, Chuuya, look at this one,” he said, trying on a long tan trench coat. It was a little too long, but he’d grown several centimeters in the past six months alone, and didn’t seem to be stopping. Besides, it was waterproof and comfortable. “I like it.”

“Good. You’ll probably be using it a lot this month. It tends to rain a lot in September.” Chuuya stood nearby, helmets in hand, as he watched the brunette try on different coats. He still had his jacket, so he was fine, and it was sort of entertaining watching Dazai flit about and look at the different racks as things caught his interest. “Next we’ll go to my usual shop I think.”

“Usual shop? Riding gear, I suppose?” Dazai took the coat off and headed for the register. He paid with a black credit card, then had the clerk remove the tags so he could wear it out of the store. 

“Much better.” He closed the coat, tying the belt tight so it wouldn’t get caught in the wheels. “Lead on, Chibikko.”

“Oi, I’m not that short, bastard!” Chuuya clenched his fists, scowling again; if the two of them had been back on base, he would have punched him for that comment. He’d let it slide earlier, but most people didn’t keep trying their luck. Forcibly, he redirected his attention so he didn’t actually punch his co-pilot. The riding gear shop was next on the list; he wanted to get there before they closed for the night, especially if dinner took longer than expected. “I don’t think it’s far from that yakiniku place I was talking about earlier either, so we can go straight there then. Did you figure out where you wanted to check for bandages?” Chuuya led the way back to the bike, handing Dazai his helmet. He climbed on the bike and waited for the other to climb on behind him. Thinking about it, maybe if the bike did become their usual method of transportation, bluetooth helmets might be worth looking into. 

Dazai grinned at Chuuya’s response. _Fact one: Chuuya hates being called short. Fact two: Chuuya has a hell of a temper, but knows it and can keep it under wraps._

_Fact three: Chibi is cute as fuck when he’s mad._

“Yes. There’s a place on the other side of town. They’re open late since they deal with hospitals, at least according to the website. We can go there after dinner.” He paused, then climbed onto the bike behind Chuuya. Just as the other started the engine, he said “And maybe during dinner, we can discuss just how big a bed we’re going to need, eh?”

Chuuya was incredibly glad that he had his helmet on since it covered his entire face from Dazai’s view, but was pretty sure his pause gave him away. He hadn’t been expecting that, though he supposed he should have. 

“Whatever size we get, we’re getting our own sheets for it. I refuse to use the base’s stock.” Without giving Dazai a chance to reply, he revved the engine and started off for the next store, averaging just a bit faster than the first ride. It wasn’t difficult to find his way there, and soon enough he was parking. Pulling off his helmet once he’d come to a stop, he shook his hair out and fixed where it had gotten mussed. “Let’s go get your clothes so we can get some food.”

“Alright, and later we can ditch the clothes and have dessert,” Dazai replied with a smirk as he got off the bike. He was suddenly glad he’d suggested stopping for bandages- there were a few other things they might need, if tonight went well. And if they didn’t have them, there was a pretty good chance Yosano would- she’d insinuated as much in the past. Going to her would be embarrassing, but it was something he could live with.

Chuuya could feel his face heating up yet again, and god damn it, he had just taken off his helmet. He knew he wasn’t going to come up with something to throw back at the other, so instead, he kicked the stand down and got off the bike, propping his helmet on one hip as he began walking away, a bit of sway in his hips as he did so. A few feet away he looked back over one shoulder and asked, mischievously, “Are you coming?”

Dazai forcibly tore his gaze away from Chuuya’s ass, a devilish smile growing on his lips. He strode forward, easily catching up with the other, and tugging off his gloves as he walked. His hands went to the redhead’s cheeks, and he leaned down, pulling Chuuya into a deep, hungry kiss. Pulling back, he smirked and moved to murmur into the other’s ear. “As many times and ways as Chuuya likes, I think. I want to see that gorgeous body of his moving above me, inside me, driving into me until the only thing I can do is scream his name until I’m hoarse. If Chuuya is up to the challenge, that is. Is he?”

“Depends, think you can handle me?” The redhead smirked as he pressed his body flush to the other’s, looking up at him. Dazai’s words sounded enticing, and Chuuya silently lamented that they had so much else planned for the night for a second. There was a slight issue that the rooms weren’t soundproofed either, so screaming might be a bit much, but there were other ways to make a voice hoarse.

The brunette’s smirk widened as Chuuya committed to the game. _Finally, someone who's willing to play._ “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we? It’s a pity we have so much else to do first. But they do say that anticipation makes it better, so I suppose I’ll just have to make sure Chuuya’s interest doesn’t wane in the meantime.”

“And just how do you plan to do that?” Chuuya raised an eyebrow without moving from his position. “Because if you get us kicked out of anywhere, I’m not touching your dick for at least a week, drift or no drift.”

“Oh, Chuuya is good at this game,” Dazai said appreciatively. “But I can’t tell you all my secrets. That would spoil the fun. Don’t worry. I’m looking forward to this entirely too much to risk losing the prize at the end.”

“If this is a game, what do I get if I win?” Chuuya’s smirk never faltered as he stepped back, continuing. “I think I’ll like what happens either way.”

“Mmm, probably,” Dazai agreed, his voice and hands both dropping lower, agile fingers ghosting down the redhead’s chest before settling on narrow hips. His fingertips curled under the edge of the t-shirt, lightly brushing the skin before hooking under the waistband of his jeans.

_Fact four: Confident Chuuya is entirely too tempting for his own good, especially in these jeans._

“Really, the only way to lose is not to play. And I’ve already agreed to give you control, at least for tonight. That’s not something I’d do for just anyone, you know.” The brunette pulled the other back in for a second, murmuring, “You might say you’ve already won. Doesn’t mean we can’t still play,” before letting go, stepping back, and turning on his heel to head into the shop. A confident smirk played over his lips as he walked.

“Maybe we just change up the reward,” Chuuya said as he fell into step with the other. “There’s plenty else out there, but no reason we can’t play without one too.”

“True.” Dazai opened the door to the shop and held it for Chuuya, then followed him in. _After all, it’s not like I plan on letting you get away._

Shopping didn’t take long. Dazai behaved himself- mostly- since he really didn’t want to drag the night out any more than he had to. Fun as teasing Chuuya was proving to be, he knew the other would actually need to sleep at some point. He probably should too, but that was never a given with him.

It was less than an hour before they were done and back on the road, and only twenty minutes or so before they were pulling up in front of an unassuming but still somehow posh-looking building. Chuuya parked and dismounted, then headed for the door, Dazai following close behind.

The brunette approved of the restaurant almost immediately. It was quiet, intimate, and not terribly crowded for the time of day. Because of that, it wasn’t hard to get a secluded table in one corner, and he made sure to request minimal check-ins. It simply wouldn’t do to have constant interruptions while he was trying to play with Chuuya, after all.

Chuuya didn’t object to Dazai asking to be checked in on less - the less chance of the staff having a complaint or embarrassing story to give Ane-san later, the better. That, and the more time they would have to… play around. There was a reason they had always gone to this place. The staff was friendly, the food definitely worth the cost, and it was filling. 

“So, Dazai, what do you think of Yokohama so far?” The redhead asked, leaning back in his chair and watching the other. 

“I haven’t really seen that much of it,” Dazai admitted, a gleam in his amber eyes. “I’ve only been here since yesterday afternoon, and we came pretty much straight to the base. And today, well… my attention hasn’t exactly been on the scenery. I’ve had something much more interesting to keep my eyes on.”

He paused as their waitress came to take their orders. They’d decided to go with a set each- seafood for Dazai, pork for Chuuya- and a pot of tea. The waitress left, and Dazai’s attention returned to his companion. “There's quite a view right in front of me right now, in fact. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite so stunning in my life.”

“I wonder how many times you’ve used that line before, but,” Chuuya said as he leaned back in his chair, eyes on Dazai. “You’re not exactly difficult to look at either.” 

“Only once. But that wasn’t referring to a person, so it doesn’t count.” Dazai smiled at the compliment, and leaned his chin on one hand, his gaze on Chuuya’s. “Besides, lying to someone who can get into my head is pointless. I’d much rather be using my lips for better things.”

Chuuya blushed furiously, and damn it why did he do that so easily?! Breaking eye contact, he looked around the rest of the place, mind racing to come up with a response. He _so_ did not have enough experience in this department. 

“I think we’ll have plenty of time for this later, don’t you think? We still have to figure out our bed, anyway. That’s probably settled sooner rather than later, especially if we’re getting sheets for it.”

“Chuuya makes an excellent point. He is a tiny thing, but I don’t think his bed is big enough for two of us even so,” Dazai said with a cheeky grin. He decided to allow the change in subject- it was something they needed to decide. “Perhaps a queen? Big enough to hold us both, but not so big that Chuuya gets lost in it.”

Scowling, Chuuya kicked his leg twice, once for each comment. He knew better than to make a scene by punching the other in Ane-san’s favorite restaurant, but the redhead also couldn’t let that go without retaliation. 

“That could work. What sort of sheets should we get? The base gets the ultra-cheap ones, not that I think they have any in queen,” he asked instead of yelling at Dazai. Ane-san would be disappointed in him if he started something, even if the other had provoked him.

Dazai shrugged, only half disappointed in not getting more of a rise out of Chuuya. After all, getting them kicked out would be counterproductive. “I can honestly say shopping for sheets is something I have no experience in. I sleep just long enough to function, it’s never mattered to me what the sheets felt like.” He paused as the waitress brought their food and drinks. Picking up his chopsticks, he covered his half of the grill, then sat back. “About the only preference I have is being warm, so blankets are a must too. Everything else is up for grabs.”

“Hm. We’ll see when we get to the shop.” Chuuya did the same, covering the rest of the grill with his own food. “Maybe we’ll just start off with the brand I like and go from there.”

The redhead was surprised that the other had never gone shopping for them before, but sometimes that was the way of things. He wouldn’t have if Ane-san hadn’t started it, wanting him to enjoy the space he had despite living on base most of his life. Sleeping for function was something he could understand, too. Living on base there wasn’t a lot of time even he could laze around - there was always something that needed fixing or improved or consulted on. He hadn’t gotten his spot as the go-to mechanic for no reason, after all.

Dazai hummed an agreement and watched his food intently, content to let the conversation drop for a moment. He hadn’t had much of a chance for quiet- even the hours Chuuya had spent napping had been busy, if somewhat unproductive. Chuuya seemed to be much the same- he’d found little evidence of hobbies besides the motorcycles, and even that was an extension of his job. Well, that and the martial arts, but again, that was a form of combat training. 

He flipped the meat, debating whether or not to break the silence. _Fuck it._

“So, what does Chuuya do when he’s not beating on people or turning wrenches?”

“Um…” Chuuya thought for a minute, checking his food on the grill absently. What did he do besides work on his Jaeger and train? “I like to read, when I can’t work on my Jaeger or use the practice room, I guess. Usually I just work on my design. There are some issues I still can’t quite work out. What about you?”

“Not a lot. Sometimes I help Ranpo with data research- he’s incredibly intelligent, and probably the best you’ll ever find at putting info together, but I’m better at finding the information, and we’re about equal when it comes to strategy. _Soukoku’s_ taken a lot of my time recently. And… for a while, I helped Odasaku look after his kids.” It still hurt to speak of his late partner, but he knew the topic was going to come up eventually, since those memories had been prevalent during the drift. “What kind of books do you read? I didn’t see many in your room.”

“Mostly… poetry, really.” Chuuya let the topic of the kids drop for now - there’d be plenty of time to discuss it later. “Sometimes I’ll read a bit of fiction when someone suggests something, comics here and there. Things like those are easy to just read on my phone.”

“Comics, huh? DC or Marvel? Or do you prefer the independent types? Or are you more into manga?” Dazai’s voice was half-teasing, half-curious, and his eyes lit up. He’d spent quite a bit of time reading comics with some of the kids- Yuu especially had been fond of something called Transformers. The thought of sentient giant alien robots was actually kind of cool, especially since they had giant alien monsters to fight. Nights spent curled up with them, Oda watching quietly from a corner or going in and out with snacks, were some of his most favorite memories, even if they were painful now.

“Marvel, DC, IDW, independent, it’s all fair game so long as it’s interesting.” Chuuya shrugged, pulling his food off before it burned because he had gotten distracted. “I’ve tried some manga, but haven’t really found one I liked yet. What about you?”

“Pretty much the same. I read a lot when I was in Los Angeles for training. I actually still keep in touch with a few shops I found back there- I used to have them ship rare issues of Transformers and Batman out for Yuu and Shinji’s birthdays…” He trailed off for a second, then shook himself. “It’s been a while though. Most of my favorites just bring back memories, and I haven’t been willing to face them all yet.”

He pulled the rest of his food off the grill and shrugged. “I still have some of my collection. Most of them went to the kids when I left. I can have them pulled out of storage if you’re interested.”

“I can understand that.” Chuuya put what was left of his uncooked food on the grill before he began to eat, debating whether it was worth it to get them pulled out of storage and sort of force Dazai to deal with it. Probably not the smartest thing. “Nah, I think we’ll be a bit busy for a while. It can wait. You’ll have to tell me what you have later.”

“I can do that. I think I still have a spreadsheet somewhere.” He followed Chuuya’s example. Seeing the amount he’d been given, he doubted he’d actually eat it all, and taking leftover seafood home was a bad idea since they planned on more stops, but it was alright. Now he knew for next time. Maybe they could make this a regular date night. 

Dazai’s thoughts stuttered for a second. He’d never truly considered having a boyfriend. Was this actually a date? Shopping and dinner were regular date activities, weren’t they? Yeah, they were celebrating a successful drift, but still… 

“Sounds useful.” Chuuya said in between bites. The pork here was as good as always, but that was what he usually got - his eyes flickered to the food Dazai had pulled off before refocusing on his own as he dipped a piece. He was still pretty hungry… Reaching around, Chuuya grabbed a piece of the other’s seafood, popping it into his mouth. 

Dazai blinked as Chuuya stole a piece of his food, then grinned. “Heh. You have a heck of an appetite for such a small person. Where does it all go, I wonder?” He pushed the plate closer anyway, more than willing to share. “Not that I mind. You’re going to need the energy for later, after all.”

“Oh shove it.” Chuuya’s blush had receded but made a comeback as he thought about just what Dazai was referencing. “You’re making it sound like I’m going to be doing all the work.”

“Well, most of it,” Dazai affirmed. “Of the two of us, you are the more physical one, after all. I’m fairly certain you have much more _stamina_ ,” the word rolling off his tongue sounded almost obscene, “than I do.”

“Even so, I’m not doing _all_ of the work.” Chuuya grabbed another piece of Dazai’s food, alternating it with his own. He used a lot of energy on a regular basis with his ability, so he was still fairly hungry. “So after this, bandages, shopping, then back to base?” 

The brunette pouted just a little bit when his words didn’t get a reaction, but nodded. “We might as well get everything now. I have a feeling we’re going to be busy for the next bit, especially once our training really starts kicking in. Between that, and getting _Soukoku_ finished, and your Jaeger… does yours have a name yet?” He paused as something Chuuya’d said earlier registered. “You said you were having issues with yours. What kind of issues?”

“I might, but I’m not certain on it yet. It’s more of a nickname I guess until I find something. Nothing’s standing out really.” Chuuya shook his head, looking back up toward the other. “The issues… I’ll show you when we get back to the base. I actually can’t get much further putting it together until I figure out how to fix those anyway. And I need to get that part remade properly. You would think that they’d give us parts that won’t compromise us given that we’re supposed to be protecting them. Dumbasses.”

“That’s the problem with military suppliers,” Dazai said, slightly bitterly. He’d run into the same issue a few times when they were building _Soukoku._ It was one of the reasons he’d been able to identify the faulty part so easily. “A lot of them love to take the government’s money and line their pockets by cutting corners. I’ve had to have… discussions with more than one idiot supervisor who thought it’d be a wonderful idea to rip us off.” There was a darkness in his eyes as he mentioned the discussions. 

He shook it off. “If you want, I can put you in touch with a few reliable places we found. I don’t know how Mori-san works yet, but Fukuzawa-san gave us quite a lot of leeway with suppliers, as long as they did good work and were willing to take military contracts.” 

The brunette took a last bit of fish off his plate, then pushed the rest completely over to Chuuya’s side of the table with a small smile. At least his leftovers wouldn’t be going to waste.

Chuuya vaguely wondered if he should feel the slightest bit guilty that he was eating a good bit of Dazai’s food, but the brunette had already admitted that he didn’t eat much. At least he had eaten some of it. He wasn’t sure if it was the earlier panic, the fact that the yakimeshi was the only thing he had eaten that day, or what, but he easily devoured what was left on the table, sitting back once it was done. 

“I haven’t tried convincing him to switch suppliers or anything, so you might have to ask Ane-san about that. Might be worth it though. I don’t think I’m the only one they’ve tried this on - usually it’s just them sending the wrong part though - a cheaper version of something, etc. I actually don’t know if anybody’s brought it up to her in the first place. She would have something to say about it.” 

“Alright. Do you want dessert? I’d say we should stop and stock up on snacks, but there’s only so much we can fit on that bike.” Chuuya’s appetite was mildly fascinating to Dazai. Like so much else about the fiery redhead, it was the total opposite of his own. Yet it complemented him as well. He suddenly had an idea what it was like to be pulled in by For the Tainted Sorrow- the other’s gravity was almost inescapable, at least for him.

The only thing he was certain of was this: since the drift, he’s _felt_ more strongly than he ever has. Dazai suddenly wondered if the ghost drift had actually let go at all.

“Nah, I’m good for now, and I don’t think we should bring it on the bike.” Leaning back, Chuuya stretched his arms; he was now comfortably full, and even with the nap earlier it probably wouldn’t be hard to get to sleep later, especially if there were certain activities involved beforehand. Dazai… was surprisingly easy to be out with, even if this was startlingly close to a date and he actually wouldn’t mind doing this again with the other.

He blinked in surprise at the thought. His opinion of the brunette had changed drastically in the last day, and he… didn’t see an issue with it. 

Huh.

The redhead looked back to Dazai. 

“So, where next?”

“Hmmm. Sheets, then bandages. We should probably fill out the requisition form as soon as we get back, before we get… distracted. And we can talk to Kouyou-san about the suppliers later. I have a feeling you’re not going to have much time to spend in the bays for a bit.” He waved at the waitress, requesting the check. 

The check paid, he and Chuuya left the restaurant. The food had been both tasty and filling, and he was looking forward to finishing up their errands so they could get back to base.

As they rode to their next destination, Dazai thought back on his earlier epiphany. Shopping, dinner, the way Chuuya had reacted to the kiss… and he’d agreed to sex after only a few hours of knowing each other. Not just agreed, either. He’d played along, giving an almost perfect response to every one of Dazai’s jabs and innuendos. Even the small talk had been interesting.

So. Still drifting, or had they just clicked that well?

Or both?

Shopping for sheets didn’t take long. Chuuya already knew what brand he wanted and the size. Dazai followed him around the store, content to watch as the other debated thread counts and colors. His only real contribution was insisting on blue, and helping decide on a pillow or two and a few extra blankets for himself. After arranging to have their purchases sent to the base, he gave Chuuya the location of the supply shop, and they climbed onto the bike and headed out.

Dazai’s business at the shop didn’t take long either. To his great delight, they agreed to create a standing order of his preferred bandages and deliver them to base. He grabbed enough to carry him over until the first shipment arrived, along with a few more… intimate items he and Chuuya were going to need for the night. Then it was back on the bike, and before he knew it, they were back in Chuuya's garage.


	6. Fast learners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this chapter is _definitely_ NSFW

“And… done.” Dazai clicked the _send_ button on the requisition form for their new bed. A popup informed him that an answer would be sent in the next 72 hours. He closed it, then quickly checked the results of the searches he’d left running while they were gone. A few things had popped up, and he scanned them quickly before closing the laptop again. _Interesting._

“So what now?” Chuuya asked as he lounged on the bed. He’d given up watching Dazai fill out the form early on and had lain back with a comic instead, answering whatever question the brunette threw his way. 

Dazai grinned wickedly, rising and making his way to the bed. He climbed onto it, making his way up it until he was hovering over Chuuya, perched on all fours and boxing the smaller man in. He gently pulled the comic out of the redhead’s hands and placed it on the nightstand.

“Hi,” he said quietly, breathily, his eyes smouldering embers.

“Hey.” Chuuya answered back the same way, giving up the comic without a fight as he grinned. The redhead had been anticipating this, even if the thought made him a bit nervous. But who wasn’t their first time? 

The brunette leaned down just enough to bury his head in the crook of Chuuya’s neck, ghosting featherlight kisses behind his ear and working his way down to the juncture of his shoulder. He paused for a second, then bit down gently on the bundle of nerves there, sucking hard enough to bruise.

Chuuya shivered in response, and the mechanic’s hands went to the other’s waist, not to hold him back, but simply as somewhere to put them. The sensation was pleasant, unsurprisingly if a little unexpected, and Chuuya’s grip tightened as the brunette bruised his shoulder. 

“Dazai…” He breathed out, hands flexing as he resisted the urge to pull the other closer to himself.

“Hmmm?” Dazai pulled away, smiling at his handiwork before laving it with his tongue to cool the sting. He moved up, kissing along Chuuya’s jawline before finally capturing his lips with his own. He started gentle, and moved his hands so he could brace with one while using the other to cup the redhead’s cheek, stroking his thumb along the cheekbone. The kiss quickly grew hungrier as the taste of other’s lips started to fray at his self-control, already stretched thin by the events of the day.

God, he _wanted._ And that fact alone was almost enough to throw him.

He’d never fallen this fast. Or this hard. Hell, he’d never gotten past an initial make-out or two. No one had ever made it past the numbness at his core before.

_What are you doing to me, Chuuya?_

Chuuya’s eyes flickered to the side as nerves rose up in him. He’d been anticipating this, had been _wanting_ it, so he pushed those nerves back down and tightened his grip as the other drew him into a kiss, letting himself be pulled into the feeling of it. This he enjoyed, enough so it helped to ease some of the nerves he’d pushed down. 

The feeling of Dazai’s lips on his, the hunger that grew between them as the kiss continued, he delved into it, letting himself fall into that current. One hand began teasing underneath the brunette’s shirt, skating along the bandages there, as the other pulled Dazai’s shirt up just a bit. Chuuya broke from the kiss to breathe for a second before he murmured a question in time with his pulling on the other’s shirt.

“Off?”

“Yes,” he answered, pulling back enough to strip off the shirt. He felt Chuuya’s hands on the bare skin of his stomach and shivered. It had been a _long_ time since anyone had touched him there for anything but medical checkups.

He bent, raising the hem of Chuuya’s shirt, kissing along the edges, featherlight touches as long fingers moved upward. His hands roamed, caressing soft skin over firm muscles as he pushed the shirt up. “Off?” he asked. 

“Off,” Chuuya agreed, lifting his torso so his shirt could be eased off. He sat up, a hand on Dazai’s chest, on the bandages the other still wore. The redhead wasn’t about to ask Dazai to remove them, though. They served a purpose, whatever that may be. Instead he twisted them, taking advantage of the fact that his partner was incredibly light, to switch spots so that Chuuya was on the other’s lap instead.

“This okay?” He asked as he straddled the other, hands still on his waist.

“Heh. Agile little thing, aren’t you?” Dazai murmured, instantly liking the new position. He was just tall enough that Chuuya fit nicely right where he was, and he bent slightly to nibble at the other’s neck, tracing the line of his throat and collarbone with teeth and tongue until the other was shivering and gasping under his touch.

“You’re so sensitive,” he said in between nips. “Has no one ever done this to you before?” He was fairly certain the other had never actually had sex- that was something that probably would’ve come up by now, and he was far too nervous, although he hid it well- but was he Chuuya’s first everything?

“I don’t-don’t see you complaining.” Chuuya said, his back arching into the other so they were pressed together as the brunette dove in again. It took a minute but he eventually found an answer to Dazai’s question; the attention being paid to his neck made it a little difficult to concentrate. 

“No - kinda difficult to find a bit of fun when you live on a military base and everybody’s scared of your sister.” Talking came easier when he managed to separate a bit of his attention to dedicate to it. He couldn’t stay the night off base since he was still a minor in their care, and bringing company back from town was frowned upon. Even the occasional foray off base that he'd managed without company hadn’t had any luck. 

Whatever. Here and now was happening.

“Not complaining at all. Just tell me if you’re uncomfortable with anything, okay?” Dazai pulled back for a moment and looked him in the eyes. “I’m serious about that. If anything feels off or wrong, let me know. Triggers are weird, and most people don’t know they exist until they’re tripped.” Much as he wanted this, he also wanted it to be good for his partner (which was a totally new thing for him as well, and more evidence that he was already slightly in love. Or at least closer to it than he’d ever been).

Chuuya frowned as Dazai pulled back, meeting those dark eyes. Off or wrong? An odd way to put things, but maybe that was Chuuya’s inexperience talking. He didn’t think he had any of these ‘triggers’ the brunette spoke of (why would he?) but who knew.

“Okay, I guess?” He hazarded after a moment. It was a little difficult to commit to it when he couldn’t really see a reason why, but if Dazai had a reason to ask… wasn’t that good enough? Was it related to the stronger than usual panic attack earlier? “If you think it’s necessary.”

“Standard precaution, Chibi. I have a couple of my own, at least that I know about. I think you’ve guessed one, and I doubt we’ll encounter the other tonight, so we can discuss that later. But now that that’s out of the way…” he raised one hand to Chuuya’s cheek and pulled him in for a searing kiss. They broke after a moment, gasping for breath, and he smiled wickedly. 

“Now, Chuuya… I believe I said something about watching you moving above me. First, though, I want to mark up that pretty skin of yours. I want you to remember this every time you look in the mirror for the next few days. And then, I want to strip off our jeans and have you show me just how strong and flexible that body of yours really is. How does that sound?”

“I think that sounds like a plan.” Chuuya smirked, a part of him relieved both by the conversation and the subsequent return of the teasing (and promises) for the time being. The redhead moved his hands to the other’s chest, drawing lines as he found the sensitive bits, pinching lightly at the other’s nipples. 

“Ah, fuck, Chuuya,” Dazai moaned, a shudder running down his spine under the other’s touch. He ran his own fingers up the redhead’s sides, digging in when Chuuya hit a particularly sensitive spot. Somehow the redhead was finding all the spaces no one else had ever thought to look for, and the smolder in his gaze turned to flames. 

He bent forward again, once more attacking that gorgeous neck, but instead of kissing it he bit down hard enough to make the other cry out. One hand moved into flaming hair, pulling the tie out and letting it cascade down his back, long fingers tangling in the locks and pulling his head sideways, and he started sucking bruises into pale skin, starting at the one he’d already made and leaving a trail all the way down to his shoulder. The moans and cries he drew from the other were exquisite, every sound going straight through him and fueling his arousal.

“Such pretty noises you make, Chuuya,” he said, his voice thick and heavy. “Your voice is as gorgeous as the rest of you. It’s making it difficult to take this as slow as I wanted to.” He moved down further, flicking his tongue over one nipple, and he smirked as Chuuya shuddered. “Fuck.”

“You’re not exactly... hard on the eyes either.” Chuuya breathed out as one hand continued playing with one nipple, the other trailing up to the other’s hair, holding tightly though he didn’t use it to direct the other. He wasn’t sure what to do, where to put his hands; the pleasure coursing through him made it hard to think. A part of him could see the appeal of it; why people enjoyed it so much. Another was a bit unsettled about how powerful the feeling was. The mechanic’s emotions were all over the place today. 

Dazai pulled back a moment, studying Chuuya. He already looked half lost in the pleasure. _I should have expected that. Wellspring of emotion indeed._

“Still with me, Chibi?” he said, half teasing, half gauging where the other’s head was. “Don’t get too lost yet, we’ve barely gotten started.” He took the redhead’s hand from his chest and moved it down, placing it lightly on his hip. 

“Here is good if you want to brace yourself. Or go lower,” the brunette said with a smirk, before he moved his own hand and undid the button on Chuuya’s jeans, then slid his hand under the cloth to finally cup the ass he’d been staring at half the day. It felt as good as it looked, all toned muscle and firm flesh, and he squeezed slightly.

The redhead took a deep breath as the onslaught lessened, taking the chance to center himself like he’d learned to do so long ago. He hadn’t gotten caught up in his emotions quite like that in a while, save for his temper. 

“Yeah. Yeah I’m good.” He opened his eyes, not quite sure when they had closed, and met the other’s gaze as a grin crossed his face. Leaving the one hand in Dazai’s hair, he followed the brunette’s lead and let the other trail back up and down to hit some of the sensitive spots he’d found the first time before he changed direction. His hand traced over Dazai’s hip for a moment before it slid over the front of the other’s jeans with just a bit more pressure than he’d been using so far as he grinned. 

Dazai bit back a moan as Chuuya’s hand strayed into interesting places, and his own tightened in reaction, before he pulled the other in close, lifting him up onto his knees and kissing him fiercely. “That works too. God.”

He was rapidly losing his composure, and wondered if this was how people normally felt in this situation. That bit of thought was drowned out as Chuuya’s hand pressed harder. He’d felt the strength in those hands, the roughness of the callouses from his training and work as a mechanic, and he suddenly wanted those fingers wrapped around him, or buried inside him, more than he’d wanted anything for a very long time. He fell back, drawing Chuuya down with him, and withdrew his hands to tug at the other’s waistband. “Off.”

“Off.” Chuuya agreed with a tug at the other’s waistband as well. He wasn’t going to strip down first, not unless the other was doing it too. Things weren’t quite so staggering now that he’d found a foothold again, and the nerves were near nonexistent, enough so that he barely noticed them even as they flared up for a second when the probability of getting naked had come up. The redhead had enjoyed the reaction he’d gotten though; something told the mechanic that this was going to go faster than either of them had planned. 

Dazai nodded, pushing Chuuya up just far enough to lift his hips up and push his jeans and underwear down, then kicking them off onto the floor. He wasn’t entirely sure he trusted his voice just now. Being naked except for the bandages, his dick hard and flush against his stomach, and Chuuya’s lithe form stretched out above him… and the fire that burned inside him, like nothing he’d ever felt. It was almost too much, and he felt part of his mind trying to shut it down, trying to clamp down on the emotion before it could overwhelm him, and he throttled that impulse before it could fully take hold. _He wanted this_ . He wanted to burn, to be consumed by the fire in Chuuya’s eyes, and he could _feel_ the other’s desire through what he now knew was the remnants of their drift.

_God._

He ran his hands down Chuuya’s body, feeling every dip and curve and muscle, closing his eyes and letting himself memorize every inch. “So gorgeous,” he whispered.

Chuuya shimmied out of his jeans and boxers as soon as Dazai had gotten rid of his own, kicking them off to join the other clothing on the floor. He settled back on Dazai’s lap, straddling the brunette, his own dick hard between them. As Dazai ran his hands over Chuuya, the redhead arched into his touch, gasping at both the praise and the unintended friction the action caused between them. Oh that had felt good.

One hand went to Dazai’s chest, palm flat against it, as the other went between them, fingers trailing lightly over both of them before loosely taking them in hand.

_“Fuck,”_ Dazai gasped, his eyes flying open and his hands tightening as his spine bowed upwards. He sat up, hips bucking slightly as Chuuya wrapped his hand around their erections, and pulled the redhead into a messy kiss, moaning at the warmth of the hand on his chest as it penetrated the bandages. “Chuuya,” he said as they parted for air, his voice thick with desire and need and emotions he couldn’t quite name, “fuck, Chuuya, your hands feel so good.”

His own had started moving again, nails leaving red trails on pale skin, and the flames in his eyes grew as he watched the lithe body in front of him shudder and buck under his touch. He moved his own hips again, desperate for the friction, for _something_ , before he went completely insane.

The redhead poured himself into the kiss, enjoying the feeling of the brunette moaning into it. Chuuya’s hands weren’t the only ones that felt good, especially when the other used his nails. He shuddered in response, his hips bucking just a bit. Pulling back only slightly, he braced himself on Dazai’s chest before he tightened his grip on both of them and moved his hips, generating friction for the both of them. As much as he enjoyed watching Dazai start to fall apart, there was only so much either could take. 

_Finally._ The brunette moaned again, moving one hand and digging his nails into that firm ass as Chuuya moved. Just the feel of the other moving was incredible, and he wasn’t really sure how much more he could take.

“Please,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “I- ah- I want you buried inside me, Chuuya. God. Fuck me. Now.”

Chuuya had seen Dazai putting some stuff in his- their nightstand earlier and it wasn’t far, so he leaned over, using the hand that had been on the brunette’s chest to rummage around for a moment. He pulled out a condom and a bottle of lube, shutting the drawer and tossing the small bottle on the bed, sitting up so that he could tear the wrapper open. Neither of them had discussed whether they were clean or not that he could remember, especially as distracted as he was now, so the redhead didn’t want to take the chance. 

Gods, Dazai sounded so hot like that, on his back and barely able to speak. 

Quickly putting the condom on, he reached for the lube, opening it so he could pour a bit over one hand, recapping it and tossing it back on the bed as the redhead reached down between them. His hand trailed over Dazai as he went until he reached his goal, teasing just a bit with a grin on his face before he gently pressed his finger against Dazai’s hole. 

“Ah, fuck.” Dazai squirmed, pressing against that finger, and glared (as much as he could, with his pupils blown wide and his eyes trying to flutter shut) at Chuuya. “Quit teasing, Chibi. Come on- ah!” 

He gasped, spine arching again, as Chuuya sank his finger in up to the knuckle. It felt… odd, but amazing, and his mind went blissfully blank as he processed it. Then he rolled his hips in a silent plea, his words lost in the haze of sensation.

The redhead was still grinning as he pulled the finger in and out a few times before he carefully added a second finger. Now that he’d figured out how things went, it was easier to get into the swing of it. Chuuya moved back a bit so his hand wasn’t at quite a sharp angle, his other on the brunette’s thigh. Moving his hand, he slowly stretched the other; he knew the idea of what to do, but he wasn’t sure how fast was too fast. That, and Dazai looked incredibly hot like that.

_He learns fast. God._ Dazai forced his eyes open, craning his neck to watch Chuuya as the other concentrated, then hissed and clenched as the other found his prostate. He’d never felt anything like that, and his eyes were wild as he looked back at the redhead.

“Th-there. Do that again. Shit!” he said in a strangled whisper as he collapsed back onto the bed, his hands fisting in the sheets.

Chuuya’s grin widened as Dazai reacted so strongly - he’d known the guy for less than 24 hours, but even Chuuya could tell that the other wasn’t usually this affected. He’d felt his own rush of pleasure at the same time Dazai reacted and some part in the back of his mind went ‘hey. Ghost drift?’ but that wasn’t terribly important at the moment. Now that he was centered it was easier to keep from being overwhelmed, even if he was starting to lose it a bit now that things were getting even more interesting. 

Doing as Dazai asked, the redhead hit the other’s prostate, grabbing the lube and opening the lid again, waiting until he had unclenched before Chuuya, with a little more lube added to the mix, added a third finger.

Dazai hissed slightly as Chuuya slipped another finger into him. He hadn’t accounted for the ache from being stretched so fast, but it was quickly lost in the pleasure as the redhead’s callused fingers dragged over his prostate again, and he bucked. A wordless cry escaped him, followed by a string of words he wasn’t entirely sure made sense as the pleasure grew, coiling around his gut.

“Chuuya, yes, god, please, right there, right- fuck. Close, I’m close, Chuuya…”

The redhead’s own pleasure became hard to ignore as Dazai started begging, and he withdrew his fingers, wiping the lube off on his dick before he poured a bit more from the bottle onto it. Dazai had asked to be fucked, and Chuuya didn’t want to disappoint. Lining himself up, the redhead pressed in slowly, watching the other’s face for his reactions, trying to make this as good as possible for both of them. 

The brunette took the moment to breathe as Chuuya withdrew his fingers. He didn’t want to finish yet, didn’t want the ride to be over, so he _breathed,_ reeling himself back from the edge. The haze cleared a bit, enough that he could concentrate on the feeling of _warmth_ and _fullness_ and how Chuuya fit just _right,_ filling him as he bottomed out, the stretch new but perfect and god, it felt _incredible._ He thought he might have said something out loud, but he wasn’t entirely sure, and it didn’t really matter just then anyway.

He was glad the other stopped for a moment to let him adjust. His eyes closed again as he concentrated on the feeling. It felt… _right._ Like they belonged here, together, two pieces of a whole, the physical completing the mental pairing they’d started that afternoon. A deep-rooted satisfaction formed in the back of his mind, one that persisted even as the calm he’d drawn into himself fractured as Chuuya started moving again.

Dazai shifted, wrapping long legs around Chuuya’s waist, lifting his hips slightly in an effort to help the other find that spot inside him again.

Neither were aware of it, but Chuuya’s thoughts were along the same lines. He didn’t have anything to compare it to, but did it really matter? Dazai felt perfect, tight and hot and better than he’d ever thought it could be. The two of them felt _right_ , felt like this was supposed to be, and he took pride in the feeling of satisfaction that he could barely place as coming though their drift. 

The redhead started moving, and _god_ , it was amazing. Dazai wrapped his legs around his waist and Chuuya’s hands fell to his hips, holding him tightly as the two of them moved together. It wouldn’t take long for either to finish, not at this rate.

Dazai’s hands fisted in the sheets again, his breathing ragged as a familiar warmth built inside him. The other had found a nearly perfect angle, and the slow drag of Chuuya’s cock over the bundle of nerves had him riding the edge. “Chuuya,” he breathed, “so good, you feel so good, I’m, hngh, I’m close… just need… touch me, please, let me feel those fingers around me, god…”

If Chuuya hadn’t been so focused on making sure the two of them were feeling good and not being swept away from the pleasure, he would have made a comment about not being a god. As it was, he took the other in hand, stroking in time with his own thrusts, squeezing lightly. They were both so close, and he had no intention of falling over the edge first. 

“Come on, Osamu.” Chuuya breathed out as he thrust just a little harder, emboldened by the other’s loss of composure. 

_Osamu._ Three syllables in a raspy, breathless voice, and Dazai fell over that edge, starbursts exploding behind his eyelids as he came hard, his entire body clenching as the pleasure consumed him. Dimly, he felt the other tense, but his mind was too hazy for anything to penetrate just then. It felt… quiet, fogged, like someone had wrapped his brain in cotton. It didn’t last long, but it was enough.

Chuuya himself came as Dazai clenched around him, the other’s release the final push off the edge. His vision whited out, body tensing, until he was done and all he could do was pull out and peel the condom off. He tied it off and tossed it into the trash, then fell onto his side next to the brunette. That had been amazing and he couldn’t put it into words, couldn’t find anything that matched up to it, so he didn’t even try. Silence settled over the two of them, calm and peaceful, and Chuuya blinked slowly as he caught his breath. He watched the other’s face as he moved to Dazai’s side, laying against him for a moment. 

Dazai let out a sigh of contentment as Chuuya curled up next to him, and one arm went around the other, holding him close. That had been… amazing, mind-blowing, incredible, all those cliche and overused terms he’d never thought he’d experience himself. Something wet trickled down his cheek, and he raised a hand to it, wiped the wetness away. Another followed, and he realized he was crying.

Huh.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. Not even Oda’s death had broken that wall for him- he’d grieved, yes, but tears… he’d never felt anything strongly enough to warrant them. It seemed today was all sorts of firsts for him.

The brunette turned his head, kissing the top of Chuuya’s, and let the tears flow. If he was right, and they were still drifting, it was pointless to try to hide them anyway.

Chuuya fit himself against the other’s side after Dazai pressed a kiss to his hair, pillowing his head on the other’s shoulder and looking back up at the other’s face just in time to see tears begin to drip down his face. He didn’t understand why it happened - the other’s emotions, what he could feel of them anyway, weren’t sadness, or regret, or anything negative, just surprise and something he couldn’t place. 

An air of not quite sombreness came over the room then, something Chuuya wasn’t willing to break with speech. Instead he just wrapped his own arm around Dazai’s chest and pressed a light kiss to what he could reach.

“I’m alright, Chibi,” Dazai said after a moment. “It’s just a little much. I’ve never felt like this before. Or this _much_ before, really. It’s hard to explain; but, imagine wearing dark sunglasses your entire life, and then suddenly taking them off at noon on a summer day. The colors are amazing, but it’s bright and shining and it hurts a bit. That’s kind of where I am right now. It’s bright and colorful and a little painful, but glorious too. And I’m half afraid the sunglasses will drop back into place and I’ll lose it, and it’ll be even worse than it was before. Does that make sense?”

He smiled, then, with a wonder that looked odd but felt right in that smile. “And you called me Osamu. It kind of threw me for a second. No one’s ever called me Osamu.”

“Did you mind it? Being called by your given name?” Chuuya asked as a corner of his lips turned up in the face of that smile. Dazai… didn’t sound _happy_ , per say, but more awed. He wasn’t sure what he could say about the rest of it. The redhead was glad that Dazai was apparently pleased with how things were going, and this was just the start of their partnership. How would things go from here? 

Was it selfish to wonder if there was anything he could do to help keep those sunglasses off?

“I don’t mind as long as it’s you saying it, no,” Dazai answered. “It sounds right, coming from you. I just never really noticed it was a thing until now, I guess. Even Odasaku called me Dazai, and he was the closest thing I ever had to family.”

His smile turned sad. “The kids called me nii-san. He was a dad to all of us, sort of, even if none of us were actually his children. Losing him was probably the first thing to ever truly break through No Longer Human, and that wasn’t anywhere near this intense.”

“How many kids were there? I knew about you two, but that’s about it.” Chuuya asked, hoping that it would be more of a good thing to talk about than a hurtful one, but he was curious.

“How was he, as a partner? Obviously you two got along but...”

“Five. You saw them in the drift. Sakura, Yuu, Shinji, Kousuke, and Katsumi. They’d all been orphaned by a kaiju attack. Odasaku found them and took them long before we became partners. And yes, we did,” he added. “He was… a rock. Calm, dependable, and he could see right through a person but never judged them for what he found there. I… loved him, as much as I was able to feel such a thing. Like I said, he was a father to us all. The only one I’ve ever really known. He saved me, in a few different ways. And I was too fucking numb to even cry when he died.”

The tears were back, of long-delayed grief this time, and he didn’t fight those either. He just rolled slightly so he could hold Chuuya with both arms, and buried his face in fiery hair. He stayed that way for a little while, the tears and a slight shake to his shoulders the only indicators as to what he was feeling, before letting go and pulling back enough to wipe his eyes.

“Sorry, Chuuya. I’m kind of ruining the mood, aren’t I?” he asked, an attempt at his normal manner in his voice. “We should probably get up. I think we could both use a shower at this point, and I definitely need to change bandages.”

` The redhead let Dazai speak, his arms going around the other when he rolled over. It was obvious the brunette needed some comfort at the moment, needed to let everything go. Chuuya let him cry it out, hoping that he provided some sort of support, and let the other pull away when he was done. 

“If you needed it, you needed it. Emotions are weird.” Chuuya shrugged. He’d been pulled around by them for pretty much his entire life, although he’d never had to mourn a partner like Oda. Sure there’d been deaths on base, but being drift partners was completely different in terms of grief and mourning. “I think if you enjoyed it, anything you need can come after.”

Chuuya grimaced as he stood, the feeling of Dazai’s spent having rubbed onto him when the other had rolled over.

“Like showers. You first or me?”

“Go ahead. Doing the bandages takes a bit. And… I’m not quite ready to show you what’s under them, not yet.” He grimaced. “It probably won’t take long, and there’s a good chance some of it will show up in the drift anyway, so I should warn you ahead of time. None of it’s pleasant, although I’m fairly certain you’ve guessed that much.”

“It’s still your call to give it up. Just because we’re drift partners doesn’t mean everything needs to come out immediately.” Chuuya grabbed some sleep clothes from the dresser, just pants and a tank top, and leaned against the wall by the door to the bathroom, eyes on Dazai. It wasn’t large, just enough for a shower, toilet, sink and a cabinet, but it was better than the dorm-style setup that most of the base had. He’d gotten lucky that at the time Kouyou had been able to grab it for him and convince Mori to let him keep it. “If it comes up, I can’t promise I won’t be curious, but I’ll try not to ask about it unless you bring it up. It’s your call.”

He was telling the truth - they might be partners, but that didn’t absolutely mean their pasts immediately had to come to light. Chuuya’s wasn’t anything special, but that didn’t give him any right to pry into the other’s. It would answer some questions, sure, but if it wasn’t anything he had to know, why force him to give it up? The redhead had his theories, but they could stay just that. Dazai had already mentioned that he was in therapy. It was being handled, probably.

“Thanks for that. At least I’m fairly certain _you_ won’t run screaming. That’s happened.” A smile, wry but genuine, tugged at the corners of his lips. “Go get clean. We can talk more over cuddles in a bit. Sound good?”

“Hey, if I can drift with you, I think I’ve passed the chance to run screaming. Ane-san would drag me back anyway.” Chuuya joked as he pushed off the wall and opened the door, his own smile on his face. “But yeah. Sounds good.”

Dazai let the smile bloom fully and shooed Chuuya into the bathroom. _I’m not the only one with secrets, Chibi. I wonder how you’ll react when we figure out yours?_


	7. Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cuddling, talking, and unabashed fluff.

Dazai stepped out of the bathroom, clothed in fresh bandages and pajamas, and grinned at the sight before him. Chuuya lay curled up under the covers reading the comic from earlier, and the marks he’d left were prominently on display under the tank top the other wore. He himself was slightly sore, the speed at which they’d moved coming back to remind him of what they’d done, but that was okay. The pleasure had been more than worth a little soreness.

He crawled up onto the bed, slipping into the sheets and laying beside the redhead, unsure of whether he wanted to wrap himself around the other. The brunette wasn’t really used to physical intimacy of any sort, and this was yet another situation he had no reference for. Still, Chuuya had been receptive to the idea of cuddling, so maybe?

Chuuya, done with the comic, closed it and set it on the nightstand, and rolled over to lay on top of Dazai, propping himself up on his forearms.

“Okay?” He checked, flipping his hair out of his face when it tried to flop over his eyes. This was why he usually tied it back. Dazai hadn’t seemed to have a problem with Chuuya on top of him earlier, but he wanted to be sure. The brunette had been the one to offer up the idea of cuddles, but this may not have been what he’d had in mind. 

“Okay,” Dazai confirmed, wrapping his arm around his partner. (Lover? Boyfriend? Were they actually dating now? He wasn’t sure what this was, but he liked it.) He raised his other hand, brushing stray hairs out of Chuuya’s face, and smiled. If anything, Chuuya was even more amazing up close, and he let that appreciation show in his eyes. 

_Fact five: Chuuya is pretty, especially with his hair down._

“Hi, beautiful,” he said softly.

Chuuya flushed and hid his face in the other’s chest in response, sinking so that he wasn’t propping himself up anymore and taking the chance to fix the sheets so they weren’t trapped between the two of them. 

“Dazai, you can’t do that.” He grumbled, worming one arm beneath the brunette’s waist, holding him in return. The other’s smile had been nice though, and the expression on his face… The redhead wasn’t going to stop blushing anytime soon because Dazai was hot and that expression was directed at _him_. 

The brunette laughed as Chuuya blushed like a schoolgirl. “We just had sex,” he said, amusement in his voice. “I think I’m allowed to call you beautiful. It’s not like it’s a lie. Although the blushing just makes you adorable.” 

He felt the other’s embarrassment over the drift and sobered just a bit. “You really aren’t used to being complimented like that, are you? It’s too bad, really. Although I suppose it’s good for me. If you’d had more opportunity to date, you might have been snapped up already, and then we’d be in an awkward sort of spot right now.” He’d seen that happen a few times, and it never really ended well. Usually the partnership suffered- he knew of at least one that had dissolved entirely because of it. There was a reason most pilots didn’t bother trying to date.

Well. That, and the whole “might die at any moment” thing. 

He shook that off. Now was not the time. 

“So. You answered all my questions earlier. Is there anything else you want to know about me?”

“Um.” Chuuya thought for a minute, trying to figure out if there was anything else he wanted to ask about. Now that the conversational topic had switched, he poked his head out, laying so he could hear the other’s heartbeat as he thought. Was there anything in particular that he wanted answered?

“Why did you start designing _Soukoku_? Most pilots generally are assigned one that’s tailored for their abilities afterward. Not a lot start creating one from the ground up and have the power to get it done.” 

Dazai sighed internally. Of course he started with that. He should’ve expected it, really.

“At first, it was just something to do,” he said. “I spent about a month more or less bedridden after _Flawless_ was destroyed. The hit that took us out got me as well- if Yosano were any less skilled at what she does, I wouldn’t have made it. As it was, it took a while for the injuries to fully heal. I’d been studying design anyway just for the hell of it, and figured it was a good way to spend the time. I have to admit, though, I never expected to actually be asked to pilot her. I originally tailored the design for someone else entirely.”

He sighed again, outwardly this time. “How much do you know about what happened that day?”

“I know what was in the news. I don’t have access to mission reports or anything. There’s a ton of gossip on it, but when isn’t there on anything we do?” Chuuya frowned as he answered. He hadn’t intended to start off with a bad question for Dazai, but it was out now. “I ignore a lot of it, since who knows how much of it’s true. Your Jaeger was in a fight that… Well, I know the obvious. The specifics went unmentioned.”

“That’s partly because that fight revealed a huge design flaw in the Mark III’s, and the higher-ups didn’t want the public to know it existed. It’s something you might have come across, actually, since you’re using a Mark III core. But _Flawless…_ wasn’t. There’s a weakness in the cooling system. The control runs are vulnerable. As we found out.”

Dazai’s hand went to Chuuya’s hair, curling the long strands around his fingers as he talked. It was grounding, and he needed that right now.

“We were fighting a kaiju they called Mimic. Category two, the first we’d ever encountered, and it had the sharpest claws I’ve ever seen on a kaiju. _Flawless_ was built before they started using the new armor, and it tore us to shreds, even with Odasaku’s Ability. It allowed him to see a couple of seconds into the future- useful in a fight, not so helpful when the blow takes out most of the reactor’s cooling system and the auto shutdown. It went critical, fast enough that we couldn’t have stopped it even if we hadn’t been in the middle of a fight.”

Chuuya listened to Dazai talk without stopping him. He knew about the design flaw regarding the shielding in nuclear powered Jaegers - he had to, given that he was using one. It was one of the things he’d had to fix, that he’d taken extra precautions for, but he hadn’t seen an issue in the control runs. The redhead made a note to go over them again, see what he could do about improvements before he worked on them. Maybe he could run them… Not important at the moment.

He’d heard about problems with Jaegers before, where things were so rushed they fell apart on the field. It was one reason why he was determined to have his own, to have had such a part in it that he _knew_ nothing would go wrong. To have everything go down in a fight... Dazai had ejected, but Sakunosuke… His body had never been found. 

“You ejected, but your injuries…” The brunette had been really bad off. To have managed to eject…

The brunette exhaled, and when he spoke, his voice was soft with grief and remembered pain. “Odasaku was all about saving people. That included me, when it all went down. The blow that got me took out my escape rig. I’d been knocked half unconscious. The drift was still going- it’s the only reason I know for sure what happened. Every second is burned into my memory. He- Oda sacrificed himself. He tore me out of my rig, hooked me up in his, and sent me out. I know he was scared. It was the only time I’d felt anything like fear from him. Or sorrow. Right before he hit the button, he told me he was proud of me. And to take care of myself, and the kids. The last few seconds, I felt the heat as the core breached. And then he was gone. It’s the loneliest I’ve ever felt, and that never really went away. Not until today.”

“I’m glad I could help with that.” The redhead said softly, unsure of what else to say. Grief wasn’t new - pilots died, engineers died, just unlucky people died. People had been crushed by parts and pieces of Jaegers, but he’d never known them well, not really. It was different dealing with those directly affected by it, and he could feel Dazai’s pain in the back of his mind. He wished he could do more, but what was there? Chuuya could be there for him and that was about it. 

Dazai kissed the top of Chuuya’s head in answer. They lay in silence for a moment while the brunette collected himself. Then he continued.

“Anyway, we were talking about why I started Soukoku. After that fight, I decided to step back from piloting. But there were the kids to think about, so once I was recovered enough, Fukuzawa and I started looking for an orphanage to take them in. I’m not old enough to be their guardian, and they’d already started talking about shutting down the base since we’d been the last Jaeger stationed there, so everything was kind of up in the air anyway.”

Blue eyes rose to meet his, and he smiled softly at the look in them. It was soft and caring, so unlike the fire from earlier, and he fell a little more for the man in his arms.

“It took us about six weeks and several dozen tries to find a good place that would take all of them. Only the headmaster knew they were Odasaku’s kids- we didn’t want someone adopting them just for the celebrity factor. That search gave me a greater appreciation of Oda. Especially when we got to one place in Sapporo. That’s where we found Atsushi.”

“Do you get to keep in contact with them?” Chuuya asked. He’d ask who or what Atsushi was in a minute, but he wanted to know a little more about the kids he’d seen in the drift. “You seemed to be close to them.”

“Yes. Yuu’s been adopted, but part of the arrangement was letting us stay in touch. I video call them once a week or so, and I visited them just before I left. If you want, I’ll introduce you next time.” He could already imagine Sakura’s squeal. At nine, she was already a hopeless romantic, and would probably have their entire future planned before the call ended. The smile on his face edged toward a grin at the thought.

“Sure, that sounds like fun. I don’t really know what to do with younger kids though.” Chuuya smiled as Dazai sounded happier. That was good. He didn’t want all of their discussions to be of the sad sort today; there would be time for that. “We don’t really have any kids here besides the ones who come through on the occasional sort of tour.”

“Not surprised at that. Yuu’s going to ask you a million questions once he finds out you’re a Jaeger mechanic, and Sakura will probably ask if we’re dating. They’ll love you, though, especially once they realize how close we are already. Like all good siblings, they worry about me sometimes.” _Not without good reason, even if they don’t realize just how badly off I was._

That made him think of the therapy session tomorrow, which was going to be… interesting. He wondered what Yosano would say about them sleeping together.

Scratch that. He _knew_ what she was going to say. The only question was the degree of malicious glee she’d let slip.

Ah well. It was worth it.

“Does he think they’re cool?” Chuuya asked, remembering that Dazai had mentioned that Yuu liked Transformers. “How old are they, anyway? I don’t think what I saw was that long ago but I might be wrong.”

He wasn’t going to touch on the ‘worrying about him bit’. It was natural for siblings to worry about each other, especially when one of them was in a dangerous job. Their conversation had been down enough for today, anyway. 

“Extremely. I have a feeling he’s going to sign up to be a mechanic when he’s old enough. The kid has a talent for it.” Dazai went back to playing with Chuuya’s hair as he spoke. “The memory you saw was from a year ago. It was five days before the Mimic fight. Sakura’s nine now. So’s Katsumi. Yuu and Shinji are eleven, and Kousuke’s twelve. Actually, now that I think about it, Yuu’s birthday is the day after tomorrow. Getting to talk to an actual Jaeger mechanic would be a hell of a birthday gift, if you’re up to it. Oda didn’t let the kids on base very much, and never in the actual bays.”

“Sure, if we have time for it.” Chuuya would have shrugged if he hadn’t been laying on Dazai - his schedule was easy enough to manipulate, and they didn’t have too much planned anyway. “You weren’t kidding about those questions then. I wonder if I can dig up a few older blueprints for some of my other plans, if he’s interested, the ones that didn’t fit with where this one is going. Things like that don’t go public, old blueprint or not. If you think he can keep them at least relatively to himself.”

He didn’t even know the kid, but he understood what it was like to want to build Jaegers from the time you were young. If the kid had talent and was interested, it would be worth giving over some of his designs that he didn’t plan on using. Maybe in the future there might be the possibility of having the kid come over - Dazai would appreciate seeing the kids in person again, he had a feeling. The mechanic tucked the idea away for now, planning to pull it out when he knew a bit more about things. 

“Mhm.” The brunette hummed an agreement into red hair. “He knows the drill. The kids may not have grown up on base but they’re still military brats.”

He yawned suddenly. It had been a long day, and between the drift test, the amazing sex, and not sleeping much at all last night, he was exhausted. Besides, Chuuya was a warm and comforting weight on top of him, and he felt like sleep might actually come easily for a change.

Wouldn’t that be something to add to tomorrow’s session?

Chuuya yawned in response to Dazai’s, his own exhaustion from the day catching up to him despite his earlier nap. He lifted his head up just enough to press a kiss to Dazai’s chest before he got comfortable, his eyes drifting shut as the redhead resisted the urge to doze for the moment. 

“I think we should call it a night. We have enough to do tomorrow.” He said, voice soft. “But yeah, I’ll see if I can find some good ones. Maybe he’ll find some way to improve them.”

Dazai’s answer was to wrap his arms around Chuuya, nuzzle his hair briefly, and let his eyes flutter shut. “Goodnight, Chibi,” he breathed. A moment later he was asleep.

“Goodnight, Osamu.” Chuuya murmured, smiling gently as the body beneath him succumbed to sleep. He wasn’t sure if what he felt in that moment really was love, but damn was he wrapped up in it. 

As he drifted into sleep, Chuuya wondered if it was a bad thing that he thought he was lucky to get to be here with someone he might love.


	8. Checking up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after- checkups and more fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more cute and fluffy chapter before we start getting into the fun stuff.

Dazai woke early the next morning. That was nothing new; what _was_ new was the fact that he’d slept a solid six hours without a single dream, as far as he could remember. The reason for that was currently curled up next to him, head pillowed on his shoulder, one arm and leg thrown over top of him. Warmth radiated off the other man, and there was a moment where Dazai wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep and just stay there all day, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. 

Reluctantly, he slowly wormed his way out from under Chuuya. The redhead twitched a bit, but didn’t wake. He took a moment, just watching him.

_Fact six: Chuuya is ethereal when he sleeps._

He padded over to the desk, opening the laptop. More results had popped up overnight, and he scanned them and closed it again, frowning to himself as more pieces clicked into place. He had a feeling he’d be talking to Kouyou at some point soon. There were things in Chuuya’s records that didn’t add up. But, that was for later. For now, breakfast sounded like a plan, and then he might as well get the session with Yosano over with. She usually woke early as well.

Dressing quickly, he scribbled a note and left it where the redhead should find it quickly. He didn’t bother changing his bandages- he knew Yosano would insist he take them off anyway, so it would be a waste.

A quick breakfast of tea and toast later, he made his way to the infirmary. As he suspected, the doctor was in, and she looked up with a smirk.

“So? How did last night go?”

“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, Sensei,” Dazai replied with a grin.

Yosano snorted. “A gentleman wouldn’t. You’re not a gentleman. Spill.”

Dazai looked affronted at that, but grinned. “Hmph. Dinner was fantastic. Dessert was even better, though. And I slept better than I ever have, I think. Six hours, and I didn’t wake up once. Or dream.”

“That’s… impressive. Did he just wear you out, or is there something else?” The doctor’s manner changed from playful to professional as Dazai’s tone registered. He sounded _happy._ Genuinely happy, not the facade he put up sometimes. She hadn’t heard this much real emotion from him since Oda’s death.

“Well, he did, but… Akiko-sensei, I don’t think our drift has broken yet.” He sighed. “After we got back to the locker room yesterday, Chuuya had a major panic attack. Apparently it’s not the first time it’s happened after a drift, so it wasn’t just No Longer Human wearing off. Which it hadn’t, yet- it’s almost like his emotions tunneled through it. It even affected me for a second.”

The brunette stopped for a second, gathering his thoughts, then continued at a wave from Yosano. “I thought the drift broke after that, but last night… last night I _cried,_ Akiko. I was telling him about Oda, and I fucking cried. I’ve _never_ cried. You know that. And it’s not just that. I’ve been feeling so _much._ Sensei- I think, whatever happened during that panic attack, it broke No Longer Human. Or at least, it overwhelmed it to the point where it’s not affecting me anymore. And I think that might be the case as long as we’re drifting.”

“And is this a good thing or a bad thing?” the doctor asked, motioning for Dazai to take off his shirt and bandages as she gathered her equipment for his checkup.

“Good. Definitely good, if a little overwhelming,” Dazai replied as he stripped. “You know one of the reasons I picked Chuuya in the first place was the possibility that something like this would happen eventually. I just didn’t think it’d be this soon. Or this effective. The panic attacks are a problem though. If it were just this time, I’d say it’s the normal reaction to my Ability, but if he’s had them before…”

“Then it’s the drift itself. Yes, I can see where that’s an issue. Alright. I’ll try to find a way to bring them up later.” Yosano snapped on a pair of gloves. “Let’s get this started. You know the drill.”

Mercifully, she didn’t even comment on the bruises on his hips.

*************

Blinking slowly, Chuuya stretched out as he lay on his front. It took him a few minutes before his mind was awake enough to remember the day before, but as soon as he did the redhead flipped over to his back, a wide smile crossing his face as he spread out. Damn, yesterday had been a hell of a day, in a good way. Sure he’d had a panic attack, but it wasn’t the first time and he had a partner now, possibly in more ways than one. It wasn’t an uncommon thing among Jaeger pilots that weren’t family or otherwise taken, and given their age he wondered just how many would be surprised. 

Ane-san had known on sight, after all. 

The redhead sat up and immediately spotted the note resting on top of the comic book on the nightstand. He read it, checked the time, and got up to get dressed; there wasn’t a point in wasting more time. He wasn’t sure how long Dazai would stay at Yosano’s and they both had to talk to her today. Chuuya wasn’t looking forward to that, but at least he wouldn’t be alone. Drift partners usually had a lot of leeway regarding the other unless they asked otherwise. 

Digging through his closet, Chuuya forwent the usual tank top and slacks - he doubted he’d be hitting the garage or bay anytime soon today, so he went for something casual. A short sleeved loose black shirt, black sweatpants, hair just long enough to tie and sweep over his left shoulder. Ready for the day as best he could be, the redhead left the room, phone in hand as he scrolled through the lastest news as he walked. Sure Chuuya didn’t actually care much for it, but there were worse things to spend his time on and sometimes there were interesting bits.

Dazai and Yosano were waiting for him, so the mechanic just grabbed a bottle of water and an apple from the cafeteria, eating it as he continued on his way to the infirmary. Just the thought of the department was enough for a bit of anxiety to coil in his stomach, but it was nothing new, so Chuuya ignored it as best he could until he came across the door to the infirmary and opened it, walking inside and glancing around the room. There weren’t many people here at the moment, mostly personnel having quiet discussions, so he went to one of the ones milling about, asking where Yosano was, as she was expecting him. Given a direction, he thanked them and headed to the room, knocking on the door and waiting until he got a response to open the door.

Dazai looked up as the door opened. He’d just finished rewrapping the last of his bandages and had been about to slip his shirt back on when Chuuya’d arrived. _Timing,_ he thought wryly. 

“Heya Chibi,” he said with a soft smile. “Sleep well?”

“Not bad.” The redhead admitted as he closed the door behind him and leaned on it, his own soft smile on his face. He was glad, since sometimes he had nightmares he couldn’t remember after the drifts, but it seems Dazai’s presence had kept them away this time, now that he thought about it. “How about you? And hello, Doctor.” 

Yosano waved hello as Dazai answered. “Amazingly, actually.” He climbed off the exam table and came over for a kiss. 

“Chibi makes a good blanket. Last night was incredible, and I don’t just mean the sex. I’ve never slept that well, or had my mind be that quiet, and it’s all because of you.” The admission was murmured in his ear, followed by a kiss on his bare neck. 

Chuuya accepted the kiss, one hand landing on Dazai’s hip as the other got close, the other in a pocket. He suppressed a shiver as the other kissed his neck, grip tightening on the other’s hip. 

“I’m glad I could help. How are things going?” The mechanic asked quietly.

“Good. Your timing is impeccable- I was just finishing up. Do you want me to stick around for your turn?” The question was honest- he could feel Chuuya’s nerves over the drift, and he was more than willing to stick close if it helped. It’s not like he hadn’t seen him naked, after all.

“Um.” Chuuya bit his lip, his eyes flickering toward Yosano before they met Dazai’s. He did want Dazai to stay, but would Yosano have an issue with it? The redhead didn’t know much of anything about her, even less about how she conducted her practice. “Yeah, if there's no issue with it.”

Dazai looked at Yosano and quirked an eyebrow. The doctor grinned. “I’m fine with it. You’re partners, so there’s no reason to object.” 

She patted the bed. “Take off your shirt and get up here.”

Chuuya squeezed Dazai’s hip again before he let go and walked past him, doing as the Doctor asked. He set his shirt on a side table, taking a seat on the bed.

“So, Doc, what are you looking for today?” The redhead attempted a grin as he turned his attention more fully to the doctor.

“Just the basics, today. It hasn’t been that long since your last physical, but everyone reacts differently to drifts, and yours went deep. Is there anything you want to tell me?” Yosano pulled on a fresh pair of gloves and picked up a blood pressure cuff, looping it around the redhead’s arm as she talked.

“Nothing really that I can think of, if Dazai mentioned the panic attack that happened. It’s been a long time since I had one that bad though.” Chuuya tried to think if there was anything else worth mentioning, but nothing came to mind besides the drift. “I figure Dazai at least mentioned that our drift is still going. I don’t notice it too often unless something conflicts with what I’m feeling at the time.”

“He did mention both, and your past attacks are in your records. Ghost drifting isn’t completely unheard of, but it usually takes a while before it’s this persistent, and not everyone gets that far. Then again, it’s you two. I’m not at all surprised you’re reacting oddly.” Her hands were gentle as she went through her checks- she’d seen the nerves the instant he walked in the door, and his muscles were still tense. His fear of doctors was also in the records. 

She also didn’t miss the hickeys on his shoulder, or the way his eyes stayed mostly on Dazai as she worked, as if the brunette were a way to steady himself. _They’re both already goners,_ she thought, and bit back a grin. She was happy for them, Dazai especially. He deserved some happiness after the shit life he’d had up until now. The two years he’d spent under Oda’s care had been good for him, but he hadn’t been truly happy, not the way he seemed to be now. 

It didn’t take long to finish her work. “Alright,” she said about fifteen minutes later. “You’re good to go. Just keep me informed if anything else pops up, and I’m always willing to listen if you need someone to talk to, alright? It doesn’t have to be here.”

“Alright.” Chuuya agreed as he hopped off of the table as soon as she was done and reached for his shirt. The entire time he’d focused on Dazai rather than the doctor, letting her do what she needed without interruption. His nerves hadn’t gone away as the check had gone on, but they hadn’t gotten any worse either. Once he’d slipped the shirt back on, he looked back toward her. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Now scoot, you two. Have fun- I know Ranpo’s expecting you after lunch.” She grinned at both of them, making a shooing motion with one hand.

Dazai grinned back, if a bit wryly. “Yes sensei. I’ll see you next week.” He took Chuuya’s hand. “Ready to go, Chibi?”

“Let’s go.” Chuuya sketched a quick bow to the doctor before he led the way out of the room, his anxiety finally draining once they’d left the infirmary behind. “So, what now? We still have some time before anybody’s expecting us.”

“Hmmm. That’s an excellent question.” He walked them through the office, not missing how the tension in Chuuya’s shoulders evaporated the instant they left the room. “We could go back to our room and add to that collection of marks on your shoulder. Maybe put a matching set on the other side. What do you think?”

"Maybe not right now?" Chuuya shook his head the slightest bit as a hint of blush rose to his cheeks. It wasn't that he hadn't liked the night before, but he had no urge, no... inclination to have sex right now. Sure he was a teenage boy and they were supposed to be interested in that sort of thing all the time, but... he wasn't. He'd rather go do something else with the (his? Could he think that?) man, whether it be discussing their Jaegers or just hanging out for a while. 

He had a feeling Dazai wouldn't mind, but there was still a lot he had to learn about the other man. It was one thing to know him from a distance, from what he'd read in the news and online, but now that they were face to face the things he'd never gotten a chance to know stuck out. The redhead already asked Dazai some of his favorite things, learned some of the things that made Dazai Dazai, but mannerisms, idiosyncrasies... They'd learn each other's as they went. 

“Eh, it was a thought. We have about four hours or so until lunch. Wanna head off base and do some of that wandering we talked about yesterday? The weather’s supposed to be nice- we could go for a walk, just see what’s out there?” Dazai took Chuuya’s hand, enjoying the warmth as he curled long fingers into callused ones.

“Sure.” Chuuya smiled, his own fingers curling as Dazai took his hand. That sounded like a date, and very appealing. “We could see about finding an arcade too, if you want.”

“That could be fun. As long as I'm spending time with Chuuya.” Dazai said, teasing the shorter man. Making Chuuya blush was quickly becoming a favorite activity of his. He couldn’t help it- the chibi was just so cute when he was embarrassed.

“You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you?” Chuuya asked somewhat accusingly as his blush increased, his face turning away although he didn’t let go of the other’s hand. Maybe the two of them could grab lunch while they were out. Ranpo-san hadn’t given them a specific time after all. 

“Only partly,” the brunette admitted. “It’s not a lie. But you are cute as fuck when you blush, so I’m not going to stop unless you really want me to.” He grinned. “Do you want me to stop, Chuuya?”

“You don’t have to.” The redhead told him, pressing his side against Dazai’s side for a moment as they walked although he didn’t turn his head back. “I’ll just have to figure out how to get you to do it too.”

“I look forward to it,” Dazai said. He bent slightly and kissed the top of Chuuya’s head. “Let’s go back to our room and grab our coats. I want to see the city with my Chuuya.”

“A-alright.” Chuuya stuttered, his face on fire. Sure he’d thought about calling Dazai his, but having it done to himself was unexpected. He guessed he should have expected that though. “I want to see the city with my Dazai too.” The redhead said once he was certain it would come out without wavering.

_My Dazai. My Osamu would sound even better, but I don’t think we’re there quite yet. Not in public, anyway._ He didn’t respond right away, but the satisfaction and sense of _rightness_ that rose in him was something he’d never felt before, and he was almost certain it wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. The brunette wondered if Chuuya could feel it over their drift.

He stopped walking, pulling on their linked hands to swing Chuuya around so they were face to face. “I like it when you say that. I like it a lot, Chuuya.”

Dazai bent, his free hand going to one flaming cheek; he cupped it and drew the shorter man’s eyes to meet his. Just before drawing him in for a kiss, he said “Never stop, okay?”

Chuuya leaned into the kiss, as chaste as it was. He was still blushing when he pulled away, his own free hand making its way to Dazai’s cheek. He’d felt the other’s satisfaction before the brunette had stopped them, a steady presence against the constant mess of his own feelings, and he’d resolved to use the phrase more often. 

“Okay, my Dazai.” He murmured quietly as he pulled away, tugging lightly on Dazai’s hand so they could keep moving before somebody stumbled across them. They hadn’t gotten far away from the infirmary after all.

Dazai followed Chuuya gladly. He was quickly realizing he would probably follow him anywhere. As long as they were together, he didn’t care.

_Oda, you wanted me to live. I still miss you, but thank you. I think, now, I can finally start._


	9. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to admit right off the bat that we're spitballing a lot of the numbers/info/effects here. There is almost /no/ canon info on the actual science behind the drift.- Irela

“I still can’t believe you dragged me into _karaoke._ You didn’t tell me you could sing like that, Chuuya!” Dazai was stuck somewhere between grousing and laughing as they walked out of the garage. It had been an amazing morning, even with having been very much shown up at karaoke. They’d finished it with lunch at a little izakaya near the base which had turned out to have a spectacular crab dish he’d devoured, which had surprised both of them. Then again, they _had_ been walking for hours. Even he got hungry after that much of a workout.

“You’ve known me less than two days, Dazai. There’s plenty yet to learn.” Chuuya grinned as he remembered it. The look on Dazai’s face had been priceless. “You weren’t horrible though. Tachihara and his brunette partner are worse. You’ll see them around on base, but if they’re drinking, run. They get _loud,_ and can’t sing at all.”

“Thank you for the warning. I’ll pass it around,” Dazai said, completely seriously. “Although if Yosano finds out you can sing, expect to get invited out. A lot. She _loves_ karaoke.” 

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it out, curious. A text notification lit up the screen, and he huffed a short laugh. “Looks like Ranpo is ready for us. He’s in a conference room near ops.”

“It won’t take long to get there. Good to know though, about sensei. Is she any good?” The redhead was still grinning at the thought. He’d never had too much chance to go into town, let alone with people even roughly his age. Anybody on base as young as him were all pilots and pretty busy with keeping up their training. Adding to that the possibility of a Kaiju attack at any time, and there were good reasons to not leave very often. 

Now that he thought about it, Chuuya was going to have to change his schedule a bit. He would have to add jaeger training to it, although not much else would change off the top of his head. The mechanic already worked out and did his own training. What did Dazai do?

“She’s better than I am, but not as good as you, I think. It’s been a while since she’s managed to drag me out with her. Usually it’s Ranpo. He’s alright with a mic. Just don’t ever let Fukuzawa near one.” He grimaced as he remembered the one time he’d come along. It had been… almost painful to listen to.

They continued talking as they walked. It was about ten minutes later when they reached the conference room. Ranpo was inside, as were a few people he didn’t recognize. One of them was an odd-looking fellow with goggles who was gesturing excitedly at something he and Ranpo were looking at. “Hey Ranpo,” he said, as soon as there was lull.

“Hey Dazai, Chuuya,” the raven said, waving them in. “Did you two have a good morning?”

“Better than most.” Chuuya greeted the raven as he came in and answered his question. “How are you and Kajii-sensei doing?” 

The scientist had been pretty enthused when the two of them had come by, but that was nothing new. Kajii was always loud and work-centric, but the redhead was an interesting guy who Chuuya had seen about. The two of them didn’t hang out really, but he’d gone to the man for advice occasionally when he’d had issues with science related things. 

“Oh, not badly. Kajii is very… enthusiastic. It’s going to take some time to get our staffs integrated, but that’s not really surprising. Anyway, take a seat. You guys have been on your feet enough today.” He nodded at one of the staff, and they handed the two packets of papers.

“Alright,” the raven said as everyone settled and went silent, “the first thing you should know is that you both tend to have very odd numbers when you drift. I’m sure you’re aware of that fact individually.” The pair nodded, and he continued. “What you may not know is that your deviations are almost precisely diametrically opposed. In essence, the parts of your brains that dominate in the drift, specifically those that control your emotions, run at almost 180° from each other.”

Dazai frowned. He’d suspected something like that. “So you’re saying, what, we’re perfectly matched?”

Ranpo nodded. “It could have gone one of two ways. Either your minds would completely reject each other, which would have led to the drift collapsing before it could fully form, or you get what actually happened. A near-instantaneous drift and a meld so deep that your readings were almost indistinguishable from each other. Usually even in the closest drifts there’s at best a 85 or 90% match in brainwave patterns. You and Oda were usually at the top of that scale, Dazai; on average the two of you hit around 88%. Most pairings don’t go above 80% at the best of times.” 

“Is that something you could have predicted beforehand?” Chuuya asked with a bit of a frown, leaning back in his seat with his eyes on the raven. If they’d known the deviations ahead of time, given the records of their previous drifts, wouldn’t it have made sense? “If our deviations are… regular, for lack of a better word, I’m kind of surprised we weren’t theoretically paired together earlier.”

Kajii and Ranpo looked at each other. “If we could predict it that well,” Ranpo answered, “we’d never have to actually test pilots. To be brutally honest, most of your past drift attempts ended too quickly to give truly reliable data. The same problem applies to Dazai. Most of what we have on him is from his drifts with Oda, and Oda… well, he was an anomaly all on his own. He really didn’t _have_ much in the way of deviations, so No Longer Human didn’t really affect him all that much.”

Kajii picked up the thread, waving his hands enthusiastically in the air as he spoke. “The thing that really got us, Chuuya-kun, wasn’t that you two were perfectly matched. That had already been speculated on, and was part of the reason we agreed when Dazai picked you to test with. What really sets you two apart is that your synch rate hit 96% within the first thirty seconds of your drift. It’s possible you could have hit 100%, which has _never_ been done in the history of the program, except for the fact that there’s something holding you back on both sides. We think it’s a combination of No Longer Human and lingering trauma from Oda’s death in Dazai’s case. But in yours….”

“In yours, it’s like there’s a wall blocking off part of your psyche,” Ranpo said, his sober tone contrasting with Kajii’s excitement. “We have no idea why it’s there, but it reacted in the very beginning of the drift. I think whatever’s behind it is the reason you’ve been having so much trouble finding a drift partner. And the reason for your panic attacks afterward.”

“Fair enough.” Chuuya admitted, regarding the predictions. Their synch had been incredible, but at the time he hadn’t had the numbers to go with it. They knew it had been good, but 96%? He hadn’t expected it to be quite that high. 

The wall, though, he had no idea about. Anatomy and psychology weren’t something he’d ever really looked into. It would make sense that it’d affect the drift though, even if he had no idea why it was there. “Why would there be a wall, though? We never really got a specific diagnosis for the panic attacks since they never really popped up anywhere else and I didn’t drift that often.” Even as Chuuya spoke, though, he remembered that there had been other times he’d panicked, seemingly with no real cause. It’d been so long since those times that he’d never really thought about them. 

Dazai had been looking over the papers as the scientists explained the numbers. “A 96% synch rate would explain why we’re still ghost drifting a day later,” he mused. “That’s probably just going to get stronger, and last longer, every time we drift together. Not that I mind, really.” 

He looked at Chuuya. “I felt it, by the way. Whatever’s in your head. When you were having that panic attack- something felt… wrong. I didn’t bring it up at the time because I was fairly certain you didn’t even know it was there, and you weren’t really in any shape to deal with the idea. And we kind of got distracted afterward. But it’s what I’ve been researching for the past day, and the closest I’ve been able to come is a fear response brought on by some sort of trauma. Which makes sense, given that from what I can see here,” he added, gesturing at the papers, “the oddities are centered in your amygdala, which is where fear and trauma-related memories are stored. It also controls the fight-or-flight reflex, which is probably why your panic attacks only happen at certain points. Something about the act of drifting is triggering that response, and the cause is so locked down you don’t even know it’s there.”

“So you’re saying I have some sort of trauma.” Chuuya wasn’t happy with where this was leading, but there wasn’t anything he could really say against it. But why would he have any? “I don’t see why I would.”

The clues were there, though. That and the coil of apprehension in his gut told him there was some modicum of truth to the matter. Why else would he so dislike certain things? 

“I am,” Dazai said quietly, taking Chuuya’s hand. “It must have happened when you were young, before Kouyou took you in. According to your records, you were six when Sorrow manifested. You were seven when you were taken under her care. But for that year, your records are blank. No school records, no family mentions, nothing. Whatever happened to you, it was during that year.”

Chuuya squeezed Dazai’s hand once before he got up, going behind their chairs to pace. He thought better when he was moving and it was hard to ignore the feelings that wanted him to drop the subject. Who had made the records? Who had had him during that period? Nothing came to mind, but he didn’t really have any memories of before Ane-san took him in. It hadn’t seemed too odd and he hadn’t really worried about it too much. She’d been good to him the entire time he’d been under her care, even if she’d never told him how she had gotten him. 

The apprehension in his stomach got stronger as he thought through it. Who could erase records, or get around getting them in the first place? The way Dazai worded that told him that there were records before that year, but… was there a possibility they weren’t right? Or were modified in some way?

“Chuuya,” Dazai said, his voice serious. “Whatever this is, whatever happened to you, it doesn’t change who you are now. You’re still Chuuya, still my partner, still the best damn Jaeger mechanic in the fleet- and trust me, I’ve met a lot of them, you are-,” and for this he rose as well, walking over to Chuuya and whispering in his ear, “and you’re still the person I am very quickly falling in love with.”

“But…” Chuuya said helplessly, his head falling onto Dazai’s shoulder as he stopped in place. Just what was he missing? What were those years that he couldn’t remember hiding? Why was this affecting him so much? He was 17 now, these memories would have been a decade ago. If this really was trauma, why were they only realizing it now?

He had so many questions and no answers. 

Dazai wrapped his arms around Chuuya, holding him, letting him work through his thoughts. He could feel the other’s confusion and distress radiating off him. “Hey, shhh, we’ll get through this. Together, okay?”

Ranpo nodded. “Dazai’s amazing at finding information. Even I don’t know how he gets some of the stuff he does. But we will figure this out.”

Chuuya fisted his hands into Dazai’s shirt for a moment, letting the words flow over him, before he took a deep breath and let go, pressing a light kiss to Dazai’s neck in thanks as his hands went to the other’s waist. With a second deep breath, he forcibly centered himself, shoving down the emotions that had been threatening to overtake him. They would figure this out and whatever happened, would happen. They’d deal with it. 

“Okay.” The redhead straightened, locking his gaze onto Ranpo. “What else is there?”

The apprehension and fear and everything were still there, but he’d deal with them later. Ranpo still had information for them probably. They’d barely started discussing things before they’d dropped that bombshell.

“Until we figure out what this is, not much. Normally in a case like this, we’d recommend that you step back from piloting until we know exactly what the problem is and have a treatment protocol in place. However,” and he looked at both of them, “we know how important this is to you, and it’s not like you’ll be actively piloting until _Soukoku’s_ finished anyway. So, for now, we’ll leave it up to you. Do what you’re comfortable with.”

His eyes opened fully, and a piercing green gaze focused on Chuuya. “In the meantime, take care of yourself. And Dazai. You’re already good for each other. Don’t worry too much about what you feel- it’s real, for both of you. And I’m happy for you.”

“Okay. Thank you for taking the time to look into this and… everything. Is there anything else?” Chuuya took Ranpo’s words and filed most of them away for him to work through. He didn’t really know what else to do now - what response was there to what he had learned? His thumbs stroked over Dazai’s side, a very unsatisfying way to settle the urge to move. 

Kajii and Ranpo both shook their heads. “No,” the raven said. “Go ahead, get out of here.”

“Arigato, Ranpo, Kajii,” Dazai said. “I’ll keep you informed if I find anything relevant.” 

The brunette turned to Chuuya, bringing a hand up to stroke his cheek. He could tell the other needed to move, to work off the shock. “Let’s go, Chibi.” 

The redhead gave the appropriate farewells somewhat distractedly before he left the conference room with the brunette. If Dazai didn’t mind, then Chuuya was going to the training room to burn off some of his restlessness. He could use some training anyway, since he hadn’t done any the last few days. 

“I’m going to go to the training room, if you want to come.” Chuuya told Dazai as he started walking down the hall, his hand holding onto the other’s, although the grip was light enough the brunette could get out if he wanted. 

“A chance to see that body of yours in action? I wouldn’t miss it,” Dazai said, a teasing lilt in his voice. “It works out, anyway. I wanted to check in with Fukuzawa on something, and he’ll probably be there. Maybe you guys can set up that sparring match later.”

“I’ll have to see if Ane-san and he set anything up, as well. I haven’t heard of anything from her since yesterday.” Chuuya relaxed the slightest bit at the return to normalcy, although his restlessness remained. He knew from experience that it would until he could burn it out, just like the feelings still coiled in his gut. The redhead didn’t like these feelings, the ones that as a whole seemed to tell him to drop the subject, that he shouldn’t want or need to know. 

Dazai squeezed his hand reassuringly. He had an idea of what was going through the other’s head, and knew the other probably wouldn’t be much in the mood for talking until he had worked through some of the restlessness. That was alright, though. He was more than content to sit and watch, maybe talk to Fukuzawa, and let his brain kick into overdrive and start putting together the pieces he’d already found. It wasn’t a complete picture, but it’d only been a day. He was getting there.

He was distracted enough that he didn’t notice the sound of clashing swords until Chuuya stopped walking. It was coming from the practice room just ahead, and the two of them looked at each other, then headed for the doorway. Inside was a sight neither of them had expected, although they probably should have, now that Dazai thought about it.

Kouyou and Fukuzawa were sparring.

And it was _mesmerizing._

No padding, live blades from the look of it, the only safety precaution a grinning Yosano leaning against the wall… and not a mark on either of them, although both Fukuzawa’s _haori_ and Kouyou’s kimono bore slices and rips from too-close strikes. The brunette took that much in without trying. The rest- he could barely keep up with the flashing blades, especially when Kouyou activated Golden Demon and Fukuzawa was suddenly defending against two opponents… He heard a gasp from beside him, and tore his gaze away just long enough to look at Chuuya. The redhead’s eyes were wide, his restlessness almost forgotten as he watched his mentor battle. Dazai found himself torn between watching the match and watching Chuuya react.

That. Was. _Awesome_. Sure Chuuya had seen Ane-san spar before, but never like this. Nobody had challenged her quite so much as Fukuzawa-sensei was doing, and he was not only holding his own against her, but Golden Demon too!

It nearly made him forget temporarily about his mess of feelings, buried under the sudden awe and pride he felt. This man was going to be teaching them? Briefly, Chuuya wondered about learning the way of the sword, before remembering that it just didn't give him the same satisfaction. 

Dimly, he felt his partner’s mesmerization at the fight and gave a small, lopsided smile, turning to meet his gaze. The redhead stayed where he was, hand in Dazai’s, until the end of the match.

“Told you he was good,” Dazai murmured, once the match had ended. “He’s held something like six separate world titles in both the sword and martial arts. They called him the Silver Wolf. I think he was even on a couple of Olympics teams when he was younger. Of course, it’s been a while since he’s competed. Not a lot of time for that when you’re running a Jaeger base. But, every once in a while, when things were slow and he was in a mood to talk, he’d tell us stories. And he still displays the trophies in his quarters.”

He drew Chuuya forward, bowing slightly to both contestants. “Kouyou-san, that was incredible. Fukuzawa-san, I am glad to see you finally found an opponent that can challenge you. I know it’s been some time since the last one.”

“Indeed. It was quite the match. Was there something you wanted? Finding you in the training rooms when you’re not scheduled to be here is unusual at best.” The older man didn’t even sound winded. 

Dazai nodded. “Chuuya wanted to come up and work off some excess energy, so I accompanied him. I am glad to run into you, though. I was hoping I could ask your advice on something, sir.”

“Ah? Alright, then. Come to my office in a few moments.” Fukuzawa bowed to Kouyou. “A fine match, Ozaki-san. I look forward to our next one.”

She returned the bow. “As do I.” Fukuzawa nodded, then turned and left the room, headed for the lockers.

Dazai turned to Chuuya, squeezing his hand. “I’ll catch up with you after I talk to Fukuzawa, okay?”

Chuuya gave his own greeting to the two, concentrating more on not bouncing on his feet or something equally ridiculous as the group spoke until he was addressed directly. If he missed anything, Ane-san or Dazai could let him know. 

“Okay. I’ll be in here somewhere.” The redhead squeezed his hand too before he let go, turning toward Ane-san. The training rooms were huge, unsurprising for a military installation. This was one of the more empty rooms, meant more for bouts and demonstrations than most of the workouts the base personnel or pilots did, but it also had the most hand-to-hand equipment, including the dummies Chuuya had been heading for. 

“What did you think of your match, Ane-san?” The redhead asked out of curiosity. He’d heard once that the way somebody fought could tell you a lot about them and he’d found that to be true himself on occasion. The man seemed pretty stoic, but fair, from what the redhead had seen so far. What had she learned about him?

“Fukuzawa-san is quite formidable,” she answered. “I’ve never had the honor of sparring with him before, but I’ve met some of his past students and teammates. His reputation is well-earned- Golden Demon didn’t even phase him. If he’s as good at martial arts as he is with a sword, your match with him will be interesting, I think. That’s scheduled for the day after tomorrow, by the way.” There was admiration in her voice, and just a hint of teasing as she spoke again. 

“I’m actually slightly surprised you’re here. I would have thought Dazai would be keeping you busy enough to take care of any… excess energy.” She grinned at him, looking pointedly at the bruise that showed above the collar of his shirt.

“He offered, but… I don’t really want to right now?” The redhead shrugged a bit, a slight blush on his cheeks at the thought of discussing this in public. “And we just left meeting Ranpo-san and Kajii-sensei.” Chuuya grimaced slightly at the thought of what they had come up with in the conference room. He really didn’t want to think of it right now, but if they hadn’t told her, he should. Technically, as he was sort of still a minor, he wouldn’t have been surprised if they had told her that there was at least something that needed discussion.

“Have they told you anything, since yesterday, out of the ordinary?”

“No. I haven’t really had a chance to meet with either of them. This is the first time I’ve had a moment to myself all day, and even so I have to be back for a meeting in twenty minutes. Getting everyone settled is taking more effort than any of us thought.”

She looked at him, concerned. “Is there something I should know?”

“It can wait.” Chuuya shook his head. She was always incredibly busy and he didn’t want to take away what little time she had to get ready. “Can we talk though, later? I know you’ll be busy most of the day, but when you have maybe more than a few minutes.”

It could wait a while - nothing was going to change between now and later tonight, or even the next few days probably. 

“Um.” Kouyou thought over her schedule for a moment. The rest of today and tomorrow were packed- the rest of the base personnel and _Soukoku_ were due to arrive tomorrow morning, and she’d be busy overseeing everything…

“Day after tomorrow, after your match,” she said finally. “I was planning on inviting you and Dazai for tea soon anyway. Does that suit?”

“That’s fine. Just let us know when you would like us by. I’ll let Dazai know.” Chuuya had hoped she would have more time soon, but her position was a busy one and it was lucky she had as much time as she did sometimes. “I’ll let you leave now to prepare for your meeting. Thanks, Ane-san.”

He gave her the best smile he could summon up. It was possible between now and then, during her rounds of the science division, that Ranpo-san or Kajii-sensei might bring it up, even in passing, but he’d have to see. In the mean-time…

“Alright, little brother. Enjoy your workout.” She gave him a small hug, mindful of the katana she still carried, then turned and headed for the women’s lockers.

“Good luck at your meeting.” He told her before she disappeared, making his way to the back of the room where his usual equipment waited. Sure other people used the room, but most people tended to put things back where they got it, or at least nearby. 

Now that nobody else was in the room, Chuuya let himself get into the rhythm once he’d gotten everything set up, starting slow to warm up his muscles since he hadn’t stretched. Usually he didn’t train in sweatpants, but at least they weren’t jeans. The redhead kept going, burning out the restlessness and everything that he’d started feeling during the meeting. Focusing on the moves, his balance, his form, and letting everything pass through the back of his mind, settling into place, Chuuya wasn’t sure how long he was there for. Once he stepped away, breathing heavily, he felt much better than he had beforehand. 

Everything he learned today was out of his control. All he could do was respond to it and go from there. The past couldn’t be changed, but that didn’t mean his future was set in stone.

“Your workout really is impressive. Do you always train for an hour and half at a time?” Dazai asked from his seat in the corner. His meeting with Fukuzawa had been short but productive, as most meetings with the man were, and he’d gotten both good advice on helping Chuuya and an idea where to look next. After all, the Silver Wolf had been much more than a swordmaster, once upon a time.

“Depends on what I’m trying to do.” Chuuya shrugged as he answered, turning to face the brunette. When exactly Dazai had come into the room he wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t surprised. 

“Did you get what you needed from Fukuzawa-sensei?” Given that the man was now essentially Chuuya’s teacher that seemed the best honorific to go with. It was good that Ane-san seemed pleased with him, if the admiration that had been in her tone was any indication. Chuuya briefly wondered what his teaching style would be like, but they’d get to that. 

Dazai smiled at the honorific. If this workout were any indication, he and Fukuzawa would get along splendidly. “I did. Why don’t we head back to the room so you can shower and change, then maybe we can spend the rest of the time before dinner going over Jaeger schematics? Yours or mine, your choice.”

“Sure. Let’s go over _Soukoku_. You’ve seen mine already and if we’re going to be piloting Soukoku I’d like to see what we’ll be working with.” Chuuya, happy that the subject from earlier was getting dropped, that they would instead get to talk about their Jaegers, and pleased from the workout, grinned at Dazai. He walked over to where they kept the stuff to clean off the equipment and quickly took care of what he’d used, putting it back in its usual spot before heading over to where the brunette sat. 

“Alright. And tomorrow you get to see her for real.” Dazai unfolded himself from his position on the floor. He’d been sitting there for about an hour, content to watch Chuuya as his mind pieced together information and formed hypotheses, mostly on autopilot. It was a familiar thing for him in an unfamiliar place, and one he’d needed after the hectic pace of the past two days. The process was always the same- only the scenery in front of him changed. That was okay, though; he’d rather enjoyed the view.

“That reminds me. The transport is coming in stupidly early tomorrow, so we probably shouldn’t be up too late if we want to watch her arrive.”

“Hell yes.” Chuuya said to both, still grinning. Like he’d ever turn down a chance to see a Jaeger come in, let alone one he was going to _pilot_. He didn’t know if Dazai was bringing this up because he just thought about it now or as a way to give him some ‘good news’. Either way, it worked for Chuuya. “Is it just her tomorrow or are there others? I don’t think I heard just how many were coming over from your base.”

“Just her. Once they decided to close the base, they halted production of anything else there. _Flawless_ had been our only operational Jaeger- I think I mentioned that. Fukuzawa pulled some strings to get _Soukoku_ started, though. And there was only one other trained pilot there, anyway. You’ll meet him tomorrow too. And a couple of the trainees- pretty much everyone else got reassigned elsewhere.”

He stretched, limbs slightly cramped after sitting so long in one position, then reached out to cup Chuuya’s cheek, glad the other was in a better mood. He kissed him lightly, then straightened and smiled. “Alright. Let’s head out.”


	10. The gang arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soukoku arrives, and so do the rest of the trainees. And a little more of Dazai's history comes to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// mentions of past suicide attempts, medical trauma, mental health issues

Dazai’d almost forgotten just how loud the transport helicopters were. The sound reached them long before the helicopters themselves actually came into view.

He and Chuuya were sitting outside the bay that was going to be _Soukoku’s_ new home, holding hands in the pre-dawn light as they waited for their Jaeger to arrive.

_Their_ Jaeger. In the space of 48 hours, it had gone from his project, something born of boredom and far too much time on his hands, to a stark reality.

He was going to pilot again. And the thought was equally exhilarating and terrifying at once.

Inside, most of the base’s personnel had gathered in the bays. Support technicians and engineers scurried about, making last-minute preparations and checks. Ranpo headed that effort, giving orders to clear the bay just as the sound from outside reached them.

Outside, the helicopters came into view, the lead two flying in tandem, a long, lean Jaeger slung between them. The black shape looked like a shadow, details dim in the still-grey skies.

And then, as they watched, the sun crested the horizon. The first rays of light hit _Soukoku’s_ hull, and the Jaeger _gleamed,_ the light fracturing and reflecting around the giant mecha as it seemed to inch closer to them.

Chuuya, who’d watched every time a Jaeger had been flown to and from the base, felt his throat close as _their_ Jaeger came into sight. He’d been expecting it, had seen the blueprints and gone over them, but seeing the black beauty right there and knowing that it was his and his partner’s, that this was all true and not just some incredibly odd and lifelike fever dream… 

The redhead squeezed Dazai’s hand, grinning. 

It felt like it took longer than it did. It always did, whether Dazai was in the Jaeger or just watching it be moved. Soon enough, though, the helicopters were above them, lowering _Soukoku_ into the bay, and Dazai flashed Chuuya a matching grin, pulling on his hand to lead him inside. “Come on,” he said. “I want to introduce you to your new ride.”

As they hurried inside, Dazai caught sight of the other helicopter as it veered toward the landing pad on the roof. _Good. The others are here too. I can’t wait for Chuuya to meet them all. I wonder how he’ll react when he realizes Kyouka’s Ability is nearly identical to Kouyou’s?_

Chuuya followed willingly as the other directed him inside - why wouldn’t he? He was getting to meet _Soukoku_ for the first time, with Dazai at his side. The grin wouldn’t leave his face even if he tried to wipe it off, so he didn’t bother although he knew he was grinning like an idiot as the two headed into the base. Usually he saw Jaegers come in and if he was asked to, he checked them over, doing any necessary work etc, then left. This time, though, he wanted to _see_ it, to talk with his partner and understand why and how certain things were done, things the blueprints didn’t show. There was always so much more to the Jaegers than people saw.

It only took a few moments before the two of them were standing at _Soukoku’s_ base, looking up at her, Dazai with the sense of awe he always felt when seeing her in person. It was sharper this time- he hadn’t actually been paying much attention to the last week or so of construction on her, choosing instead to concentrate on getting ready to leave the base and selecting a new partner. He walked up to her foot, heedless of the tech who tried to yell at him until Ranpo told him to back off, and brushed one hand against the massive bulk of it in an almost-caress. He turned back to Chuuya, waving him over. “Go on, Chibi,” he called. “I know you can fly. Go on up and take a look, tell me what you think.”

Chuuya, still grinning, took off and up, carefully avoiding hitting anything as he went. It was still incomplete in a few places, but the patch jobs done for the transport had held up well. For a moment, the redhead wondered who had done them - he wanted the same person to do them in the future if the need called for it. Taking his time, Chuuya went over each part of the machine, checking everything he remembered from the blueprints. Most of it was pretty good work, although there was a spot or two he wanted to go over later with a more fine-toothed comb, if Dazai didn’t mind (not the Chuuya thought he would.) It was some time later when he eventually settled back to the floor by Dazai. 

“She looks pretty good.” The redhead told his partner. “I’ll probably spend a day or two in here just to double check all the wiring and some of the pieces. I didn’t see anything that seemed like it’d be too much of a problem, but I want to be certain.”

“I expect no less of you, Chibi,” he said with a smile. “The design changes are all but done as well, so if you want to start incorporating them go ahead. There should be shipments coming soon with the last of the parts.” 

A voice caught his attention from the walkway above him, and his smile morphed into a grin as he saw the group above him. One of them, a platinum-haired boy, vaulted the railing and landed next to him, catching the brunette up in a crushing hug. “Dazai!” he said, excitement in his voice. “Hi! We missed you!”

“Oof. Atsushi, calm down, I’m going to need those ribs,” Dazai said with a slight chuckle. The others joined them, taking the ladder. There were six, all told, including Atsushi, and he realized with a start he’d actually missed all of them as well. He wrapped one arm around the boy, giving him a short hug, before releasing him and starting introductions. 

“Guys, this is Nakahara Chuuya,” he said when they’d all gathered. “He’s my new partner. Chuuya, this is Nakajima Atsushi, Kunikida Doppo, Tanizaki Junichiro, Tanizaki Naomi- they’re brother and sister, Miyazawa Kenji, and Izumi Kyouka. Kunikida’s a pilot, the rest are trainees, except for Naomi.”

There was a round of greetings as they were introduced. By the time they were completed, Fukuzawa and Kouyou, who had been watching the Jaeger’s arrival from a higher level, had joined them. “This is Ozaki Kouyou,” Dazai added, gesturing at the tall redhead. “Kyouka-chan, I know you’ve been wanting to meet her. Kouyou-san, do you know where everyone’s getting quartered yet? I wanted to take them all out for breakfast. We kind of skipped it this morning, and I know Atsushi and Chuuya are probably starving.” 

“I do. I’ll send you the list once I get back to my office. Kyouka-chan, feel free to come by my office anytime today- I should be there until dinner. Dazai or Chuuya can show you the way. It was a pleasure meeting you all. Enjoy your breakfast.” With that, she nodded and turned to leave. Kouyou was aware of why Kyouka was keen on meeting her- she and Fukuzawa had discussed the children before their match the previous day.

Fukuzawa graced the lot with a rare smile, going so far as to ruffle Kyouka and Kenji’s hair. “It’s good to see you all again,” he said. “I may not be your commander now, but my door is always open if you need me. Chuuya-kun,” he added, looking at the redhead, “I presume Ozaki told you our sparring match is scheduled tomorrow?”

“Yes, Fukuzawa-sensei.” Chuuya told the man, glancing at the man. “I look forward to it.”

Everybody from the other base was nice enough, if a bit odd. Not that some people here had any right to judge. The redhead had come across Kajii-sensei doing some questionable experiments more than once, after all. A robot-obsessed tech had caused issues more than once too though at least those Chuuya could usually fix. Others who got a bit too deep into whatever they were working on... Did working on or with Jaegers just drive some people nuts?

“As do I,” Fukuzawa said. He turned to leave as well, then paused. “Kunikida.”

“Yes sir?” The blond all but snapped to attention as the older man spoke.

“You’ll be my assistant until we find you a partner. Report to my office first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Yes sir.”

Fukuzawa nodded, then continued on his way.

Dazai turned to the group. “Come on guys,” he said. “There’s a diner near here that’s open 24 hours. My treat.” A general murmur of assent rose at that, and he put one arm around Atsushi’s shoulders, the other around Chuuya and grinned. “I’m curious to see which of the two of you eats more,” he said.

“Is that a challenge? Nakajima-kun,” The redhead looked around Dazai to the other, a slow grin crossing his face. “do you accept?”

It wasn’t really that Chuuya usually ate a lot, at least in the redhead’s opinion, but his ability took a lot of energy and he used it in the garage fairly often. What was Nakajima-kun’s like? Was it as energy intensive as his? Then again, the boy (he was only what, 13?) looked skinny enough it might be a metabolism thing or something like that. 

Atsushi grinned back. “Well, we’ve been flying for hours, and I ran out of snacks about halfway through, so I’m starving. Sure, I’ll take you up on that. It’s been a while since I’ve been out to a restaurant, at least a buffet. Most of them don’t like it when I show up.”

“I won’t be at my best since I haven’t used my ability too much today or yesterday, but we’ll see what happens.” This was going to be fun, Chuuya thought as the group started heading out. They’d take the train; given their numbers and lack of need for a vehicle it made more sense. 

As conversation started around him, the redhead grinned, satisfied.

************************

“So what is your Ability, Nakahara-san?” Atushi asked. They’d had to spread out over multiple booths, and he was sharing one with Dazai and Chuuya. His side of the table was littered with plates- Dazai hadn’t even batted an eye when he’d ordered three of the largest breakfast entrees right off the bat.

“ _For the Tainted Sorrow._ ” Chuuya started, picking up his tea for a sip before he continued. “Basically I can affect the gravity of myself and anything around me.” 

The redhead picked up the spoon he’d used to stir his tea and negated its gravity for a moment, letting it hover in the air, before he slowly increased its gravity back to normal so it softly dropped to the table. “It comes in handy in the garage and everything. What about you, Nakajima-kun?”

“Atsushi’s fine. And Beast Beneath the Moonlight.” He let his eyes change to a startling yellow. “I’m a weretiger. I’ve only really started to learn how to use it recently, though. I couldn’t control the transformations until Fukuzawa took me in. It… got me in a lot of trouble, before.”

“Abilities do that sometimes, when they’re powerful and we’re young. I’ve heard that they just want to protect us though, and that’s the only way they know how. You’ve come this far. You’ll get the rest of the way.” Chuuya tried encouraging the boy. His own ability was powerful and he knew how it felt when it escaped his grasp sometimes. All you could do was learn from it.

“Chuuya’s fine too, by the way. Most people call me that instead of ‘Nakahara’.”

Dazai nodded. “The tiger had a lot of protecting to do. I told you we found him while we were looking at orphanages, right? Apparently, the idiot running that one was a sadist with a vendetta against Ability users, and he took it out on Atsushi.”

The tiger frowned at the reminder. His eyes had flipped back to their normal gold and purple. “Dazai and Fukuzawa rescued me. They started teaching me how to control the tiger and the stuff that goes with it. It’s pretty cool, now that I can use it properly, but the downside is I’m pretty much constantly hungry. That’s why the tiger would go out of control at times- it was looking for food, usually.”

“Good. And I’m not surprised - it was doing its best. At least you figured it out and are working on it. Does it have passive effects? Is that why you’re still hungry despite not actively using it?” Chuuya questioned, intrigued now. How had they figured out that it was the tiger making him hungry and not just an effect of his life? Had Dazai nullified the tiger for a while so they could test it? As a young boy, Chuuya wouldn’t be surprised if Atsushi was always hungry just to grow, let alone power an ability constantly. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to of course. I’m just curious.”

“No, it’s fine. It does- I’m stronger than most people, even before I transform, and my senses are heightened. And I can heal almost anything except burns pretty much instantly. In tiger form, well…” Atsushi smiled. “I’m super fast, super strong, I have claws, and I can see for kilometers. It takes a ton of energy, though, especially if I have to heal. Yosano-sensei thinks the appetite is because the tiger never really sleeps. It’s always there, under my skin, which is why I can transform pretty much instantly.”

Chuuya knew the feeling of that, of your ability constantly there just underneath your skin and telling you things, whispering to you sometimes unintelligibly. Usually his was a constant hum, only stopping when Dazai touched him. It hadn’t really bothered him; he’d barely noticed the change. When something is such a constant source of white noise, is the silence really so different?

It was a little jarring if they kept letting go and reconnecting though.

“That would make sense. Plus you’re young, you’re still growing, and teenage boys are known for eating one out of house and home anyway. You shouldn’t have a problem getting food on base. If somebody gives you an issue, let one of us know, alright?” 

Atsushi nodded, swallowing the mouthful of eggs he’d taken before answering. “Okay. Thank you, Chuuya.”

Dazai nodded. “In terms of sheer scope, you and Atsushi are probably the two most powerful Ability users I’ve ever met. Translating Atsushi’s Ability into a Jaeger will be interesting, but it’s the original reason I designed _Soukoku_ to look and move the way she does.”

“I can understand that. Putting it into a Jaeger is going to be interesting. If the power drain is pretty significant on a regular basis, channeling it through is going to be even more of a power drain…” Chuuya muttered before he shook his head and returned to the conversation at hand. “It’s no problem. Gotta stick up for each other, you know? Doesn’t matter if you’re younger than we are, you’re a pilot. In training. You might not get _Soukoku,_ but I don’t think whoever you end up with will be too much different.”

There would be time for more discussion of that later. They were supposed to be getting to know each other, not rambling on about things. 

“Hey Kunikida-san.” Chuuya addressed the blond, not so much to change the subject as to do it before he forgot. He'd gotten a little distracted with getting to know everybody. “Congrats on the assistant position.”

“Thank you, Nakahara-san. I am honored that Fukuzawa-sensei chose me. He is a worthy teacher.” Kunikida’s speech was somewhat formal, his voice already deep for his age. “He said you are sparring with him tomorrow. Are you a martial artist as well?”

“I am.” The redhead nodded as he finished the last pancake on his plate, setting his utensils down. “I’ve been studying for a while, but I doubt my skills will be anywhere near Fukuzawa-sensei’s level. He sparred with Ane-san (Ozaki Kouyou) yesterday, and they were amazing.”

“I would have like to have watched that.” The quiet voice was Kyouka’s. “Ozaki-san is my idol.”

“They’ll probably do another match soon if you ask. Ane-san enjoys sparring with people who can keep up and there’s not many of them.” Chuuya assured her, grinning. Ane-san really had enjoyed that fight, and they could always explain it away as a demonstration fight.

“Kyouka’s Ability is very much like Kouyou’s,” Dazai explained. “Hers is inherited, though, so she’s only had it for a year or so. She just joined us last month.”

Kyouka nodded and took another bite of her tofu.

“What do you think of it?” The redhead asked her curiously. He hadn’t heard of an ability being inherited before, but they were weird things. Chuuya wouldn’t put it past one, really. “Both your ability and the program, I mean.”

“Demon Snow is… comforting. She was my mother’s Ability. But I can’t really control her yet. I am hoping Ozaki-san can teach me. As for the program, I haven’t been in it long, but everyone has been kind to me so far.” The young girl was shy, her voice almost too quiet to hear, but she seemed earnest and happy to be there.

Chuuya smiled comfortingly. He understood what it felt like to be small and new, not quite sure of your place here, with an ability that never did exactly what you wanted it to. The redhead was sure that Ane-san would find some time to help, even if it would mean delegating a few of her duties to others.

“I’m sure she’ll help you. She can be a bit busy sometimes, but she’ll find some time for you. Ane-san is kind but stern, so expect to be taught well.”

“Thank you, Nakahara-san.” She looked down at her food, too shy to continue the conversation further.

The other girl piped up then. She was sitting behind Dazai, and had been glancing at them since they’d left the base, evidently attempting to figure out how to phrase something. “Nakahara-san,” she asked, voice a mix of awe, eagerness, and teasing, “are those _hickeys_ on your neck?”

“Nope. Dazai, these are your friends, you deal with them.” Chuuya slammed his hands down on the table, standing up and walking out of the booth toward the door. He wasn’t angry or anything, just embarrassed and somewhat startled by the question. The redhead hadn’t even realized those were visible. Ane-san had probably noticed them too then - he was going to hear something about it next time he talked to her. 

The brunette sighed. “Naomi-chan, you really need to learn tact. Yes, they are. And so are these,” he said, sweeping his hair aside to reveal the marks on his own neck. “Chuuya and I are together. We have been since right after the drift. And I am the happiest I’ve ever been.” 

He rose as well, walking fast enough to catch up to Chuuya. He reached out, taking the other’s hand. “Wait, Chuuya. Please.”

Chuuya had stopped right outside the door, leaning against the wall. As Dazai stepped out, he looked at him curiously, hoping his blush had at least somewhat faded from his cheeks.

“I’m…not mad or anything. I just wasn’t expecting it,” he admitted, pulling the other close to him. “She didn’t mean any harm, I’m pretty sure she was just excited.”

“I know. She also has absolutely no filter.” He could see the others watching them through the windows, and in that moment, he really didn’t care. It wasn’t like he was going to stop kissing Chuuya anytime soon, so they might as well get used to the sight. Dazai leaned down, his free hand going to the redhead’s cheek, and kissed him.

Chuuya leaned into it, breaking it off when the need for air made itself known. He was blushing again, but he didn’t mind this time. His free hand had gone to Dazai’s waist, resting comfortably. 

“I think we shouldn’t be too long. They haven’t seen you in a while and I want to get to know them better.” The redhead smiled at Dazai, his thumb stroking over his side contentedly. “We’ll all be seeing each other around base after all.” 

“I know. But I also want them to see just how much you mean to me. They’re my friends, yes, but you’re my partner, and my lover, and the sooner they get used to the sight of me kissing you the better, because I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.”

“Well I didn’t say we had to _stop_ that, did we?” Chuuya‘s smile turned into a bit of a grin before he put his hand to Dazai’s cheek. “ I just suggested we not be too long about it.”

Chuuya guided Dazai’s face back to his, drawing him into another kiss. 

The brunette melted into Chuuya’s lips. He wasn’t sure how, but somehow Chuuya tasted better, sweeter, every time they kissed, and Dazai was fairly certain he’d never get tired of it. He drew back, finally, the need to breathe too much to ignore. Once he’d caught his breath he grinned. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Atsushi’s probably close to being done. I can kiss you more when we get home.”

“Yes, yes you can.” Chuuya pushed off the wall to stand by the brunette, leading him back inside with a grin, his blush finally fading completely for now. He’d given up on matching the kid for appetite today, but they’d have to have another round when the both of them were on more even terms. “Let’s go deal with their questions.” 

Dazai groaned at that. “Do we have to?” he said plaintively, but there was a grin on his face as he spoke. He was more than happy to show Chuuya off, and he really had expected the questions. Part of the reason for bringing them all out was to get most of them out of the way all at once. Naomi’s question had been embarrassing, but had opened the door for everything else, so it had worked out.

Besides, he’d gotten to kiss Chuuya more, and that was never a bad thing.

“If we don’t now we’ll have to deal with it later,” the redhead told him. He was smiling even though he’d probably have to deal with more questions like Naomi-chan’s. This time he was prepared for it though. “Besides, if we get them out of the way first we can move on to other things. Like what everybody else’s abilities are, because I still don’t know.”

“Point. Well, you know Atsushi’s and Kyouka’s, and Naomi isn’t gifted, so that just leaves Junichiro, Kenji, and Kunikida.” Back at the table now, he and Chuuya sat, and he stifled a grin when he noticed he’d been right about Atsushi. “Still hungry, Atsushi, or are you good for now?” he asked, since the other was nearly done.

“Um.” The tiger thought for a moment, finishing the last of his pancakes and pushing the plate away. “I think I’m good for a few hours. This was a lot of food. Thank you, Dazai.”

“No problem.” Dazai smiled at the boy, then turned back to the others, twisting around in his seat to see everyone. “Hey Junichiro-kun, why don’t you show Chuuya what you can do?”

“O-okay, Dazai,” the boy said. Suddenly, everything but Chuuya, Dazai, and the booth seat disappeared, the scenery changing to a formless gray.

Chuuya’s smile transformed into a curious expression, his eyes widening as he looked around, poking where he thought the table was. It was still there, but essentially completely invisible. That was cool as fuck. 

“Damn. That’s pretty impressive. Can you do just grey or can you do other colors or things too?” 

“Other things, yeah.” The voice seemed to come out of nowhere, and the scene changed again, this time putting the two of them on a park bench in a clearing. It flipped a few more times to various locales, before he released the illusions entirely.

Dazai grinned. “Thanks, Junichiro-kun. You’re getting better with Light Snow.”

The younger redhead ducked his head, blushing slightly, and mumbled a ‘thank you’.

“That’s definitely impressive, Tanizaki-kun. If you could use that in a Jaeger I think there would be a lot of uses for it.” Cloaking, feints, any number of other things that might come in handy during a fight. It would be a few years before that would happen though, unless something drastic happened. Chuuya twisted in his seat, looking behind him to see who was left, although there wouldn’t be too many he thought. 

“Indeed,” Dazai agreed. “Kenji’s ability is super strength, but he just ate, so he won’t be able to use it for a while. And Kunikida can summon things with his notebook. We’re still trying to figure out how to translate that into a Jaeger, but we haven’t had a lot of luck so far.”

He turned to face everyone. “Any other questions for Chuuya, while we’re here?” he asked.

Kunikida nodded. “You successfully drifted with Dazai, right? How did you manage? Most people can’t take the feeling of his Ability.”

“I think it helped that I sort of have the exact opposite problem, although it doesn’t have anything to do with my ability. People haven’t been able to drift with me either, because my emotions tend to be a bit much and they sort of… I guess ‘drown’ might be the best word?” Chuuya shrugged. “So it’s like it evened out. Instead of having no emotions them brought it down to what I guess people might see more as ‘normal’, although there were some minor other effects. It felt weird, but not as bad as it could have been.”

The blond nodded again. He’d been one of the ones to try drifting with Dazai before the other had found Oda, and he knew the effects firsthand. If Chuuya’s emotions were volatile enough that No Longer Human just evened them out… “I see,” he said simply, and leaned back in his seat.

“What other effects?” Naomi piped up this time, and Dazai frowned slightly.

“I forgot to mention- Naomi-chan’s training with Yosano to be a medic, so we might see her at the clinic on occasion,” he said. “She doesn’t do much except paperwork, officially, but she might be there during visits.”

“Nothing major and nothing I haven’t really dealt with before, save the fact that we ghost drifted for a good while after. I think it ended last night?” Chuuya shrugged again. He wasn’t really worried about it at the moment. They would deal with it as it came. “You must be busy if you’re going into the medical field so early, Naomi-chan, even if it’s just paperwork at the moment.” It was probably just inventory and the like, since she was a bit young to have access to patient files and sensitive data like that. 

“I am. I’m still technically going to school too. It’s online, so living on base doesn’t really make a difference. And Yosano-sensei has me studying biology and chemistry too. It’s a little scary sometimes, actually. I’ve seen some pilots come in in really bad shape.” She dropped her eyes, and most of the enthusiasm dropped out of her voice as she remembered the next bit. “I was in the infirmary when they brought Dazai-san in last year. It was the most scared I’ve ever been. I didn’t see most of the injuries, but what I did see… None of us thought he was going to make it out of the operating room.” She buried her face in her brother’s shoulder as she finished speaking.

Dazai’s eyes were hooded as the girl recounted that day, and he stilled as the memories hit him. Chuuya was right- the drift had pretty much faded, finally, and the chill of No Longer Human had settled back in without him really noticing. There was still a bit of that spark left, a hole in the wall, as it were, but the flood of emotions was gone, and for once he was almost glad. 

He’d been so close.

What Naomi didn’t know, what none of them really knew, was that he _had_ died on the operating table. Three times, in fact. And Yosano had managed to bring him back each time. 

Dazai had hated her for that for a while. He’d been wanting to die for so long. Going peacefully under anesthetic would have been perfect. But… Odasaku had wanted him to live. Had given his life for him, even though Dazai would have been happy to die at the time.

In the end, he’d decided to respect his father-figure’s wishes. He’d started going to Yosano for counseling. It had helped, and so had his responsibility to the kids. And then they’d found Atsushi, and he’d decided to befriend the boy, to help him learn to control his ability and start training him to pilot. And then, he’d found Chuuya, and something that had made the wait worthwhile. 

He decided, then, to show Chuuya what lay beneath the bandages. And he’d do it now, this morning, before the emotions came back and his resolve washed away in the flood.

“Well he did and he’s here.” Chuuya said firmly as he squeezed Dazai’s hand gently, having never let go of it from when they had come back inside. A part of him was glad he hadn’t been there to see it, but he was glad that Dazai had had people by his side when it’d happened. Something like that… the trauma of such a thing would have had a hell of an effect. At least the brunette was in therapy, and he’d said it was helping. 

Chuuya wanted to be there for him, wanted to do whatever he could to help Dazai. He didn’t know what that would be, but they’d figure it out. A glance at the brunette made Chuuya frown, but he wiped it off his face to put on a more neutral expression, leaning slightly against the other. 

Dazai wrapped his free arm around Chuuya, pulling him close and burying his head in his shoulder. It was time to go, he thought. The mood had dropped, everyone was done eating, and there wasn’t really a reason to be here any longer. The waitress had dropped the bill off while they were outside.

He breathed in Chuuya’s scent for a moment, letting it center him, then raised his head and kissed the redhead on the cheek as a thank you. “Alright,” he said, slipping into his ‘cheerful Dazai’ mask, “we should head back. Chuuya and I will show you your quarters so you can get settled in.”

The others nodded and started heading out. Dazai paid the bill, with a generous tip, and they left the restaurant.

Showing them their rooms didn’t take long. Kouyou had given them a block of five- the Tanizaki siblings shared one- two hallways down from Chuuya and Dazai’s room. Kyouka had taken a single look around, memorized the location, and asked to be shown to Kouyou’s office. Chuuya showed her the way, while Dazai took Naomi to the infirmary and dropped her with Yosano.

Respective escort missions accomplished, the pair met back in their room, and Dazai flopped down on the bed. The day was only a few hours old and he was already exhausted.

The redhead joined his partner on the bed, propped up on one arm. He looked over Dazai and grabbed one hand, holding it as he thought of something to say. It had been nice to meet the people who were close to the brunette, even if the conversation topics hadn’t been expected. After they left the discussions had been more lighthearted, but everybody had felt the effect and they’d dispersed easily. 

“What do you want to do?” Chuuya eventually asked instead of suggesting something, his tone quiet. 

“Sleep for a week, even if I know that’s impossible,” Dazai replied, just as quietly. “There’s a lot I still need to tell you, and just the thought of it’s exhausting. But we should probably do at least some of it now, before we start drifting again tomorrow. Before the feelings come back and it hurts too much to say out loud.”

“I’ve told you before, it’s your call.” Chuuya pulled Dazai’s hand up just enough that he could brush a kiss over the knuckles before he let it drop again. “If you want to tell me, I’ll listen, whatever it is. You don’t have to, but you can.” He wasn’t sure what the brunette was going to bring up, but he’d be by his side the entire way if Dazai wanted him there, whatever came their way.

“I know. I do want to tell you. It’s just… there’s a lot involved, and it’s all kind of knotted up together, so I’m not entirely sure where to start. I suppose, though, we’ll start with these.” The brunette sighed, then pushed himself upright and stripped off his shirt. 

Then, he reached around to the back of his neck, and unfastened the knot there, unwinding the bandages as he talked.

“Naomi was right,” he said, “but she didn’t know everything. I took a _lot_ of damage, Chuuya. All told, I _died_ three times over the twelve hours I spent in surgery. Died, and was brought back. It’s actually the only way Yosano’s gift works on me. There’s a window of a couple of seconds after my heart stops where she can heal me, but it’s just enough to bring me back. Neither of us knew it was even possible until that day.”

He’d finished unwrapping the bandages on his neck and torso, dropping them to one side. His skin… his skin was a network of scars, and not all of them were from surgeries.

Some of them were self-inflicted, and the one on his neck was a rope burn.

The redhead sat up as well, his attention on Dazai, and he crossed his feet under him as he listened. He didn’t reach out, unsure how the brunette would take it, but he didn’t move away from him either. Chuuya let his eyes roam over what Dazai had uncovered, taking in what he knew very few others had ever seen, and pushed down his worry. The brunette’s injuries were all scars, at least the ones on his torso and neck; there weren’t any new ones, by the look of it. The mechanic was glad about that - he wasn’t sure he’d know what to do if there had been, not that he knew for sure he was going about any of this correctly. A part of him was saddened by the sight, that Dazai had felt the need to do such things, but he squashed it down. 

“I’m glad it worked.” Chuuya said softly. “I’m glad you’re here today, with me, but I wish you didn’t have to go through everything you had to do so.”

“So do I,” Dazai replied. Part of him relaxed a bit at Chuuya’s reaction. He hadn’t run, hadn’t even looked at him differently, and it… helped. He took a deep breath, and started unwinding the bandage on his left arm.

“The therapy with Yosano. It isn’t just because of Oda’s death. Or maybe it is, but not to help me get over it. It’s because up until then, I was actively suicidal.” There were tears forming in his eyes now, blurring his vision slightly, and he dashed them away, not really even registering how odd it was that they were there in the first place. The arm was bare now, and a network of white scars ran from wrist to elbow. He brushed his fingers over one long scar, and his breathing stuttered for a moment. 

“This one… is from my last attempt. Two days before the Mimic fight. Odasaku found me before I could bleed out. I…” He swallowed. “It should have been me, Chuuya. It took me so long to understand why he saved someone like me, someone who just wanted to die in the first place. I knew he loved me as a son, but I never understood what that meant until I woke up a week after the fight with his memories in my head.”

“It shouldn’t have been either of you.” Chuuya said once the other seemed done for the moment. “Neither of you should have had to resort to that. You shouldn’t have had to lose someone like him because of somebody else’s stupidity.”

He hoped he was right when he took the brunette’s use of ‘last’ instead of ‘latest’ as an indication that Dazai wasn’t planning on trying it again. Dazai had spoken like he wasn’t, had said it like he was no longer actively suicidal, but Chuuya was aware that something like that didn’t come without setbacks at times. He could only hope today was a step forward and not back for his partner, when everything was settled. 

The redhead knew he wasn’t going to forget about that scar anytime soon, or the one on the other’s neck, but he pushed away the thought and focused on Dazai for now, steeling himself. The brunette was baring himself, taking off his armor, and Chuuya wasn’t going to turn away from him now. He’d said he’d be with Dazai the entire way, and he hadn’t been lying.

Chuuya didn’t know why Dazai had felt that way, why the other had felt the need to end his life, but he wasn’t going to ask if the other didn’t offer it up. Maybe at some point he should ask Yosano-sensei if there was a right way to go about this, maybe ask if she had some tips. 

Dazai had started baring his right arm as Chuuya spoke. It wasn’t as bad as the left, but there was a particularly nasty scar running up the back of it. He turned his arm over, showing it to Chuuya. “This one’s from the attack,” he said. “It got infected, despite everything Yosano did, and I almost lost the arm. There’s still some nerve damage, but it’s not enough to keep me from drifting, or using it to control the Jaeger.”

He studied the redhead’s eyes as he spoke. There had been a flash of anger while the other was talking, but he thought it was due to _Flawless’s_ vulnerability, which would make sense. For the rest of it though… there was curiosity, and pain, and determination. No pity, no horror, none of the usual reactions when someone saw the mangled mess of his torso or the scars on his wrists. It was… cathartic, and heartening, in a way he hadn’t realized was possible, and he was suddenly extremely glad he’d chosen Chuuya.

He also wondered if he’d actually have been able to do this if they were still drifting, or if it would have been too overwhelming.

No, he knew the answer to that. It was hard enough waiting to see Chuuya’s emotions in his eyes. _Feeling_ them would’ve been far too much, and the fear of what they might have been never would’ve allowed him to consider the idea.

“You can touch them, if you want,” he said suddenly, and part of him recoiled from that idea, screamed _no, he’s going to flinch and reject you and it’ll hurt even worse because you thought that this one was different,_ but he ignored it. If this was going to work, he had to trust Chuuya, trust his partner. He’d known that going in. “You probably have questions. Go ahead and ask. I’ll answer if I can.”

“You said you _were_ actively suicidal, and that before your last fight was your last attempt.” Chuuya started off slowly, trying to think through what he was saying before he put it out there. “Has that changed since then? Has Yosano-sensei been helping?”

As he spoke, the redhead moved to sit in front of Dazai, not trying to trap him but wanting to face him head-on and gently took the other’s hands in his own. Chuuya, once he was done speaking, pressed light kisses to the palm of each hand and the knuckles before moving down each arm, keeping his hold gentle enough that Dazai could pull away whenever he felt the need to. The redhead didn’t know what else to do. Of course this was going to change the way he saw the man, but only in a way that made Chuuya love him more. The brunette was still here, was trying to bare himself in front of Chuuya before something made him do it, _trusted_ Chuuya enough to do so despite having known him less than a week. Dazai obviously was uncomfortable with it - that much was obvious in his voice, at least - and he was still making the effort.

“Thank you for telling me, by the way, before it came out in the drift.” The redhead told his partner, making sure to look the other in the eye as he spoke softly.

Dazai tensed, then relaxed marginally as Chuuya took his hands without flinching. He blew out the breath he’d been holding and nodded. “You’re welcome,” he said, just as softly. “Yes, Yosano’s been helping. So has Atsushi- he was all but broken when we found him, and for some reason he latched onto me. It’s given me something to concentrate on the past year, and seeing how far he’s come… it makes me think I’m paying Odasaku back, in a way.”

He watched Chuuya kissing the scars for a moment, shuddering slightly as soft lips touched over-sensitive flesh that rarely saw the light of day. “There are still days I want to die,” he admitted, his voice nearly a whisper. “Days when I wake up and nothing seems worth the effort of breathing. I’ve gotten better at working through them when I have to, but…”

The brunette studied the other’s gaze, the depth of _caring_ and what he thought might be _love_ almost painful as something twanged in the numbness that was starting to eat at his soul again. He twisted his wrists, grabbing at Chuuya’s arms and tugging him closer, burying his head in the redhead’s shoulder as soon as he was able. “But,” he continued, “there are other times when it just hits me out of nowhere, and all I can do is shut down and pretend to be human until I can be alone and not have to act anymore. That’s kind of what happened earlier.”

Chuuya startled as Dazai suddenly moved, but let himself be surrounded by the other’s arms, putting his own around Dazai in return. He hadn’t expected the brunette to grab him, had settled for putting a bit of distance between them, but Chuuya wasn’t going to complain about it either, despite the jolt of alarm that quickly faded. 

“I’m glad you found things that help you. That you haven’t been alone. I want to be there for you too, if you want me. What do you want me to do, when that happens? I don’t want to make things worse for you, but I don’t know how I can help.” Chuuya asked after a moment of thinking, figuring that straight up asking was probably the best way to go about it. He didn’t want to be distant if the other wanted him to stick close or to seemingly smother him or something, but he’d never really dealt with this before. The redhead wasn’t sure what his partner meant by ‘acting human’ when he shut down, but that was something Dazai probably discussed with Yosano. It might mean putting on a persona or something when he didn’t feel like anything, but Chuuya wasn’t going to assume.

“Just… be there. I know that’s vague, but having someone this close is new to me too. Don’t leave me alone, even if I argue with you about it. Being alone just makes the numbness worse.” He tightened his hold a little, letting Chuuya’s warmth seep into him. It wasn’t the fire of his emotions, but it helped, still. “It hasn’t happened during an actual drift, and rarely during a ghost, but Odasaku told me once it felt like a wall went up between us. I was still there, but he couldn’t get to me. I don’t know if that will make sense until it actually happens.”

Dazai kissed Chuuya’s shoulder, a silent _thank you_. “I think the biggest signal it’s happening, otherwise, is that I just stop talking. Or doing anything. I’ve been told I’ll cut off in the middle of a sentence and just go still for a couple of seconds. Usually I don’t even realize I’ve done it unless someone points it out- it’s like my brain just reboots into a completely different mode, like a computer when it hits an error. I can still sort of act like me afterward, if there’s someone around or if there’s something I have to do, but the instant it’s just me or one or two people I trust, I just… mostly shut down until something jolts me out of it or I’ve slept it off.” 

“I can do that. I won’t say that I’m not going to argue back or anything, but I won’t leave you alone.” Chuuya thought he got what his partner was getting at, but knew he wouldn’t know for sure until it happened. He would definitely go by Yosano-sensei at some point and see if she had any tips - this was a serious subject he knew very little about, and he wanted to handle it right. Sure he could turn to the internet but Yosano-sensei would likely be more reliable, especially since Dazai trusted her. Chuuya tucked away the last bit of information, hoping that he would remember it if he needed it. “Did you want to sleep it off now or stay up a bit more?”

“Um.” Dazai considered the time. It was still early, and he hadn’t really slept much the night before, especially since they’d gotten up early to watch _Soukoku_ come in. “Sleep, I think, but not for too long. We still have to call Yuu tonight, and I want to do that before it gets too late.” He started uncurling himself from around Chuuya, letting the other move so he could strip off his jeans. He was officially too tired to care about pajamas, and the bandages… 

He looked at the redhead, uncertainty and an uncharacteristic vulnerability in his eyes. “Would Chuuya be willing to lay with me for a bit? Just until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.” Chuuya answered as he got up and stripped off his jeans before he held up a bit of the blankets the two had been lying on. “Did you want to sleep underneath the blankets or on top?” It wasn’t even time for lunch, so they still had most of the day ahead of them. There would be time later to talk to the kids, at least for a few moments. Dazai could nap the morning off for a few hours and Chuuya could stay with him and read for a bit. 

“Under, please. It’s too cold otherwise.” He moved, sliding under the covers and getting comfortable. He could feel the exhaustion rolling over him, but he refused to give into it just yet.

“You’re not wrong.” Chuuya agreed, smiling just a bit as he joined Dazai under the covers, getting comfortable as well for the time being. Once the other fell asleep he’d sit up and scooch back a bit so his back was to the wall and he could prop a book on his lap, but he’d stay in bed with his partner.

Falling asleep didn’t take long, for a change. Chuuya’s warmth and presence lulled him, and Dazai surrendered to the fog, letting it roll him under into blissful nothingness. Unlike other times when he gave into the fog, though, there was a beacon in the distance, and he thought that when he was himself again he just might follow it.


	11. Triggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we meet Yuu and Akutagawa. And a conversation goes in a rather unexpected direction.

Chuuya, lost in reading a book that had initially been very boring but had thankfully picked up pace, didn’t realize that his free hand had gone to Dazai’s hair, carding through it, until the body lying on top of him went tense. The redhead wasn’t sure whether it was the best response, but he kept his hand moving. From here he couldn’t see the brunette’s face (it was obscured by blankets) so he wasn’t sure if Dazai was waking up or having a nightmare. He carefully set the book off to the side and let his arm drop to his side. When Dazai looked up at Chuuya, moving as little as possible, the redhead smiled. 

Dazai was fucking adorable when he wasn’t quite awake yet. 

“Finished sleeping for now Osamu?” he asked softly, in case his partner wasn’t actually ready to get up yet. 

Dazai woke from a very muddled dream that bordered on a nightmare, not uncommon for him in this situation. It took him a moment to figure out what he was laying on, and then it hit him. _Legs. Chuuya’s legs. He must have sat up after I went to sleep. And his hand’s in my hair._ The brunette decided he very much liked that sensation, and he tilted his head just enough to see Chibi’s face without dislodging it. 

He also very much liked the soft smile on Chuuya’s face. And the way he said _Osamu._

“I think so,” he answered. He couldn’t see the clock, but it felt like he’d been out for a few hours. More importantly, he felt like _Dazai_ again, more or less. And he was warm, and comfortable, and really didn’t want to move until he had to.

“Chuuya’s lap makes a very good pillow,” he said instead, with a smile of his own.

“I have a feeling that it’s a good thing that I don’t mind you as a blanket then.” The redhead continued carding through the brunette’s hair as they sat together. To think a week ago he was stuck on the sidelines, helping others make their Jaegers into _their_ Jaegers and fixing fuck-ups, spending his free time mostly on his own piece. Now he had a partner, a Jaeger, and a _boyfriend_. Chuuya’s smile widened a bit as he thought about that last bit. He hadn’t really ever thought about such a thing, but he wouldn’t trade Dazai for anything.

Poking his phone to check the time, Chuuya debated for a moment mentioning it was getting on lunch time (practically was. The dining hall would start serving in just a few minutes) before he remembered that when they’d left Dazai hadn’t finished his food, just paid the check.

“We should get going soon. Lunch is going to be served soon, and I don’t think we really have too many leftovers at the moment.” Technically there _were_ leftovers, but Chuuya didn’t want to deal with what would happen if he took them. Just because they were in the common fridge didn’t mean they were common food, after all.

“Mmff. What are we having?” Dazai really wasn’t hungry, but he supposed he should probably attempt to eat something since he’d barely touched his breakfast. He turned his head back, nuzzling against Chuuya’s leg for a second, then pushed himself upwards. He caught sight of his bare arms as he did so, and grimaced.

“It’s going to be a few before I’ll be ready to go. I have to redo the bandages.” The brunette shivered briefly as the blankets fell away. He wasn’t sure if the room was chilly or he was just hyper aware of the lack of the extra layer of fabric that had been his second skin for the past year or so. Once he was more or less vertical he leaned over, wrapping his arms around Chuuya and planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks, Chibi,” he said, voice serious and soft. “I’ve dropped a lot on you the past few days. You’ve been absolutely amazing, and I am so glad I found you. Just wanted you to know that before I go back to being my usual obnoxious self.”

“Hey, we’ll get through this. Together, okay?” Chuuya used the phrase Dazai had told him the day before, still smiling a bit. He had faith that they would get through this. If Dazai was going to be there for him, he’d do the same. “I got lucky when you picked me to drift with. You’re simply wonderful, however you are.” 

A part of him was sure that he was going to somewhat regret those words, but he couldn’t find it in himself to mind. 

Dazai blushed slightly at that and buried his face in Chuuya’s neck, nuzzling it. He’d never been called wonderful before, not outside of something related to his skills, and he wasn’t quite sure how to handle the praise. It occurred to him he would be quite happy just staying in bed all day with Chuuya, but he doubted the other would stay still that long.

“Chuuya is too good to me,” he said instead, back to his teasing tone, and he pushed away reluctantly. He climbed off the bed and headed for the bathroom and fresh bandages. “Give me a little to get covered and we’ll go get food.”

“I don’t think there’s such a thing as being too good to you, Osamu. Personally, I think you’re worth a lot.” Chuuya said as the other got up to get ready. The redhead also got up, grabbing the jeans he’d shucked earlier to pull them on. “No rush - they’ll serve it for a while. I don’t know what they’re making today though off the top of my head.”

“You know, if you keep saying things like that and calling me Osamu in that tone we’re never going to get to lunch.” Dazai emerged from the bathroom, wrapping one arm as he spoke. “Speaking of which, can Chuuya cook? I can, a little, but my skills don’t go far beyond eggs and rice.”

“I’ll stop then, because you need to eat, _Dazai_.” Chuuya grinned at his partner as he took a seat at the desk, moving aside some of the books and papers sitting on it. As a minor he still had schoolwork and that sort of thing, even if he usually had most of it done early enough it didn’t matter. It was all online so he didn’t even have to leave base to do it, which was good since otherwise he’d spend most of his day away from the rest of his work, although maybe that had affected his social life a bit. Oh well.

“I can cook a bit. Nothing really big though. Most of the time I’m cooking for one, so I don’t bother making too much.” The redhead said as he finally uncovered the latest of his English assignments. A book report on the novel he had been reading earlier - he would have to start on that later.

Dazai pouted a bit as he finished the arm and started on his neck. He watched Chuuya shuffling papers, then walked over to see what he’d pulled out. “English homework, huh? I always hated book reports. Too much like mission reports with morality lessons.” He grinned slightly as Chuuya looked at him askance. “Don’t look at me like that, Chibi. I tested out of everything ages ago. Combination of a genius-level IQ and way too much free time; well, that, and I really despise homework. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t- you’d probably ace the math and science portions easily, if nothing else.”

“Yeah. I can’t believe we actually have to do these. No other school in Japan does them. I probably could, but what’s the point? It’s not like I’ll actually be able to do anything else. I already crossed my education into mechanics and similar fields to work on Jaegers.” The redhead shrugged, leaning back in his seat as he looked back to the paper. He wasn’t surprised Dazai was so smart - he’d heard similar rumors about him before. Sure Chuuya had done well in math and science; he’d had to, in order to get as far in his mechanics studies as he had, but that didn’t mean he had to like school. “Ane-san insisted that I try and round out my education, despite everything.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Dazai had finished his neck and torso, and was starting his other arm. “Well, if you want help with anything, let me know. After all, I can’t have my Chibi too busy with homework to pay attention to me, can I?”

Chuuya just shook his head, grinning, and tossed a spare pencil at his partner, who dodged it almost without looking. Dazai would be done before too much longer, but he might as well use the time to jot down some notes about what he had read earlier before they headed out. They still had to call Yuu later, and who knew how long he’d get to talk to the kid.

Dazai’s grin widened. He finished his bandage as Chuuya wrote, then pulled on his jeans and shirt from earlier. He really had gotten lucky with the redhead. Sure, he’d seen the file, and knew the other’s numbers and expertise were a good match for his own, but nothing could’ve prepared him for how _right_ the other felt. Their personalities were opposites, and he had a feeling there would be times when they would clash in spectacular ways (which could be fun all on its own), but there was a connection between them that no file could have prepared them for.

And Chuuya’s compassion… he was the first person ever to see all of Dazai’s scars, to find out just how broken he was, and just… accept it. Those blue eyes were incredibly expressive; they showed every feeling that Chuuya had, and they’d never changed. No, that wasn’t true. They had. But in a good way- if anything, they’d gotten softer, kinder, more _loving_ as he unraveled every piece of himself and surrendered it up for judgement. Yosano and Odasaku, much as he trusted and respected them, had tried to fix him. Chuuya had offered to support him as he was, and that had just made Dazai fall even more in love.

Huh. He was back to his usual mostly-emotionless self, but that was one that hadn’t gone away. Interesting.

Once he was dressed, he wandered over to where Chuuya sat, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and resting his chin on the other’s head. “Are you ready to go yet?”

“Just a second… Okay, let’s go.” Chuuya said as he finished the last of his notes. He’d work them into what he had later, but now it was time for food and Dazai. The redhead leaned back into the other for a moment before bopping one arm lightly. “Are you going to keep doing that?”

It wasn’t that he minded, per say, but Dazai seemed to like to point out the height difference between them. Chuuya wasn’t used to anyone doing that anymore, although this time he’d bet Dazai would say he was asking for it. 

“Probably. I did tell you I was going to be obnoxious, didn’t I?” His amber eyes twinkled as he spoke, then sobered a bit. “This is the Dazai everyone else sees. Most people don’t know it’s a mask, though. Not many people get to see behind it, and Chuuya’s the only one that gets to see everything.”

He moved slightly, letting his head slide off to one side so it lay on Chuuya’s shoulder instead. “It’s almost instinctual now, to the point where I can keep it up even when the rest of me is shutting down. You haven’t seen it much yet because when it’s just us, or Yosano, or even Ranpo, I can let the mask drop. They both know what normal me is like. And, to be honest, I haven’t really been normal me since the drift anyway. The effects of the ghost drift overrode the numbness.”

“You did.” Chuuya agreed, tilting his head so it rested on Dazai’s for a few seconds. “I’ll get used to it. I might get frustrated, but I won’t leave.”

He had known, in a way, that he didn’t see his partner like a lot of others did, but Chuuya wasn’t sure he had seen the extent of everything yet. The two of them would figure it out. He would have faith in that and in Dazai. They had time.

“I’m glad you can let it down sometimes though. That you can be as true to yourself as you can sometimes.” The redhead admitted softly. Was he being sappy, or was it just him? Chuuya didn’t know. He hoped, privately, that Dazai would let him know if he was being too much of something, but he didn’t always know where the line was. Perhaps he did spend too much time away from others his age…

“That’s all I’m asking, Chuuya,” Dazai answered, murmuring into his neck. “Frankly, it’s okay if it doesn’t all make sense. I’ve been living with it for as long as I can remember, and I don’t really get the way my head works sometimes. Explaining it to someone else gets a little convoluted.” He kissed Chuuya’s neck, directly over one of the fading bruises, and straightened. “Come on. Let’s go get lunch.”

“Yeah. We can talk more later if we feel like it.” Chuuya stood, stretching. He wasn’t used to sitting for so long. “I don’t know if anybody’s ever completely sure about how minds work. I mean, I thought I was… fine.” The redhead used for lack of a better word, making a bit of a face before he waved it off. “Point being, we’ll be there for each other, whether or not it makes complete sense. Now let’s go get lunch before I talk myself further into a hole.”

The mechanic led the way out of the room, walking beside Dazai. 

Dazai snaked one arm around Chuuya’s waist, holding him close. After all, there was nowhere he’d rather be.

*******************

 _“Nii-san! Hi! How’s Yokohama?”_ The child on the phone was grinning widely as he saw Dazai. 

“Oh, not bad. It’s been busy. Do you remember the possible partner I told you about?”

_“Yeah! How did the drift test go?”_

“It went pretty much perfectly. His name is Nakahara Chuuya, and he’s the same age as me. And guess what?” Dazai said with a smile.

_“What?”_

“He’s a Jaeger mechanic. And he’s building his own Jaeger too. Aaaannnd,” he said, swinging the camera to Chuuya, “he’s sitting right here, if you want to ask him anything.”

Chuuya was going to remember that. For the moment he settled for rolling his eyes and waved to the camera. He wasn’t going to smack Dazai while the kid was watching. 

“Hi Yuu-kun. It’s nice to meet you.” He told the boy in the camera, who was starry-eyed and looked like he had a million questions to ask. The redhead got comfortable, leaned against Dazai, and smiled.

 _“Wow! You’re a pilot and a mechanic and you’re only 17? Cool! That means you’re gifted like Nii-san, right? What does your Ability do?”_ Yuu asked, almost breathless.

“My ability is ‘For the Tainted Sorrow’.” The redhead was a bit amused and somewhat amazed by the speed at which the kid asked. “It lets me affect the gravity of nearby objects and myself, which makes it really handy when I’m working on a Jaeger.”

 _“_ Gravity _control? That’s awesome!”_ Yuu practically squeaked. _“Can you fly?”_

“I can. I use it mostly to help me work on Jaegers, since I don’t need to wait to get heavy pieces in the air and don’t need a team for a lot of it.” Chuuya answered, remembering the first time he had scared somebody by lifting something like it was nothing above his head. The guy’s expression had been hilarious. 

_“That is so cool! Nii-san, your partner is the coolest!”_

Dazai watched with a grin as Yuu’s mind blew. The boy continued to ask questions about Chuuya, his ability, his Jaeger, and all sorts of mechanical things until a voice from off-screen called to the boy.

 _“I have to go now,”_ Yuu said. _“Mom and Dad are taking me to visit the others, and we’re going to have a party at that little cat cafe near the orphanage. It was nice meeting you, Chuuya-san. Miss you, Nii-san!”_

“Miss you too, Yuu-kun. Happy birthday, and tell the others I’ll call them later this week, okay? Enjoy your party,” Dazai said, still grinning. He hadn’t gotten to talk to the boy much, but that was alright. The sheer excitement that had been in Yuu’s voice the entire conversation had been worth it.

“Bye, Yuu-kun. Happy birthday and have fun at your party.” Chuuya echoed his partner, waiting until the call ended to flip over so he was straddling his partner. That had been surprisingly fun for a discussion with the kid - Yuu’s creativity made for some interesting ideas that he’d have to remember, and he’d gotten an email address to send some copies of the blueprints he’d picked out to. “Well that was fun. Anything else you want to do today? It’s still fairly early.”

“Well, we could go over to the bays so you can get a better look at _Soukoku._ They should be done removing the temporary patches in a few days, but you can see how much still needs done, especially since you’re her primary mechanic now.” He pulled Chuuya in closer, kissing him briefly. It seemed the thing to do since he was right there, after all. 

“Also, as a thought,” he said, pulling back slightly, “Yosano said she’d be keeping an eye on our drift sessions until we could figure out for sure what was causing the panic attacks. Did you want to talk to her about them? Or anything else, for that matter? We can stop on the way.”

Chuuya sighed, his body relaxing against Dazai’s as he thought for a moment. He did want to go to Yosano, but not about what was probably inevitable tomorrow. Those he’d survived this long, and it’s not like it was really a problem. He was fine. The redhead put his head in the crook of Dazai’s neck, resting it there, before he spoke. 

“Yeah. We should go talk to her.” The mechanic eventually said somewhat reluctantly. “I want to ask if there’s anything I should know that might help. I’m not a psychiatrist and I don’t trust the internet enough in that aspect.”

“That is a wise choice. The internet is a mass of contradiction and bad advice.” Dazai’s arms wrapped around Chuuya, and he let himself just enjoy the feeling. The redhead’s presence was grounding, and the fact that he didn’t seem to mind physical contact at all helped immensely. The brunette had never had someone in his life that he could just _touch_ whenever he needed to.

“You’re already helping, you know,” he murmured. “Just seeing your eyes and the way you held me earlier… no one’s ever accepted the scars like that. It made me feel, I don’t know, a little more human, a little more comfortable in my own skin. And holding you in general is just amazing. Thank you for that.”

“I’m just glad I help, that you found something that can ground you a bit.” Chuuya closed his eyes, relishing being there in that moment. They were going to have to go back by the infirmary - twice in two days. As much as Chuuya didn’t want to, it was for a good reason. Even if he wasn’t entirely sure Dazai was aware the redhead had no intention of asking Yosano anything about himself. He didn’t want to touch on that any more than he had to. It was like the more he thought about it, the worse it seemed.

“The internet can be good though. I have a collection of memes that can prove it.” Chuuya said jokingly before he pressed his face against the crook of Dazai’s neck. 

Dazai chuckled at that. “Memes and cat videos,” he said, kissing Chuuya’s hair. Twice. And then his neck, because it was just sitting there, looking inviting.

And then he pulled back, rather reluctantly. “We should probably go,” he said. “Otherwise I’m just going to sit here kissing you and we won’t get anything done.”

“I wouldn’t mind that.” Chuuya muttered, but he moved regardless, heading to his closet to switch out his jeans for something he could work in. Jeans weren’t exactly the best things to do that in. “But yeah, Tachihara and them are always sending me random things they find when they’re out doing stuff, so I have a selection. Cat videos are approximately a quarter of them. What do you think about them?”

“Heh. We’ll just have to go back to that later, then,” Dazai replied. “And I like cats, most of the time. Dogs, not so much. Just don’t bring up the topic around Fukuzawa. He’s obsessed with cats in general. And Atsushi tends to act very much like a giant cat at times, which makes sense, since he is one.” He opened his laptop as he spoke, grinning at the notification that popped up. 

“Our bed has been approved, comfy pillow top mattress and all. It should be here in a few days. Kouyou really does spoil you when she can, doesn’t she?” he said. The brunette set about transferring _Soukoku’s_ updated schematics to the workstation attached to the bay the Jaeger was now housed in, and set it to print hardcopies. It was easier to make corrections and notes that way. He debated just bringing the laptop, but decided the added distraction wasn’t worth it. Watching Chuuya work would be distracting enough.

The redhead grabbed a pair of sweatpants, tossing his jeans to the side- he was going to have to do laundry relatively soon- and threw them on before making his way over to the brunette.

“I guess so- I try not to ask her for too much since she’s always busy and everything and it’s not like I need much. Jaeger stuff gets almost automatically approved and I try to order my own bike parts and everything.” Chuuya stood behind Dazai, watching as he transferred the blueprints. “I should have markers and rulers and that sort of thing in my bay, so we can just bring those over until we stock yours, if you want.”

“No need. There should be a couple of boxes of things in the conn-pod. I kept most of the iterations of the design just for reference. I think there might be a few personal items I stashed in there too- my luggage space was kind of limited.” Dazai hit the last few keys and closed the laptop again. He took Chuuya’s hand, lacing their fingers together.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

“That makes sense.” Chuuya agreed as he led the way out of the room, never letting go of his partner’s hand. Once they were walking down the hall, he thought of something he’d planned to ask at some point. “Oh yeah, I don’t think I asked yet. What do you do for training? Like combat training.”

“Mmm. Wondered when you’d get to that.” Dazai thought for a second. “Fukuzawa insisted we all learn at least the basics for martial arts, but it’s not really my strong point. Odasaku and I were both much better with ranged weapons. And taking care of myself wasn’t really a priority for a while, so exercise beyond what basic training required wasn’t really a thing. It’s a little better now; if nothing else, helping train Atsushi forced me to practice a bit, but there’s a reason Fukuzawa was surprised to find me in the training room.”

“I don’t use any ranged weapons myself- I never really found the point in learning them.” The redhead shrugged. “We should probably hit the training room at some point though so we can learn a bit about how the other fights. Sure we can rely on each other to perform it, but I think it would be easier if we both had a starting point first.”

Chuuya then realized he had no idea how Dazai and Oda did things- how most partners did things in regards to different fields of knowledge. Did their knowledge have to overlap or could they have totally different fields of study and work it out? He’d never asked any of the pilots that and he couldn’t recall reading or hearing anything about it before.

“You wouldn’t even need a gun, would you?” Dazai mused. “You could just flick the bullet at someone. Huh. Same principle, different mechanism, and the gun does most of the work. Your way is less noisy, though. It’s alright. The theory, at least, should translate over the drift, and I’ll probably pick up some of your knowledge of martial arts. Muscle memory’s a different matter, but that’s just practice. If our link ends up going as deep as I think it will, even that won’t matter except for really complicated maneuvers.”

He shook his head briefly. “There’s a theory out there that reaching a perfect synch rate would link our minds together permanently, letting everything we know flow back and forth at the speed of thought. It’s a frightening hypothesis, but intriguing too. Especially for someone who really hates being alone in their own head.” The last sentence was quiet enough that Dazai might not have realized he’d actually said it aloud.

“But you wouldn’t be alone, would you?” Chuuya mused, tucking away the useful bits for later. The theory sounded interesting, but Dazai was right- it was a bit frightening. The ghost drift was one thing, but having somebody in your head all the time, seeing every thought that went through their head without being able to filter it? There seemed like there would be no privacy, and would you still have your sense of self? Just how much of you would meld at that point? The redhead shook his head, leaving off that train of thought for now.

“Still though, we should hit the training room at some point if only because we can’t get away with not going for much longer. How does Fukuzawa-sensei teach? I don’t know if we do the same styles, but he’ll probably still have a lot to pass on given that he held up to Ane-san.”

“Firm but fair when he’s teaching. He’s very good at finding a person’s strengths and building on them, no matter what style of combat they favor. Kunikida’s a little stricter, but he’s good as well, and also favors guns over blades. You’ll probably spar with him on occasion- he’s the best of us when it comes to combat, although Atsushi’s starting to catch up fairly quickly now that he’s gotten better at controlling his speed. Kyouka’s shown some promise with a blade too, but she’s still a novice.”

Dazai grinned. “We’re kind of a mishmash when it comes to skills, but he’s managed to teach us all something. Even Kenji, whose idea of combat was to beat things over the head with heavy objects.”

“How well did that work for him?” Chuuya asked, amused. The boy was fun, but perhaps a bit naive.

The brunette chuckled. "Badly, usually, but his aim's gotten better."

They walked for a moment, then Dazai asked, “What about the others here? You mentioned a Tachihara. Who else is stationed here?”

“There’s not too many of us here, I’m not sure why," Chuuya answered. "I’ve already told you about Tachihara and his partner, and there’s only one other pilot who stays here. Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. He’s still young, but he doesn’t have a partner yet either. Akutagawa-kun’s usually on the phone with his sister since she isn’t gifted, so she’s not on base. I think Ane-san might be trying to change that since they’re so young and only have each other but I don’t know what she's managed so far. He hasn’t been here long.”

Truth be told, he didn’t know much else about the raven-haired boy. He only knew that much because Ane-san had told him and apparently wanted him to try to befriend him, if only so Akutagawa-kun had somebody here. Chuuya hadn’t had much luck on that front. 

“Sounds like the Tanizakis. Fukuzawa’s Naomi’s legal guardian now- that’s how we got away with bringing her along. If the Akutagawas are orphans, maybe something similar would work in their case.” Dazai stopped walking as they arrived at the infirmary. He’d picked up unfamiliar voices inside, and they seemed to be headed their way.

“I don’t think they’ll let her, given her age and duties, and since I’m under her care too technically.” The redhead shrugged. Politics and legalities weren’t really his thing, especially when he was trying to navigate things that were still somewhat new. “You want to come in or go on ahead?”

Dazai leaned down and kissed him. “I’ll come in but let you talk to her alone, if you want. I need to tell her about this morning, too.”

He grimaced. “That’s part of our agreement. She doesn’t hound me too much about everything else, but I keep her informed when an episode hits so she can make sure I’ve come out of it okay.” The voices were closer now, and as he finished talking, three young men exited the infirmary. Two of them were older than he and Chuuya were, early twenties, probably. The other was a raven-haired teenager. _These must be the other pilots._

“Okay. Thank you for coming.” Chuuya told him as the others left the infirmary. “Hey guys. Tachihara, Tetchō, Akutagawa-kun, this is Dazai, my partner.”

He gestured to each as he named them so Dazai would know who was who, although he might have been able to puzzle it out based on clues. It was good manners to introduce them though. Chuuya tucked away the bit about the episodes, but didn’t remark on it. 

Dazai nodded a greeting, as did Akutagawa and Tetchō, but Tachihara gaped at him. “Dazai?” he asked, excitedly. “As in Dazai Osamu? _Flawless’s_ Dazai Osamu?”

The brunette nodded again. “That would be me, yes.” _Oh look, we found the fanboy. Lovely._

“Holy shit, Chuuya-kun. You finally snag yourself a partner and it’s fucking _Dazai._ Wait, does this have something to do with the Jaeger that arrived this morning? And all the new kids at lunch today?”

Akutagawa, meanwhile, was looking at their joined hands. He raised a questioning eyebrow at Chuuya, not wanting to break in on Tachihara’s excited rant. 

“You didn’t hear that the other Japan branch closed down?” Chuuya raised an eyebrow at the other redhead. He knew that the other had been out on leave with his partner, but that wasn’t exactly classified knowledge. Tachihara was more excited than Chuuya had thought he’d be though; even Tetchō was impressed by the look of it, and the brunette didn’t usually seem impressed with anything. “You may want to meet with some of them at some point; you may be working with them occasionally in training or something. There’s a few pilots in the mix, even if they’re young.”

“I apologize for my partner, Dazai-san, if he is overly… excitable.” Tetchō said evenly, a hint of apology in his voice. “No harm is meant by it, of course.”

“It’s alright Tetchō-san, I’m used to it. Although,” he said, his smile turning just the slightest bit wicked as he pulled the redhead closer, “I wouldn’t say Chuuya snagged me so much as _I_ snagged _him._ I was the one who sought him out, after all, and it worked out better than I could have ever hoped for. Best mechanic in the fleet, one of the most talented martial artists as well, and sexy as fuck to boot. I count myself lucky to have found him.” His voice went just a touch softer, more real, on the last sentence, and he let go of Chuuya’s hand to wrap that arm around his waist instead.

“Dazai, I’m not _that_ good.” The redhead said, although he didn’t pull away from the arm around his waist. “You haven’t even seen me fight yet.”

His face was red, his inability to prevent himself from blushing showing, and a part of him was certain this was part of his life now. Dazai was going to end up embarrassing him every chance he got, although whether it was to be obnoxious or to make Chuuya blush, he wasn’t sure. Chuuya still had a lot to learn in either field after all, although he wouldn’t deny that he looked good. He knew he did. 

“I think we were both lucky, honestly. You know how it is when you just sort of… click.” Chuuya made a vague gesture as he spoke. The other two had clicked pretty easily after all themselves - it had still taken some work, judging by the fights they had had, but everything settled eventually. 

“I’ve watched you train and you intrigued Fukuzawa. And I’ve seen your Jaeger. That’s good enough for me,” Dazai replied. Part of him reveled in Chuuya’s blush- could he get any more adorable?- and the rest watched the others’ reactions to their interplay. Tetchō was smirking a bit, Tachihara was gaping at them, and Akutagawa… seemed happy for them, and a bit jealous. Not of them personally, but of their bond. _The kid’s lonely_ , he thought. Not surprising, if his sister was off base. And Chuuya’d said he was a recent addition, so he probably hadn’t made many friends yet. 

He thought back over the dossiers he’d read in his search for a partner. The brunette had come across Akutagawa’s and rejected it, mostly because he was still incredibly young. At fifteen, he was just of age to pilot, and had just finished his initial training. The boy did have an incredible Ability, though. 

In fact…

“Akutagawa-kun,” he said, and the raven startled slightly at being addressed, “I read your file while I was looking for a partner. Your Ability is called Rashoumon, right? I haven’t seen it in action, but it sounds amazing. Can you demonstrate it for me?”

“Here? Are you certain?” the boy asked, skeptical. Most people didn’t go around asking to be skewered, after all, and his control wasn’t quite pinpoint yet. 

“I am.” Dazai let go of Chuuya, stepping to one side. 

Akutagawa shook his head. If the guy wanted to be stabbed, so be it. At least the infirmary was right there. “Alright. Rashoumon!” Several black tendrils sprung from his coat, aimed directly at Dazai’s arm and leg…

And disappeared in flashes of blue light as they touched his skin.

All three of the pilots in front of him were gaping now, Akutagawa especially. How?

Dazai just grinned. “Impressive attack. Of course, it couldn’t touch me any more than any other Ability can, but impressive nonetheless. I should introduce you to Atsushi. I think you’d be good sparring partners.”

_Any more than any other Ability can… of course._ “You’re a nullifier, aren’t you,” Akutagawa said, slightly impressed as well. Nullifying Abilities were vanishingly rare, and usually took effort. Dazai’s seemed to be automatic. Interesting. He didn’t know who this Atsushi was- probably one of the new kids that had come in from the other base- but if Dazai was recommending him it might be worth his while, finally. 

“I am. Good catch,” the brunette replied. He turned to Chuuya and grinned, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Anyway, it was nice to meet you all, but we need to talk to Yosano-sensei for a bit. If you’ll excuse us?”

The three in front of him nodded, Tachihara and Tetchō turning to say goodbye to Chuuya, while Akutagawa eyed them both thoughtfully, then murmured a goodbye and continued down the hall.

The redhead gave his farewells, moving back to stand by his partner. He wasn’t sure what to think of the display, but Dazai seemed to know what he was doing, as crazy as having somebody attack you in the middle of the hallway was. Chuuya just knew that Tachihara was going to question him about this later, but hopefully he caught up on the news first and met some of the others. 

“So why did you tell Akutagawa-kun to attack you in the middle of the hallway? I doubt you did it without a good reason. You’re too smart for that.” Chuuya asked Dazai as he opened the infirmary door, letting his partner walk in first.

“I knew Rashoumon couldn’t hurt me. Part of it was that I wanted to see if he’d actually do it. Most people wouldn’t, either because I’m a celebrity or they’re too afraid of getting in trouble.” He grinned. “Akutagawa’s a smart kid, his file showed that, and he’s not afraid to take a calculated risk. That’s a good quality in a Jaeger pilot. He’s also arrogant and something of a loner, which isn’t good if you’re looking to be paired with someone.”

Dazai stopped talking long enough to ask if Yosano was free, and the pair were directed to chairs to wait while she finished her current appointment. Once seated, he continued. “His Ability really is phenomenal, and with a little training he could be quite formidable. He just needs a good partner. Which is why I mentioned introducing him to Atsushi. Well, that, and Atsushi can make friends with just about anyone given the chance, but he lacks confidence. The kid has about a year and a half before he can legally pilot, but that’s okay.”

“So you want to see if they can Drift.” Chuuya realized as he sat down. “I don’t know much about either of them, but they might work together. I wonder if Ranpo-san and Kajii-san had thought about trying them together.” The redhead frowned, leaning back. “Both of them still need a lot of training too. I don’t think either of them have been in the program long, but if they become friends at least they won’t be alone for it. It can be tough.”

Anybody in the program was kind of stuck there, potentially for the rest of their lives. Most pilots lately came in young, and they could be killed any time they went out if something went wrong. That plus the fact it was a militaristic group, meant things could be a bit difficult. Chuuya made a note to pop by the kids more often than he had planned, at least until they settled in and found their footing. He and Dazai had dealt with this a while, there were probably some tips they could give to make things a bit easier. 

“Exactly.” Dazai sat back in the chair and closed his eyes, resting his head against the wall. His mask was instinctual, yes, but it was occasionally exhausting, especially when he had to deal with new people. And being reminded of _Flawless_ so soon after this morning had thrown him off again. He needed a moment to reset, and sitting here with Chuuya was as good a chance as any. The brunette reached out blindly to where he remembered the redhead’s hand being, and cheered silently when he found it. Chibi’s warmth was always welcome.

They sat there, more or less silent, for about fifteen minutes, until Yosano came out to fetch them. She ushered them back into her office. Once they were seated, she sat back and looked at both of them. “Okay, boys, what’s up? I didn’t expect to see you two so soon. Is everything okay?”

Dazai looked back at her and shook his head, and her expression softened. “Ah. Any idea what set it off? And are you alright?”

The brunette sighed. “We were talking at breakfast, and Naomi brought up that day. We were talking about her working here, it wasn’t random, but… yeah. We came back, and… I told Chuuya. About _everything._ ”

“I see. Did you…” The brunette nodded.”Ah. And you slept?”

“Yes. Two hours.” At that, Dazai smiled and looked at Chuuya. “Chuuya makes a very good pillow.”

“If you say so.” Chuuya rolled his eyes before he returned his attention to the doctor. “Obviously, you know everything that’s going on. I wanted to ask if there was anything specific I should know that might help - things to do, things not to do, that sort of thing. I’ve already asked Dazai, but I kinda figured I should ask you too. I want to help him, not hurt him, and you’re the best person to ask about it.” Chuuya hadn’t let go of Dazai’s hand nor did he plan to any time soon. 

“Well, I’d say you’re off a good start,” Yosano said. “Acceptance was the first step, and from the look of it, you had no problem with that. There isn’t really one specific treatment for this sort of thing. Avoiding triggers helps- in Dazai’s case, being reminded of his injuries can sometimes set it off. Sensory deprivation is another trigger. We’re not entirely sure why, but it’s possible it was a combination of the drift ending the way it did and him being too out of it to open the capsule on his own. Did he tell you about the ‘reboot’, as he calls it?”

She gave Chuuya a soft smile as the redhead nodded. “He won’t always be able to tell you when he’s shut down, but his behavior does change enough that you’ll learn to recognize it. When it happens, just get him somewhere quiet and do what you did today. Keeping up the mask is exhausting in that state, and I’ve seen him literally collapse after pushing it too far. Sleeping lets him rest and reset, so it’s essential, even if it’s just for an hour or so. Touch helps too; it’s grounding for him, and yours seems to be especially effective. Not that that’s terribly surprising, all things considered.”

The doctor quirked an eyebrow at Dazai, looking pointedly at the bandages on his arms, and the brunette nodded. Surprise flicked through her at that, although she supposed it shouldn’t have- if he’d showed Chuuya the injuries, everything else would have come out as well. The surprise, she thought, was more for the speed at which it had happened. For someone to win Dazai’s trust this quickly was unheard of. “On the really bad days,” she continued, “just keep an eye on him. Let me know, of course, but generally stay with him. Distraction is good- something as simple as cuddling and watching TV to keep his mind occupied works. As his doctor, I can excuse him from pretty much anything but a kaiju attack, which usually snaps him out of it anyway. And you won’t be dealing with those until _Soukoku’s_ ready and you’ve had some duo training.”

“Are there any other triggers you know of?” Chuuya asked once he’d taken in the knowledge, committing it to memory. It was likely inevitable that he’d need it at one point or another. “I’ll let you know if something happens, if he doesn’t that is.”

The two of them seemed to have a system - Dazai had mentioned letting Yosano-sensei know earlier, so he didn’t plan on interfering with that unless he had to. A lot of it seemed like common sense - if the environment caused it, remove him from the environment, problem solved. Ish. Temporarily. This gave him a plan of action though, something that was more than him grasping at straws trying to help. 

Dazai shook his head. “Nothing concrete that we’ve come across, although as I mentioned, triggers are weird. And it’s more the surgery than the injuries themselves, though one kind of leads to the other, I suppose. And to be fair, I only collapsed that time because we were in the middle of our third ten-hour hearing in four days and people kept _talking_ to me. If they’d left me alone I would’ve been fine.” 

The brunette grimaced at the memory. That entire week had been a nightmare. For some reason the powers that be had decided to hold an inquiry regarding Oda’s death. They’d forced Dazai, who’d only been out of his week-long coma for a few days, was still recovering from major internal injuries, and was mourning the loss of the only father he’d known, to come to Los Angeles for the hearing. Yosano had been the only reason he’d survived that trip, and she’d let the entire senior staff have an earful for putting him through that. Surprisingly she hadn’t gotten in trouble for it, either. 

Of course, it hadn’t hurt that Natsume Souseki had backed her up, either. Seeing him again had been the only decent part of that trip.

Idly, he wondered if Natsume-sensei knew he was back in the game. He probably did. That man knew almost everything.

_That man knew almost everything._

_Fuck. Could it be that easy?_

Dazai jolted upright, startling Chuuya and Yosano. He whipped out his phone and fired off a text to a number that maybe half a dozen people in the world even knew existed.

If anyone might know- or could find out- if what had happened to Chuuya was related to the program, it was him, after all.

The brunette looked up to see the other two staring at him. “Sorry,” he said with a slight grin. “I just thought of something and wanted to act on it before I forgot.”

“Okay then.” Chuuya shook his head a bit before he looked to Yosano. “Anything else I should know about?” If that was important, he’d learn about it later. The redhead also vowed to himself that he wasn’t going to let that sort of thing happen to Dazai again if he could help it. It just sounded ridiculous, but that was management for you, he supposed. He’d heard enough about that sort of thing from Ane-san. 

“Not unless you have something new on the panic attacks. I assume Dazai told you I’ll be watching your drift sessions for now?” The doctor looked at both of them. Ranpo had hinted at a breakthrough, but he hadn’t given her any details.

“He did mention something like that.” The redhead made a face as he pulled his feet up to the edge of the chair, resting the arm that wasn’t currently occupied on his knees. “Ranpo-san and Dazai came to a _conclusion_. The two of them and Kajii-sensei said that they were pretty sure the attacks were because I had trauma at some point. Apparently in the drift I had some oddities that they said were centered on the... amygdala?” Chuuya looked over to Dazai to make sure he had the right word, looking back to Yosano once he got a nod. “I don’t remember if it’s in my files, but I don’t have any memories before Ane-san took me in when I was 7 or so. So I guess if I did, it could have happened then?”

Chuuya wasn’t really sure what he was expecting when he told the doctor, but this time he was prepared for the feelings that told him to drop it. They weren’t accompanied by the same restlessness as before, but he didn't like them any more for it.

“Most likely, if that’s the case. Something to do with drifting, though what could’ve caused that at such a young age…” Yosano trailed off as she thought, and watched Chuuya’s eyes as they spoke. He looked… frustrated, but there was something else too, very much like fear. 

“Chuuya, what’s going through your head when we talk about this? Anything odd?” she asked quietly.

Dazai looked up at that, glancing between the two of them, wondering what he’d missed.

“I don’t know what you mean by odd,” Chuuya admitted. “I feel like I don’t want to have this conversation, like it’s something I _shouldn’t_ be having. I don’t _want_ to know. I just want to keep living like I had, not like… I don’t know, like something changed and I don’t know what.” The teen leaned toward Dazai, their hands resting on the arms of the chairs, pressing against him as best he could in their separate chairs. He had latched onto Dazai quickly and he wasn’t sure why, but the brunette helped in a way. “It doesn’t make sense.”

 _I wonder if the conversation itself is a trigger?_ Yosano asked herself, taking in Chuuya’s posture and growing distress. _It’s not impossible, if this is what I think it might be._

“Okay. Last question, and then we’ll stop talking about this. And you don’t have to answer right away, just think about it when you’re able to do so calmly. The feeling you have- the one that says not to even think about what happened to you- is it _yours_ , or does it feel like it’s coming from someone else?”

Chuuya’s breathing hitched and he froze, his thoughts suddenly racing and blanking at the same time. Somebody else - how could they come from somebody else isn’t there just one person in someone’s head unless they were crazy? It wasn’t like he heard voices in his head or anything. The redhead was frozen in time until something moved in his peripheral and everything faded in the blink of an eye. 


	12. A-kun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Dissociative identity disorder, mentions of past medical experimentation. The episode ends at the first line of asterisks. (*)

Dazai blinked as Chuuya froze at Yosano’s question. The redhead’s eyes were panicked, then went _blank_ , and he bolted from the room.

“Fight or flight response,” Yosano said. “Go after him, but don’t corner him. Not until it wears off.” 

“Right.” Then Dazai was out the door. Chuuya was out of sight already, but there were only a few places he’d be. _Someplace safe. Our room, his garage… or the bays. His Jaeger._

Sighing, he took off for the bays.

Fifteen minutes later, he was crouched outside the conn-pod of Chuuya’s Jaeger, watching as his partner cowered in the corner. “Chuuya,” he said quietly. “Chuuya, it’s okay. You’re safe. Come back to me, love.”

The redhead pushed back further into the crevice he had found, ignoring the sharp edges digging into his back. Where was he? He didn’t know, but it felt safer, felt better than where he had been, even a bit familiar. The voice outside sounded vaguely familiar in the same way that the place he was in felt, as though maybe he'd forgotten them? The voice said he was safe, called him ‘Chuuya’ like it was his name. Or maybe the voice wasn’t talking to him? He hadn’t heard another voice but maybe… The redhead pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them, making himself as small as possible.

“You’re not Chuuya right now, are you?” Dazai mused. _Split personality? That would explain what I felt in his head…_ He kept his voice quiet, making himself as nonthreatening as possible. “What’s your name, love?”

Name? Name - what was he called? What did they call him? Why was the voice staying out there and just… talking? They never talked to him, unless it was an order or to tell him he’d done something wrong. They never asked him questions and actually waited for an answer. Who was this voice and what did it want from him? The voice must be talking to him - nobody had answered the question.

“I’m going to move just a little bit so you can see me, okay? You don’t have to move, don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I just want to talk to you, and it’ll be easier if we can see each other, okay?” Dazai waited for the other to answer- it wasn’t Chuuya, not his Chuuya, but it was still a part of him, and he didn’t want the other to hurt himself trying to get away.

Why would the voice want to see him? Why would it make it easier? He wasn’t sure, but the voice kept _asking_ things and didn’t seem mad when he didn’t say anything. He knew what they called him now - why did it take so long to remember? What did the voice want from him?

“Still not talking, huh.” Dazai kept his tone light, soft, like talking to a scared child. He had a feeling that was exactly what he was doing. Suddenly, he was reminded of the first time they’d met Atsushi. The tiger had responded much like this; it had taken him and Fukuzawa hours to get him to trust them enough to talk. He was prepared to do that again, if he had to.

_Chuuya, what did they do to you?_

“Alright, you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. I’m going to come in and sit right inside the door. I’m not going to touch you, or even come near you unless you want me to.” He suited his actions to his words, moving slowly, moving just to the side of the entrance and sitting back down with his back to the wall. Chuuya was in view, and it shredded something inside him to see the fear and confusion in his eyes.

“My name is Dazai, by the way.”

The redhead watched the brunette move in, back still pressed against the wall. His eyes flickered between the teen and the opening in the wall between them, gaping wide open. He wasn’t trapped, not when the other was all the way over there. He didn’t know this ‘Dazai’ but he wasn’t as old as they were. Dazai couldn’t be one of them - they all wore long white coats and carried around clipboards and Dazai wasn’t. He wore bandages - was he like him? But Dazai had a name like them, not like him. Was this another test? 

_Poor kid. They really broke you, huh, love. Whoever they are, I hope they’re dead, because I’m going to see them burn otherwise._ Dazai very carefully kept the anger hidden behind his mask. If there was one good thing about living a charade, it was being able to show exactly what he wanted to on his face. It was obvious that whoever Chuuya was right now, he didn’t even recognize the name, which meant this persona went back years. Probably a decade. Which meant they were right.

_Fuck._

Alright. Just like Atsushi, then.

He leaned his head back against the wall, getting at least marginally comfortable.

“It’s quiet here, isn’t it? Mind if I just hang out a bit? Having people talk at you all the time gets tiring. Sometimes it’s nice to just be quiet. So, we don’t have to talk. I’m just going to sit here and relax and enjoy not having to be around anyone else for a while.” 

And that’s exactly what he did. Dazai closed his eyes, letting his hearing track the other’s breathing and movement, such as it was.

The two of them sat in silence for a while. He wasn’t sure what was going on. This didn’t feel like a test, not anymore. Dazai didn’t talk like anybody else did, and he wore bandages, and this wasn’t his room. This place wasn’t familiar at all and he knew the rooms they took him to by now. It was always the same ones. 

He still didn’t trust Dazai, but…

“A5158.”

Dazai’s eyes opened as the other spoke. The voice was high, childish, scared, but…

_A5158. A damn experiment number._

He moved his head just enough to look the other in the eyes. “A5158, huh. Nice to meet you. How old are you, kiddo? And can I just call you A-kun?”

“Six…?” He trailed off, a little unsure. They had read off his information at times; that sounded about right. He wasn’t sure what to think of being addressed like that though. None of them had done that to him even if he’d heard it sometimes. He didn’t meet the other’s gaze, even if he’d kept his eyes on the other. Eventually the redhead shrugged a tiny bit in answer, unable to come to a decision.

“Six. That’s a good age. At least, I think it is. I don’t really remember being six.” That was something he’d never admitted to anyone besides Oda. Dazai wasn’t entirely sure why that was, but he had his theories. Maybe one day he’d even pursue them. It didn’t really matter. 

“So, A-kun. You can move, if you want. It can’t be comfortable pressed up against bare metal like that. If you go about a meter to your left there’s even a blanket, I think.”

The redhead watched him a little longer before flicking his eyes over to his left - there was a blanket, and he went back to watching Dazai before he slowly made his way over. The blanket was soft and a little worn in places, but it was another layer between him and the fairly cold metal once he’d draped it over his shoulders, tugging the ends over himself. He hadn’t realized it was kinda cold until then.

He was fairly certain now that Dazai wasn’t one of them. None of them would have given him a blanket or waited this long for so little. That didn’t mean he was automatically good, just that he wasn’t one of them.

“Who are you?”

_Gods, what a question. I’m your lover, your boyfriend, your partner, but you don’t know any of that. You’re in a strange place with a strange person. And scared. But I think you’re starting to trust me, a little._

“I’m someone who wants to be your friend, if you’ll let me. I’m not going to hurt you, or do anything to you that you don’t want me to. I just want to keep you safe and happy.”

He made himself comfortable as he thought about that. Keep him safe? Happy? Why? All they had ever done was order him around and do things that hurt. Was this all a ploy by Dazai? It didn’t seem like it - he’d never seen this place before and the brunette had been so calm about everything so far. There had been plenty of time for the other to do _something_ and he hadn’t.

Maybe he was telling the truth.

“True?”

Dazai smiled gently. “True, A-kun.”

“Ok.” Nodding once to himself, he settled back against the wall. He was suddenly tired, probably from the running earlier, and sleep sounded good. Dazai had had time to try something. If he wasn’t going to, maybe sleep was safe around him. The redhead yawned before he closed his eyes. “Night.”

“Goodnight, kiddo. Sleep tight.” _Alright. Let’s see who you are when you wake up, love._

Dazai waited until the redhead’s breathing had evened out and he was fully asleep before sighing quietly and pulling out his phone to text Yosano.

_ >Found him pretty much right away. You were right.< _

_ >Personality split? Are you two okay?< _

_ >Yeah. Took a bit to get him to trust me. Reverted to 6, calls himself A5158.< _

_ >Well, fuck. That explains the tattoo. What’s he doing now?< _

_ >Sleeping. Going to stay with him until he wakes up.< _

_ >Don’t tell anyone yet. Wait. What tattoo< _

_ >On the back of his neck. It’s small and kind of faint< _

_ >Of course not. Confidentiality is a thing, even on a military base.< _

_ >Take care of him.< _

_ >Ofc< _

_Take care of him. Like I could do anything else._

Dazai put the phone away, leaned back and stretched his legs out, and let himself fall into a light doze. He’d still hear the redhead if he woke up, but he had a feeling it was going to be a long night, and a little extra sleep wouldn’t hurt.

*****************

Chuuya woke with a start, one hand going to rub his eyes as he looked around. He’d fallen asleep in his Jaeger? He hadn’t done that in ages, and why was Dazai across the pod? The brunette was just sitting there, looking at him. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t even remember getting into the Jaeger, just talking to Yosano-sensei, then.... Nothing.

“Dazai? Why are we here?”

The brunette looked him over, then sighed. He’d spent a good bit of the last hour awake, attempting to figure out how to answer that exact question without spooking Chuuya again. “That’s a bit of a story. What’s the very last thing you remember, Chibi?”

“We were… talking to Yosano-sensei.” He frowned, tapping his finger as he thought. “We got onto the subject of my panic attacks and she was asking questions… Then that’s it.” 

Chuuya had no idea how long he’d been asleep here, but by the growling in his stomach it was approaching a meal, if not past it. Hadn’t it only been early afternoon?

“Thought so. Apparently the conversation flipped a switch for you, to put it succinctly.” Dazai stood and stretched- he’d been sitting for nearly four hours at that point, and was rather stiff. After doing so, he walked over and knelt next to Chuuya, taking one hand in his to ground them both.

“Do you remember when we were talking to Ranpo, and I told you I’d sensed something in your head during that panic attack? Something that wasn’t quite you?”

Chuuya crossed his legs so he was sitting pretzel style, his attention focused on his partner. 

“Yeah. I think it kinda got lost under everything else, but you mentioned it.”

“I think it was a combination of the setting and the conversation, but it breached that wall in your head for a bit. I…”

Dazai sighed, and pressed his forehead to Chuuya’s. “I’ve spent the past hour trying to find a good way to say this, and there isn’t one. Whatever happened to you, whatever caused that trauma, it was bad enough to split off a part of your psyche. There’s another… personality, for lack of a better word, locked up behind that wall. This may be the first time it’s ever come to the forefront, though. I’m fairly certain I’m the first person it’s talked to in years. But, I’m pretty sure that’s what’s been causing your panic attacks, along with everything else.”

Chuuya leaned into Dazai, letting the presence of his partner fill part of his mind so he could sort through what he was saying. It took a moment, maybe a few actually, before he responded. 

“So you’re saying that there’s another sort of me inside my head who’s pretty much never gotten to talk to anyone and they took control of me. Are they the reason…” The redhead trailed off before he slumped a bit. There was still so much he didn’t know and he still didn’t want to but it was beginning to look like he would have to. “Did you tell Yosano-sensei already?”

Dazai nodded. “Not everything. Just enough to let her know you were safe and with me, and that our theories were right. It won’t go any farther than her, though. Not unless you give her permission.”

He shifted, sitting so he could pull Chuuya into his lap and hold him for a little while. “It’s getting late,” he said eventually, “and I doubt you want to be around a bunch of people right now. Why don’t we go back to our room, order delivery, and cuddle for a while? We don’t have to talk about this right now if you’re not up to it.”

_Besides. Now I have a file number to go off of. I_ will _find out what happened to you. I owe you that much already._

“I think Ane-san needs to know.” Chuuya sighed, going limp against his partner gratefully. Technically he was still a minor and she was his guardian. His mind was still a little fuzzy, maybe sleep addled, if he were honest. “I don’t know. Going to our room and not having to deal with people sounds _really_ good.”

His stomach was rumbling, but Chuuya couldn’t really find it in himself to care about that at the moment. All he wanted to do was sit with Dazai and not have to deal with it. So much had changed in just a few days and now he was different and why did this have to happen all at once.

“We were already planning on tea with her tomorrow. We can tell her then,” Dazai said emphatically. “You aren’t in a place to think about this coherently. Food and sleep will do wonders. Trust me on this.” This wasn’t all that different from coming out of one of his episodes. The hour nap Chuuya’d taken had let him reset back into himself, but that kind of mental flip- he remembered the first few times it had happened to him. It had been all he could do to get out of bed the next day. 

“Food, cuddles, mindless TV, and sleep. Listen to the person who’s dealt with mental health issues for a decade, okay? I’ve been researching this as a possibility since our drift. We’re not going to solve it in a day. But I am going to be here for you, just like you were there for me this morning. Everything else can wait.”

“Okay.” Chuuya let himself be comfortable for another minute before he sighed and pushed himself up. He’d think about this later. Right now he’d listen to Dazai, who at least had experience with issues like this. “Let’s go. It’s not going to get any warmer out here.” 

“True.” Dazai climbed to his feet, then took Chuuya’s hand. “Hey. I love you, you know. That’s not going to change. No matter what happens, you’re my Chuuya.”

Chuuya’s eyes widened as he pulled himself up by Dazai’s hand, pulling the other close. He hesitated barely a second before he stretched up and pressed his lips to Dazai’s for a quick moment as a silent thanks.

“I love you too, Osamu.” The redhead said quietly as he looked at the man who he’d known for only a few days but loved so much more than he’d thought possible. He hadn’t known it or what it was at first, but he’d figured it out.

Dazai’s smile was possibly the most genuine one he’d ever shown, and it was soft, gentle, and one he’d never thought lived inside him. “Come on, love,” he said. “Pizza awaits, if that suits. Do you have a favorite shop?”

They talked softly all the way back to their room. Pizza was ordered and devoured, mostly by Chuuya, who found food a lot more enticing once it was in front of him. Satiated and tired, the redhead lay curled up in Dazai’s arms as the two watched American movies. It was a much-needed time of peace after the events of the day.

Dazai watched Chuuya far more than he did the movies. He’d seen most of them anyway, and only really looked up for the really good action scenes or bits of dialogue. It was alright. Chuuya was more beautiful than anything on the screen, and he was _here_ and _real_ and _Dazai’s_. Yeah, the redhead was a little broken. That’s okay, so was he. And that was alright too.

Whatever happened, they’d be there for each other. In the end, that was all that really mattered.

****************************

The drift the next morning went better than either of them expected, after the previous day’s events.

In fact, it went better than their first one had, if the fact that Ranpo was waiting for them, grinning and practically jumping up and down with papers clenched in his hand was any indication.

Dazai felt better as well. This time he recognized the ghost drift for what it was, and being able to _feel_ Chuuya on the other end of their link was exhilarating and comforting at the same time. And Chuuya felt-

-remarkably calm, all things considered. _Huh._

“Alright, Ranpo. What do you have for us?” Dazai’s tone was light and almost as cheerful as he actually felt.

“Once again, you’ve defied my projections,” the raven huffed, looking both annoyed and pleased at that statement. “The data’s only preliminary, but were you aware your drift was pretty much instantaneous? We almost missed it- the only reason we knew it had happened was the readings. And your synch rate was at 96 percent from about 5 seconds in. It’s almost like your minds were just _waiting_ for this.”

“I think we were both eager to drift again, kinda.” Chuuya said with a shrug. Drifting itself was still amazing, it was the aftereffects he had a feeling he wasn’t going to like. He had noticed No Longer Human’s effect on him this time and now that he’d known what to expect, he was hoping things weren’t going to go quite so… off this time. The redhead doubted everything was fixed now - the drift wasn’t magic and given it was usually the drift itself that was an issue… He would think about that later. Again.

“Eager is a good word, I think,” Dazai agreed. It may be just a tad selfish on his part (more than a tad, really, if he was willing to be truly honest with himself. Which he wasn’t entirely sure was the case) but he had been looking forward to drifting again almost since the last one had ended. He couldn’t help it, really. Chuuya was a rush in all sorts of ways.

His thoughts were disrupted as his phone buzzed in his pocket. The brunette checked it out of habit, and his eyes went wide as he saw the name on the caller ID. “Hang on a second, Ranpo, Chuuya. I need to take this.”

Wandering to an alcove on one side, he took the call.

“Hello, sir.” Dazai kept his voice low to keep it from carrying in the bay.

_“Hello, lad. I was surprised to get your message. It’s been a while since you’ve contacted me. What can I do for you?”_ The voice on the other end of the line was firm but kind, exactly the way he remembered it, and Dazai let out a breath.

“I’ve come across a bit of a puzzle, and I was hoping you could fill in a piece or two, since it has to do with the drift program.”

_“Ah? What kind of puzzle?”_

“A sticky one. Sensei, I’m going to be blunt here. Were there any illegal or unethical experiments on children about a decade ago that involved the Jaeger program?”

There was silence on the other end for a moment. _“May I ask what brought that question up?”_

“I think my new drift partner may have been the subject of one or more of them. He doesn’t remember them, but there are… signs, and some things have come up that definitely point to experimentation.”

_“I see. What’s your partner’s name?”_

“Nakahara Chuuya. Although,” Dazai said, his voice dropping even lower, “he may be referenced as A5158.”

There was silence on the other end again, this time long enough that Dazai thought the call might have dropped. “Sir?”

The voice responded, and there was banked anger and resignation mixed with caution in it. _“I’m here. I’m sending you information and access codes for a database that you_ really _shouldn’t have access to, but that’s nothing new for you, is it? Just… be careful, lad. If I’m right in remembering this, you’re not going to like what you find there.”_

Dazai huffed a slightly bitter laugh at that. “I kind of figured that already. I’ll be careful. I always am.”

_“I know. If I may ask a question of my own, why is this so important to you? I understand that he’s your partner, and that means a lot to you, but you usually don’t care enough to dig this deep on your own.”_

“Yeah, well, Chuuya’s the exception to pretty much all of my rules, sir. He’s… special. Really special.” Dazai sighed. “I’m in love with him. I’ve told him almost everything. And… he loves me back. It’s been less than a week, and it feels like we’ve always been together, like he’s the half I’ve been missing. I don’t know how else to explain it. But, whatever they did to him, it’s majorly fucked with his head. And I want to know what it was so I can help him.”

 _“I see.”_ The voice was startled, but there was approval and fondness in there too. _“Alright. Good luck, Dazai-kun.”_

“Thank you, Natsume-sensei. For everything.”

 _“You’re welcome.”_ Natsume ended the call, and Dazai let out a breath.

_Finally. I owe you one, sensei._

He took a second to gather himself. Chuuya could probably read what he was feeling, but not the cause. That was okay. Once he’d taken a look at the database, he’d figure out how much to explain. At least with them linked, he’d be able to sense if Chuuya was getting too agitated and back off.

The brunette walked out of the alcove and rejoined the others. “Sorry about that,” he said. “Did I miss anything?”

“Not really,” Chuuya responded, shrugging a bit. The two of them had made a bit of small talk while the other had stepped away, but there wasn’t much to talk about. They didn’t really know each other yet, and the only major interaction the two of them had had was when Ranpo and Kajii had told him that he had trauma. Everything else had been buffered by Dazai - even that had. 

“Who was on the phone?” 

“An old friend,” Dazai said. “One who taught me most of what I know about information retrieval, among other things. I _was_ surprised he called. Usually he doesn’t like to do that, especially since there’s a sixteen hour time difference between here and California.”

The brunette grinned. “I’d name drop, but he asked me not to, at least not in public. But, he may have given me a way to find some, if not all, of the answers to that issue we were discussing the other day.”

“Okay?” Chuuya’s brow furrowed, but he dropped the topic for the moment. Maybe he’d explain it when they weren’t in public, since that seemed to be the issue. “So you need to do some more digging?”

“Yeah. And I may have the right place to look, finally. If my friend is right, I could have answers today.” He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about that. On one hand, solving the mystery may lead to a way to help Chuuya at least start to heal from whatever trauma had caused the split in the first place. On the other, being confronted with his past may just make it worse. He was going to have to be careful no matter what he found.

But if it could help that scared little kid that Chuuya had been, it was worth it.

“Regardless,” he said, shaking off that line of thought, “you have a match with Fukuzawa this afternoon. Which means we need to change and let you get your head in the game, as it were. And afterward, tea with Kouyou-san.”

Ranpo grinned. “I almost forgot that was today,” he said. “It’s been a while since we’ve really gotten to see Fuku-san go all out. Hope you’re up to it, Chuuya-kun.”

Chuuya shook his head as he turned his thoughts to the upcoming match. The instructor had definitely seemed a touch formidable as he had fought Ane-san, but now that he thought about it, the match sounded fun. Sure his skills were probably nowhere near Fukuzawa-sensei’s but that just meant he would know what he had to improve. He’d stagnated a bit lately, since the only ones trained in martial arts had been deployed elsewhere or otherwise unavailable for a while. 

“Oh I have no doubt he’s going to beat me easily. I just hope I can get a few points in.” The redhead grinned back as he looked to the raven. “Are you going to watch?”

“Of course. I think most of us are going to be there. Kunikida’s refereeing, by the way, since he’s Fuku-san’s assistant. He’s a stickler for the rules, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s been studying up on your preferred style so he knows the legalities, so don’t worry too much there.”

“So he’ll be reliable. Good.” Chuuya was glad that apparently Kunikida took his duties seriously - it meant Fukuzawa-sensei chose his assistant seriously. “Having an audience will be interesting though. I don’t know if anybody here besides maybe Tachihara, his partner, and Ane-san would be interested.”

“Kouyou wouldn’t miss it, I think,” Dazai said thoughtfully. “Especially not after their match the other day. It’ll be fun, either way. Regardless, let’s get out of these suits. We’ll see you there, Ranpo.”

“Right. See you two later!” Ranpo gave them a lazy sort of wave, and turned to leave, still gripping his papers.

“Not if she could help it.” Chuuya agreed, although he was all-too-aware of how busy she was normally and how things could come up. “See you later, Ranpo-san.”

“So what now?” Chuuya led the way out of the conn-pod, helmet propped on his hip. He was pretty sure No Longer Human was still in effect, but when it wore off, he wasn’t sure what would happen. Was he going to have another panic attack or…?

“Now we change, and I keep an eye on you for a bit. If you have another negative reaction, there’s time to reschedule the match. If not,” he said, taking Chuuya’s free hand and squeezing it as they walked, “we hang out, grab some lunch, and let you psych yourself up. I can feel you in the back of my mind. I should know immediately if you start spiraling.”

He shifted his grip, lacing their fingers together. “Either way, I’m right here. I’ve got you, okay?”

Chuuya couldn’t help but relax at Dazai’s assurances. He was putting a lot of trust in the brunette, and Dazai had given him no reason not to. The redhead could only hope that his partner felt the same way. 

“Okay.” The redhead smiled and held Dazai’s hand, squeezing it back as best he could with their fingers laced. “Let’s go get changed.” 

It wasn’t as bad, this time. 

They’d changed and were on their way back to their room, since it was a little early for lunch. One moment they were talking normally, then… Dazai felt the change in Chuuya’s emotions, and managed to find an open room for them to duck into. The room was a lounge of some sort, and he got the redhead seated on a chair. He knelt in front, holding Chuuya’s face in one hand.

This time, the barrier held, and the panic didn’t reach him.

This time, it lasted six minutes instead of ten. Six minutes of Dazai speaking gently, of Chuuya’s eyes locked onto his, of long fingers stroking the other’s cheek as he slowly calmed under the touch.

This time, he felt that _presence_ clearly. It seemed to be… waiting. Watching.

_Does it recognize me? Or is it just waiting to see what I’ll do?_

Eventually, that sense faded. Chuuya’s eyes refocused and his breathing steadied, and his emotions righted themselves.

“Hey, love. Are you alright?”

“I’m… okay.” The redhead said slowly as he found his emotional footing again. It really hadn’t been as bad as normal, but that didn’t really make it any better. Dazai was kneeling in front of him, concern in his eyes and his mind, and Chuuya laid a hand over the one on his cheek, the other reaching out to settle on the brunette’s hip. “That didn’t seem like it was as much as usual.”

Chuuya had never managed to drift with the same person twice, so maybe it would get better from here? He couldn’t help but hope so. 

“It wasn’t as bad as last time. Or as long. I think…” He sighed, moving the uncovered hand to brush a stray hair away from Chuuya’s eyes. “I think the other personality recognizes me now. It felt like it was just waiting to see if it needed to protect you. I don’t know what it decided, but the fact that it didn’t take over completely is a good sign, I think.”

Dazai stood, pulling Chuuya to his feet. “Come on. Let’s get back to the room so you can rest a bit, okay?”

“Sure. I wish I knew.” He sighed. None of them seemed to know much of anything about what was in his head - Dazai had called it an alternate personality, but they hadn’t really discussed anything about it. At least Yosano-sensei already knew about it. Maybe once they had some time they’d have to sit down and discuss it. 

“I guess we should talk about that at some point. You talked with them- him? Them? Right?”

“Him. Yeah. Although I did most of the talking. I think he actually said a total of eight words, but it was enough.” Dazai started them walking back to the room. They weren’t far at this point, only a couple of corridors away, but he wanted privacy for this. “Most of the time was just sitting and waiting to find out if he was going to decide to trust me or not. It’s actually not the first time I’ve found myself in that situation, which helped a bit.”

The redhead followed Dazai’s lead, thinking about what that might mean. The other part of him was apparently untrusting - not surprisingly if it did stem from some sort of trauma. There wasn’t really anything else he could think of that it told him, but there was time for that. Probably. Chuuya didn’t really know what he was doing with this. 

“Was the first time Atsushi-kun or one of the kids?” The redhead asked after a moment. It would make sense. 

“Atsushi. The headmaster had broken him to the point that he was terrified of interacting with anyone. Fukuzawa and I sat with him for almost six hours before he’d even tell us his name. It took a full day to get him to leave the cell they were keeping him locked up in.” He controlled the remembered rage in his voice, but he couldn’t keep it from flaring over the drift. It was one of the few times in his life he’d been truly angry, and only Fukuzawa’s presence had kept him from going back and killing the man.

“Once we got him out of there and somewhere safe, he blossomed, though. It took a while, and a hell of a lot of therapy, but he’s gotten to the point where if it weren’t for the scars and occasional flashbacks, you wouldn’t even know he’d gone through all that. And as for the headmaster…” Dazai’s smile was vengeful. “He and most of his staff ended up in prison. And he’ll never get out again.”

“I bet he’d glad he had you during everything.” Chuuya said, pulling Dazai closer by the hand as they approached their room. “You and Fukuzawa-sensei and everybody else gave him somewhere so much better then where he’d been. I’m glad they ended up in prison. They don’t deserve to get out.”

He didn’t blame the other for his anger - how could he? Atsushi-kun had been - still was - just a kid. It hadn’t been that long at all. They’d done a hell of a job getting him to open up so much in less than a year. 

“Yeah.” Dazai followed the pull, freeing his hand and wrapping the arm around Chuuya’s waist instead once he was close enough. As always, having Chuuya this close felt wonderful, and he placed a kiss on top of the other’s head as Chuuya unlocked the door and opened it.

“Hey,” he said, leading the redhead to the bed and pulling him down to sit next to him. “Two questions before we start talking. Are you going to be okay for the match later? And how much do you want to know about what I’ve found out so far? Because most of what I have is speculation right now.”

Chuuya flopped back onto the bed, thinking. He was pretty sure he would be okay for the match - it was a skills assessment, not a tournament, and it was still a few hours away. That just left the other question. How much _did_ he want to know? A good bit of him didn’t even want to think about the fact that he had trauma, let alone discuss it, but he couldn’t bury his head in the sand forever. They were going to have to deal with it at some point or another.

“I should be good for the match - we’re only going to be testing skills, not doing a tournament style bout or anything. As for what you’ve found so far… You might as well tell me. It might not be concrete, but it’s better than having no idea whatsoever.” He eventually sighed, closing his eyes.

“Alright, but if I feel you even start to freak out I’m stopping.” Dazai rose briefly, walking over to snag his laptop off the desk. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, smiling briefly as he saw the notification there. Bringing both back to the bed, he sat, then scooted up enough to be able to sit cross-legged. He booted up the computer, using the time to figure out exactly where to start.

“Okay. Let’s start with the other personality, then. He’s a child of about six, but the name he gave wasn’t a name. It was a number.”

The redhead thought about that for a minute. If the other personality was six and had all of the memories of the time before he met Ane-san… He was _young_. Briefly, he wondered if there was a possibility he wasn’t actually what was supposed to be the main personality before he buried that thought. That wasn’t helpful at the moment. The other self inside him though didn’t even have a name, just a number.

Chuuya was reminded of one of the books he had read where people had also been named numbers - because they had been experiments.

He didn’t like the connotations that brought to mind.

“He needs a name. I’m not calling him that.” Chuuya said decisively, putting one arm over his eyes. “I know he’s… not an ‘actual person’ but still.”

“I felt pretty much the same way. He let me call him A-kun, since that’s what the designation started with. I think it startled him to be asked in the first place.” Dazai had been typing away as Chuuya thought, glancing between the laptop and phone screens, then grinned viciously as something beeped. “Hah. Got in. Good. Thank you sensei.” 

He clicked something, and there was another beep, then more typing. “Alright. Just so you know, I’m breaking about six different international laws right now, but if I’m right, this database will give us some answers.”

What exactly required Dazai to break international laws, and why his partner knew how to do that, Chuuya questioned, but he didn’t ask them aloud. Questions were just piling up and Dazai would eventually answer at least a few of them. Hopefully. Although Chuuya didn’t expect him to reference a sensei of his. 

“Okay, so A-kun. At least we have a name.” The redhead said quietly. It had startled A-kun to be asked for a name, Dazai had had to win his trust, and he had to break international laws to learn anything about it. He didn’t like where this was heading.

Dazai could feel Chuuya’s confusion, and decided to answer at least one of his probable questions while he searched the database. “Yeah. Alright, brief off-topic history lesson. We’re digging into your past, it’s only fair after all.”

Another bout of typing. “I wasn’t originally supposed to be part of the pilot program. I didn’t even know I had an Ability until a few months after I joined, and I found that out by accident. When I first joined, they wanted me for intelligence work. I have a...talent for hacking and database manipulation. Always have, ever since I can remember, although I can’t recall where I actually learned it. So, I spent six months in Los Angeles studying with one of the best hackers in the world. You might know his name for a totally different reason, though.”

He looked up, then. “My sensei is Natsume Soseki. That’s who called me earlier.”

Chuuya peeked one eye open and moved his arm just enough to peer at his partner. 

“The director of the entire Jaeger program called you and you’ve studied with him in the field he left behind to become director,” he said somewhat disbelievingly because what the fuck. 

“Exactly. He’s the one I texted yesterday while we were talking to Yosano. We actually ended up becoming pretty good friends while I was studying with him. I had a feeling that what happened to you was tied to the program somehow, and if anyone was going to know something about it, it was going to be Natsume-sensei. He sent me info on a top-secret military database, along with access codes. My clearance is still pretty high, but this…”

Dazai cut himself off, and his hands flexed on the keyboard as a file appeared on his screen.

_Experiment A5158, aka Nakahara, Chuuya._

_Current Age: 6 Sex: M Heritage: Irish/Japanese_

_Mother: Nakahara, Yuuki, deceased_

_Father: Beckett, Samuel, deceased_

_Ability: Gravity manipulation_

_Purpose: Ability duplication/transference._

_Secondary purpose: Study of short- and long-term effects of forced drift in young children._

_Head researchers: Rimbaud, Arthur, Verlaine, Paul_

“Yeah. I can see why they didn’t want anyone seeing this.”

Chuuya reached his free hand over to Dazai, resting on the brunette’s leg. He wasn’t sure why the other had suddenly started feeling incredibly pissed off, and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know why if it was enough to do such a thing to his partner, but Chuuya was also somewhat sure that he probably should know. The redhead closed his eyes again and relaxed as best he could. 

“Didn’t want anybody seeing what?” Chuuya asked as evenly as possible despite the mounting dread. 

“Well, I have a feeling I know why A-kun panics during drifts. And were you aware you’re half Irish, chibi? Nakahara’s your mother’s name. Also, you were a really cute kid.” The light tone was forced and he knew it, but the alternative was rage, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to control it if he started down that road. After a lifetime with little to no emotions, control was something he hadn’t had to learn. But this… well, he’d always been a quick study.

Dazai took a moment before reading the rest. He moved slightly, putting himself in a spot to let Chuuya see the screen if he wanted to. It also let the redhead curl up next to him, which was grounding in its own way.

“Huh. Everybody else thought otherwise. I guess I learned French for no reason then.” Chuuya weakly joked back as he made himself comfortable curling into Dazai although he avoided looking at the screen. If Dazai minded filtering the data, Chuuya was pretty sure he’d say something. Or Chuuya could figure it out. Something. 

“Why does he panic?” The redhead asked quietly, although his gut told him it wasn’t going to be information he really wanted to know.

“Are you sure you want to start there?” Dazai asked, just as quietly, and slightly distractedly, as he read through the file. There were days he cursed his ability to take in information entire pages at a time, and this was one of them. There was no time to absorb the impact. “I’ll tell you if you’re sure. But,” he said, turning toward the redhead and wrapping one arm around his shoulder, “tell me this first. Have you ever panicked because someone was holding you down?”

“Where else would I start?” Chuuya responded as he thought about the other’s question. He had, but he’d grown out of that eventually. It had mostly popped up while he was still training when he’d be pinned in various holds and stuff. They’d just worked through it eventually - he needed to learn to fight to pilot, so he hadn’t let it stop him and eventually they’d just kinda faded away, although that might have partially been because he’d gotten better and had gotten knocked down less often as he grew up. 

“I used to, but we never really did anything about them.” The redhead frowned, trying to figure out where this was leading. “They eventually just kinda went away, I guess.”

Dazai sighed, somehow not at all surprised by that. He was suddenly very glad he'd had Yosano instead of this base's medical staff; they didn't seem to be terribly competent. “Alright. Your Ability didn’t kick in at six. In fact, pretty much everything in your files before Kouyou taking you in is fake. Sorrow manifested incredibly early- around the age of two and a half or so- and it was powerful right off the bat. Not long after your third birthday, you ended up in the hands of a top-secret military research program. At first, they were trying to duplicate your Ability and implant it in others. That didn’t work out terribly well.”

The brunette’s arm tightened as his anger spiked, and he took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax and speak- and think- calmly. “One of the researchers was also Gifted. He… had a spatial manipulation Ability, one that could resist Sorrow. They used it to keep you restrained during experiments, since nothing else worked. That’s probably where the fear of being pinned came from.”

Dazai had to stop for a moment. He _really_ didn’t want to tell Chuuya the next part.

“This sounds like the tragic backstory for some hero or something.” Chuuya tried to say lightheartedly as he took in the information. This was his actual backstory they were talking about, what had gone on in those years he never remembered and had never really thought much of. Who the fuck had thought experimenting on _children_ was a good idea? They’d tried to take his ability and give it to others. What had happened to those others? Had they been children too? Had they been forced to feel it as the ability that had been forced onto them had torn them apart or something equally as horrifying? And this had all been done by the government?

Logically, Chuuya could make the connection between the power and being pinned. That made sense. If he’d been experimented on, it also explained his dislike of the infirmary and some of the labs.

He could feel that Dazai was holding something back - there was an underlying apprehension that thrummed through the brunette’s mind, a reluctance to continue. Chuuya couldn’t blame him - Chuuya himself didn’t want to dig deeper, but… shouldn’t he learn? Shouldn’t he know what happened to him that resulted in A-kun? The redhead turned his face into Dazai. He should, but it could also wait just a few minutes.

“Can we… pause for a minute?” 

“Yeah. I think that’s a good idea.” Dazai took his free hand off the keyboard and scrubbed his eyes with the heel. He’d suspected almost everything already, but… this was harder than he thought it’d be.

Especially since there was a file, cross-referenced to this one, that listed the _other_ children involved in the experiments. One stood out, mocking him from the screen.

_Subject: A5190, aka Dazai, Osamu._

_Current Age: 6 Sex: M_ _Parents: Dazai, Hikaru and Tsushima, Yui, both deceased._

_Ability: Nullification_

_Study results: Attempt to implant gravitational ability awakened the subject’s own dormant gift. The system shock seems to have erased A5190’s memories, but not his skills or intelligence. Two days after awakening his gift, subject overrode the control panel on his cell and escaped. Tracking attempt unsuccessful, search called off after five days._

_Well, fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry - Irela & Lavi
> 
> Also, we are not medical professionals nor do we have any working knowledge of some of this stuff besides research, so we're trying our best. Thanks! -Lavi


	13. Test your might

Chuuya looked up at Dazai, concern in his gaze. He wasn’t sure what had caused the change, but if it was worse than what they’d already been discussing… The redhead picked up the laptop, setting it off to the side so that he could take its place, watching the other’s expression. Whatever was on that screen wasn’t good, but it could wait a moment, they’d already agreed on that. 

“Why don’t we go take a break?” Chuuya suggested. It might be best to take a complete step back and it was going to be lunch soon anyway. “We can get some food and come back to it when we’re ready.”

Dazai wrapped both arms around Chuuya, burying his face in the redhead’s shoulder as he replied. “I think that’s a wonderful idea.”

Gods, Chuuya wasn’t supposed to be the one comforting _him._

He’d always suspected that No Longer Human had something to do with his lost memories, anyway. Memories, especially in children, were largely tied to emotion, and having them forcibly erased would’ve left him incapable of recalling much of anything. Really, he should count himself lucky he remembered his _name_. 

Of course, knowing that he was smart enough at _six_ to escape a military facility was kind of a bonus. And his was a much better fate than most of the others’ had been (not that he had _any_ plans to tell Chuuya what had happened to most of the kids in that program. That was a nightmare he really didn’t need). He was also the last, at least in that experiment.

_Alright. It’s not like you to feel sorry for yourself, especially for something you don’t remember. This is about Chuuya and A-kun._

_I wonder if Natsume-sensei’s warning was for me after all._

_I wonder if Chuuya and I actually met, back then. What would happen if I told A-kun_ my _number?_

He stayed there for a moment, grounding himself with the feeling of Chuuya in his arms, then raised his head and kissed his lover lightly on the lips. “Alright. Let’s go get lunch.”

Chuuya smiled as best he could before he pulled away and stood, his hands going to Dazai’s to pull him up. There was going to have to be a lot of discussion after this, a lot of figuring out what it meant for them and where they would go from here. 

He had a feeling it wouldn’t be long before they were talking to Yosano again about everything.

Oh gods, he still had to tell Ane-san about everything.

*************

On second thought, Dazai reflected, sitting in the common area for lunch may have been a mistake. They were early enough that it had taken next to no time to get through the line, which was nice, but for some reason, _every one_ of their friends decided to come up and talk to Chuuya about the match later. Luckily, neither of them were really inclined to linger over the meal, so they managed to escape the dining room before the entire base showed up.

“Why don’t we take a walk?” he suggested as they left the hall. “It’s supposed to be gorgeous out today.”

“Sure. Anywhere in particular?” Chuuya asked. He wouldn’t mind a walk right now - he wasn’t quite restless, but he had a feeling if they went back to what they had been discussing he would end up pacing or something otherwise. 

Daza thought about that for a second, going over the base’s plan for a moment. There weren’t that many places that would be empty this time of day, but… “Your garage. The area outside it is kind of nice, and it should be quiet.” _And Kouyou is the only person that would even think to look for us there, probably._

“Do we want to grab jackets then, or just grab our riding jackets?” Chuuya asked since it was somewhat chilly outside and neither one of them was wearing anything meant for the weather. 

“The riding jackets should work. I don’t want to detour too much right now. It’s more wind chill than anything, and they’re built for that.” Besides, they only had two hours until the match, so it wasn’t like they were going to be outside long. “If it gets too cold, we can come back in and you can show me the bikes you’re working on. Why do you need three, anyway?”

“Only the one’s actually mine.” Chuuya began explaining, going with the change of topic easily. “The other two are ones I’ve been asked to work on or do occasional maintenance for when the owner goes off base. I usually ended up with a lot of free time, so I filled some of it with that. It’s fun and I get to keep my skills sharp on things other than my own pieces.”

“That makes sense.” It was much like his own work, then. Just because he was a pilot now didn’t mean he didn’t still get tapped for other jobs on occasion. His skills were too rare for the military not to use, although most of the requests were directed through Natsume-sensei. He wondered sometimes just how many people actually knew that they’d been using a teenager for hacking databases and networks. 

And that was something else he should probably tell Chuuya. He’d never told Oda, but he hadn’t shared a bedroom with the man, either. It’s not like he could up and disappear for a day or two anymore and just brush it off. Love, apparently, really did have a way of making things complicated. But, he thought, watching the redhead walking next to him, he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He could deal with complications.

“Hmmm. Maybe I could bring my computer out while you’re working on bikes? You could teach me mechanical stuff, and I can teach you how to hack television stations and set up non-stop anime marathons,” he said with a grin.

“I thought you didn’t want to detour?” Chuuya asked, smiling just a bit. “I like the sound of that though. We should do that one of these days. Binge-watch Gundam or Gurren Lagan or something. Maybe not take over the local station though; that'd be a bit much.” The redhead hadn’t watched too many anime, but he’d heard enough about them. He’d just never had the patience to sit down and binge them for hours. “You’ll have to pick some good ones though.”

“Alright, it’s a date then.”

He let the conversation lapse until they’d gotten to the garage and grabbed their jackets. It _was_ a bit chilly out, but the sun was nice, and the leather stopped enough of the wind that they didn’t really feel cold. They walked for a bit, holding hands and just enjoying the outside. There was still a conversation to finish, though, and so…

“Are you ready to go back to what we were talking about, before?” Dazai asked, a little uncertainly. “There are still a few things in that file.”

“I suppose we should.” The redhead sighed. He didn’t want to, but they probably should. There was a lot that they needed to go over and by the sound of things they weren't done yet. “Is it bad that I just wish things could go back to normal?”

“I don’t know,” Dazai answered honestly. “My normal was boring and lonely and cold. Yeah, I have friends, and I kept myself busy, but I’ve felt more alive and happy and comfortable in my own skin in the past four days than I ever remember being. And I can’t help feeling like we were always fated to find each other, especially now.”

He smiled briefly as Chuuya looked up at him, a question- and slight glare- in his eyes. “Sorry, didn’t mean to be cryptic. But you’re not the only one who doesn’t remember anything before the age of six or so. I’ve never admitted that to anyone except Oda. Once I realized No Longer Human existed, I always figured it was just a side effect of it kicking in. I was right, but for the wrong reason.”

The brunette squeezed Chuuya’s hand, then continued somberly. “There was a list of subjects, potential recipients, for the ability transfer experiment. Thirty or so names over the space of three and a half years. The last name on the list… was mine. After my procedure had some incredibly unintended results, they canceled the experiment and moved you to another one.”

“Wait, so what the fuck. You’re telling me we were _both_ part of that shitshow?” Chuuya frowned, kicking a rock as they walked. “They experimented on a bunch of kids… What happened to you? You said I was moved but…”

Why the fuck did this just keep getting worse?

“A bunch of orphans, specifically. But as for me… well, apparently I had a talent for hacking even at six. When they tried to transplant your ability, it woke up mine. The cognitive disruption gave me selective amnesia, which is why I don’t remember anything about that time, but I still had my skills. According to the file, I managed to get out of my cell and escape a few days later.”

The brunette shrugged. “I spent the next four or five years on the streets, surviving mostly by shoplifting and hacking ATMs. Fukuzawa found me when I was eleven. I was almost thirteen when I ‘discovered’ No Longer Human, and that’s when I moved to the pilot training program.”

“At least something good came of it?” Chuuya guessed, still frowning. Now both of them had (even more) tragic backstories, for all it did them any good. “So if I have this right, I have an ability that apparently was desirable enough as a _toddler_ that they thought it would be a good idea to try and duplicate it, which probably ended up killing however many kids until you came along and they decided there was a different use for me. My ability killed other people and I don’t even remember it.” The redhead’s voice had grown quiet as he continued, his anger and confusion dying down to embers. “They took that part of me and tried to put it in other people, probably other kids, and they still weren’t done with me.”

The mechanic-turned-pilot stopped in place and turned to face Dazai, mouth working for a moment before he figured out what to say.

“Can we… stop here for now?” The words were barely said aloud, Chuuya still trying to reconcile everything even though it hadn’t been that much information this time and knowing that there was still at least a bit more to come. Just... _kids_.

“Of course.” Dazai raised his free hand and brushed it over Chuuya’s cheekbone, pushing away the stray hairs the wind kept trying to blow in his face. “Hey. You’ve done so much good, too, you know. How many people have been kept safe because of your work? I know how dedicated to it you are, and how good it is. You’ve saved lives. And you’ll be saving more, once _Soukoku’s_ finished. And I know you, love. You’re fiery and compassionate and kind and loving and so, so good. _This_ is who you are, not what they tried to do to you. Okay?”

His fingers went to the nape of Chuuya’s neck, and he bent down to press their foreheads together. “And I love you. Nothing’s ever going to change that.”

Chuuya pressed his head to Dazai’s as he tried to figure out what to say. He might do good with his work, sure, but that won’t bring back anybody his ability killed. After a few minutes of silence, he gave up on trying to put it into words and just pressed his body into Dazai’s, burying his face into the other’s chest.

It might not have been his choice, but it was still his ability. He’d always been told they did their best to protect their user, but… Chuuya sighed. He wasn’t going to get past that bit any time soon, he had a feeling. 

“I love you too, Osamu,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around the other. The redhead didn’t care that they were in plain view on the grounds right now - anybody who said anything would be dealt with later. 

Dazai returned the embrace, pressing kisses into Chuuya’s hair as they stood there. He could feel the redhead’s emotional turmoil, and wondered how much worse it would’ve been if No Longer Human wasn’t dampening it slightly. Eventually, he straightened. “Come on, love,” he said gently. “It’s getting chilly, and you need to change soon for your match.”

He started leading the other back inside. “About later- do you want me to tell Kouyou everything? Or I could just print out the file and let her read it herself. It’d probably be simpler that way.” _And you won’t have to hear it all over again. Or deal with the rest of it yet._

“If she just reads it… Can we still be there? I don’t know how long it is, but…” She was his big sister. He didn’t want to just hand her the file and leave the room, despite not wanting to know it. He wanted to be there, to be able to see her reaction. What was she going to think of the whole thing? Chuuya was pretty sure she didn’t know already. Dazai was right though - it was getting time to get ready if he was going to be there on time. At least the match should give him a chance to work through a bit of it even if it wasn’t going to be mindlessly pounding at equipment. 

“If my Chuuya so desires,” Dazai said. “I’ll copy it to a flash drive when we get back to the room, and we can print it out in Kouyou’s office. Or one of the others. It shouldn’t take long; I’m just going to give her the summaries.”

They reentered the garage and shrugged off their jackets, then started back toward their room. As they walked, Dazai weighed what he wanted to say next, then sighed. “I don’t know if this will help, but… almost everyone who was involved with the experiments is dead. The few that are still alive were court-martialed, and most of them will spend the rest of their lives in jail. ”

“That doesn’t mean they atoned at all. Just because they’re in jail doesn’t mean they regret it.” Chuuya shook his head as he spoke. Bad people didn’t turn over a new leaf just because they went to jail. “I mean it’s good they can’t do it anymore, but… they shouldn’t have been able to do it in the first place, you know? Who does that, to _kids_ no less?”

Dazai sighed again. “I know. I’m not arguing with you there.” He really wasn’t sure what else to say. The brunette had known whatever had happened to Chuuya, it wasn’t good, but this was so much worse than anything he’d come up with. There were things in that file he’d never tell Chuuya, never tell _anyone_. He couldn’t. The way most of those children had died… 

He shook off that train of thought and cast around for something to distract Chuuya, even for a moment. They’d arrived back at their room, and he checked the time. _A little over an hour. Alright._

Once they’d taken off their shoes, Dazai pulled the redhead over to the bed. “Come here, Chibi. We’re going to take a minute.” He climbed up far enough that the other could follow and sit in his lap. 

Chuuya followed willingly, settling between his partner’s legs comfortably. Their discussion was still heavy in his mind; he’d be thinking about this a lot in the near future. Dazai was right though, they needed to step back a little bit, take a break. This was a lot to take in, but there was no rush to do so.

“What are we going to do, then?” he asked, trying to drum up a bit of a smile for his partner. Dazai was doing the best he could - they both were.

“Well, first, I’m going to wrap my arms around you,” the brunette said, matching his actions to his words. “And then I’m going to pull you close enough for you to feel my heartbeat against your back. After that, I’m going to hold you until you stop shaking, and you can tell me if there’s anything else you’d like me to do to help you get through this.”

He smiled a bit. “In other words, I’m going to attempt to be a good boyfriend, and you’re going to let me. No arguing, okay?”

“I think you’re doing a better job than you think.” The redhead said as he made himself comfortable leaning against Dazai. He hadn’t even realized he was shaking, but he was. Maybe not overly much, but it was still there. “Can we talk then, or turn something on, so we’re not thinking about it? I have a feeling I’m going to keep dwelling on it otherwise.”

“Whatever you need, love.” He leaned over slightly, reaching for the remote that lay on the nightstand, and clicked on the television. It was still set to the American movie channel and he grinned slightly as he saw the one that was playing. It would figure it would be a romantic comedy, but at least it was actually decent if he remembered correctly.

No, he hadn’t spent entirely too much time watching American TV.

“Will this do?”

“Probably? Do you know this one?” Chuuya asked as he adjusted to see the television better. He couldn’t see the brunette’s expression, but Dazai had seemed pleased with the station. Usually, Chuuya didn’t watch much television, but maybe he’d do it more if Dazai was with him. 

“Yeah. It’s actually pretty good. I usually don’t go for romcoms, but this one’s got some really good moments in it. We may have to sit and watch the whole thing sometime.” Once Chuuya was settled, he wrapped himself around the redhead and let his chin rest on the other’s shoulder, head turned so he could press kisses to his neck as they sat. He wished they had more time, but he’d do what he could. And they did have their evening free, so tonight they could come back and relax as well.

Actually, there was nothing formally scheduled for tomorrow, either. It was going to take another day or two before Chuuya could really start working on _Soukoku_ , and drift training was every three days, so…

“How about tomorrow, we sleep in, then go out in the city and make a day of it. Just you and me. No heavy conversations, no drama, just the city and your bike. Sound like a plan?”

“We never did hit that arcade, did we?” Chuuya mused, half of his attention on the movie, half on the discussion. “We could do that and explore a bit. Find some new places to eat.”

That sounded like a really good plan though. Just taking a day for the two of them where they could finally do something just for them. They would need to start training, physical training, soon, but Ane-san would probably give them another day easily enough. It wasn’t like they were going on the front lines for a while anyway.

“It’s a date, then.” This was good. Chuuya had calmed significantly, both emotionally and physically. The rest would probably disappear once he started focusing on the match. He figured they had another ten minutes before they had to get up, and his kisses turned to nuzzles and nips. Not serious ones, just teasing and playful, and he smirked as the redhead reacted.

“D-Dazai!” Chuuya flushed as Dazai started nipping at him, although he was startled into laughing at it - he hadn’t expected the action. That wasn’t to say he was against it, per se, just surprised. He probably shouldn’t have been though. “Why did you do that?” 

“Because you’re here and I can. And it made you laugh,” Dazai said, his smirk widening. “I love the sound of your laugh, by the way. Just so you know.”

He nuzzled Chuuya’s neck again, letting himself sink into the contact.

“...Okay,” Chuuya said as he relaxed back into his partner, hoping that he wouldn’t do that again. At least if he did the redhead would be slightly prepared for it. He closed his eyes for a moment, relishing the contact between the two of them before he opened them to refocus a bit on the movie. “Thanks, by the way.”

“For what?” The question was soft, spoken into the side of Chuuya’s neck.

“For being there, etc. You didn’t ask for any of it and you only have to deal with it because you’re my partner.” Chuuya shrugged with the shoulder on the other side so he didn’t smack Dazai. “Neither of us expected it, but you’ve been trying to help however you can. So thanks.”

“You’re welcome. You’ve done a lot for me too, you know. You’re the first to ever see my scars, _all_ my scars, and just _accept_ them. No pity, no horror, just understanding and love. I don’t think you know just how big a deal that is for me. And I’m fairly certain that _depressed_ and _suicidal_ and _dissociative episodes_ weren’t exactly qualities you were looking for in your ideal partner, but you rolled with it. So we’re both a little broken. That’s okay. Neither of us is going anywhere.” Dazai let the love and gratitude he felt swell up over him, knowing Chuuya would feel it through the drift, and he held the redhead just a little tighter.

The movie was ending, and with it their interlude, but that was okay. They’d have time.

“That’s true.” Chuuya raised a hand and laid it on Dazai’s arm, since he was facing the wrong way to hug him, but that was fine. He knew the other would be able to feel his own love and gratitude. It was true. They both had time to figure this out and maybe do something about it eventually but for right now, they could sit back and just breathe. Chuuya might not have been exactly what Dazai had been looking for but Dazai wasn’t exactly in tip-top shape either, and that was fine. “I thought we said no heavy conversations,” he joked, smiling slightly. So much for that.

“That’s tomorrow. This is just finishing off earlier,” Dazai replied, also smiling. “But now, we need to get up so you can get ready.” 

He unwrapped his arms, smile changing to a grin as Chuuya mumbled a complaint, and leaned over to snag his laptop and pull it closer. It had gone to sleep mode, so after sliding it next to himself he typed his password in one-handed, then minimized the document he’d been reading before Chuuya could see it.

Chuuya stood and stretched, feeling much more content than he had been earlier. Things still sucked but they’d figure it out. Dazai was right. He had to get ready for the match with Fukuzawa-sensei. At least that should be fun. The man seemed like he’d be a hell of a challenge, and Chuuya hadn’t had a good one for a while. The match, a shower, then tea with Ane-san? Was that the schedule for the day?

The redhead grabbed some clothes he could fight in to change into. When he was younger he’d had a gi, but since he wasn’t really being formally trained anymore there’d been no reason to keep getting them. 

Dazai stood as well, going over to the desk and rummaging through the drawer he’d claimed as his own until he found a spare usb drive. (He swore the things multiplied, but it always took forever to find the one he actually wanted, which was occasionally _incredibly_ annoying.) Plugging it into his laptop, he copied over the documents to be printed, then edited out some of the bits Kouyou really didn’t need to know, and marked others for redacting once he’d printed them. He actually knew what the XO’s security clearance was, so finding those bits wasn’t hard.

Watching her actually read them, and watching Chuuya watching her… that was going to be the difficult part. It wasn’t often he actually saw the results of his work. And he'd _never_ had it cross over into his personal life before, not like this.

Finishing his task, he sent a message to Yosano detailing Chuuya’s panic attack, and then one to Natsume.

_ <Sensei, you were right. I didn’t like what I found there.> _

_ <Neither did he. Took it well enough, though. Haven’t told him everything yet.> _

Surprisingly, especially given the time, he got a reply.

_ <How did you take it?> _

_ <About the same. I’d figured something happened, just not… that.> _

_ <Alright. Don’t forget the cleanup.> _

_ <Right. Doing that now.> _

_ <Good lad. Keep me informed.> _

_ <Yes sir. Thank you.> _

Cleanup. Right.

Dazai launched four separate programs on his laptop, designed to erase his tracks and disguise any changes he might have made. They ran for about a minute, then logged him out and erased any traces he’d left on the rather convoluted route he’d taken into the server in the first place. Pocketing the flash drive, he closed the laptop and turned to Chuuya. “Ready to go, Chibi?”

The redhead quickly changed, looking over to Dazai as he was addressed while he tied his hair back. 

"Yup. Let's go." Chuuya grinned and walked over to the brunette, holding out his hand. "Ready to see me get knocked into the mat a few times?” Chuuya was good at his studies but he held no illusions that he stood much of a chance against Fukuzawa-sensei. It would be exhilarating nonetheless.

“Heh.” Dazai took Chuuya’s hand and pulled him in for a quick kiss, and his voice dropped into something low and rough. “If Chuuya’s not too sore later, can I throw him into the mattress? I want to see if I can make him beg for mercy.”

"We'll see who's begging later." Chuuya gave him another kiss before he started pulling them to the door. He wasn't surprised at the direction Dazai's thoughts had turned and his own followed easily this time, so he wasn't blushing too much. "If we're late, Ane-san will kill us."

Dazai grinned and followed his boyfriend. Whoever ended up begging, he was fairly certain he’d enjoy it.

*****************************

They weren’t late, although it was close. The training area was more crowded than even he’d expected, a dozen or so people pressed up against the walls. Kunikida stood to one side of the mat, while Fukuzawa was off to one side, going through a warm-up routine. Yosano waved at them, and Kouyou, standing next to the doctor, smiled as she saw their linked hands.

Dazai squeezed that hand, then released it so Chuuya could do his own warm-up. He found a place next to the two women, a few staff members he didn’t know yet moving to grant them at least a little privacy..

“Is he ready for this?” Yosano asked, her voice a mix of caution and anticipation.

“Yeah. He’ll be fine, I think.” The brunette turned to the tall redhead. “Kouyou-san, if it’s alright, I’d like to borrow the printer in your office after the match. There are some documents I need to print off, and I think mine’s still in storage somewhere.”

“That’s fine, Dazai-kun. There’s a USB port on the copier, so you can print directly,” Kouyou replied, and Dazai gave her a nod of thanks.

The three of them turned to face the mat as Kunikida cleared his throat. “Thank you all for coming,” he said, his baritone voice pitched loud enough to reach the entire room, and he waited as the last murmurs faded.

“As both combatants are practitioners of multiple disciplines, they are free to use any and all moves from their skill sets, within limits. The match will continue until the time limit has been reached or one of the participants is rendered unable to continue, either through injury or knockout.”

Well. That didn’t sound ominous. At least Yosano was right here if things go out of hand.

“Participants to their places,” Kunikida continued. “Bow. Face me. Bow. Right.” He nodded to one of the staff members, who stood at the corner of the mat, and she held up a stopwatch. As she clicked it, Kunikida said, “Begin.”

Chuuya… was actually not doing badly, as far as Dazai could tell. Fukuzawa was one of the best, but from what he could tell from everyone’s reactions and the faint sense of satisfaction over their link, the redhead was doing much better than he’d anticipated. That was good.

It didn’t hurt that Chibi was _fast._ And flexible as hell, something Dazai’d already discovered. He demonstrated it when he bent over backwards to avoid a strike, then continued the move into a backflipping kick that nearly took Fukuzawa out. The older man dodged, but it still landed a glancing blow on his shoulder. Kouyou grinned.

“It seems Chuuya’s not as out of practice as he thought,” she said. “I knew he was good, but this is far better than I’ve ever seen him.”

“Fukuzawa has a habit of doing that,” Yosano replied. “Knowing you’re going up against him does one of two things- it either terrifies you into doing horribly or goads you into fighting better than you knew was possible. It seems Chuuya took it as a challenge.”

Dazai nodded. This was good. Chibi needed a boost like this after the revelations of the day. Knowing that his partner could fight like this was a bonus as well. Despite everything he’d said, the idea of going out to fight Kaiju again was daunting after what had happened last time. And Chuuya had Sorrow as well, which would make a hell of a difference once it was channeled into _Soukoku._

The brunette closed his eyes. If it had been Chuuya that day instead of Oda, they probably would’ve won. That _hurt,_ in several ways, but there was no use mourning might-have-beens. The past was what it was.

_The past was what it was._

Dazai took a breath, clearing his head. Thinking about this was distracting, and his mixed-up emotions might throw Chuuya off. He could process this later.

As the timer went off, Chuuya blinked and disengaged habitually, breathing heavy but controlled. That… had gone much better than he had expected it to, although he had definitely messed up some of his responses and timing. Across the mat, Fukuzawa-sensei had also backed away, his hands falling by his sides. Both of them bowed to each other as Kunikida closed out the match - Chuuya didn’t hear the verdict as the blood rushed in his ears but he didn’t need to - somebody would let him know. All that really mattered was what Fukuzawa-sensei learned from it anyway. 

The redhead looked over to where Dazai and the others were starting to applaud, smiles and grins on their faces. He must have done well enough. 

Dazai came over and swept Chuuya up in a hug. “That was amazing, Chibi!” he said. “I figured you were good, but I think you surprised everyone out there.”

“Indeed.” Fukuzawa joined them. “That was quite impressive, especially given your lack of formal training as of late. I look forward to seeing what you can accomplish in the future.”

“Thank you, sensei.” Chuuya pulled away from Dazai just a bit to bow to the elder. “I look forward to learning anything you may have to teach me.” The teacher had been formidable- there was going to be so much that he could learn from the man. Once he had nodded to the redhead and moved on, Chuuya turned back to his boyfriend, grinning. 

“That was… fun. And slightly nerve-wracking, but it could have been worse I think.” Chuuya admitted. It was true. It had been a good fight, like none he had found any time recently. 

“It could have been,” Kouyou agreed as she joined them. “You did quite well out there, lad. Much better than any of us thought you would- including you, I imagine. And now, I must go. I shall see you for tea soon, yes?”

“Thanks, Ane-san. I have a lot to learn still.” He grinned at her before it softened a little. “Thanks for coming. I know you’re busy.” 

“Of course. I will see you shortly.” She smiled, then took her leave.

Yosano and Kunikida had joined them as well. The blond looked somewhat less stern than he had the last time they’d met. “That was impressive, Nakahara,” he said. “I’ve never seen anyone challenge Fukuzawa-sensei like that.”

“Indeed. And you both managed to stay mostly unhurt.” Yosano seemed a little put out by that, but she was grinning anyway.

“I doubt that,” The redhead told Kunikida, still grinning with exhilaration. “I know Ane-san gave him a challenge the other day. He’s really skilled.” Yosano-sensei was right though. The most either of them would have is a bit of light bruising from the few hits that actually landed. 

“Still, I’m impressed. I look forward to seeing you in class, Nakahara.” Kunikida gave him a nod of respect and took his leave.

“My chibi is just winning everybody over today,” Dazai said with a grin, as he bent to kiss Chuuya lightly on the cheek. “But we should get going. You need to take a shower, and I need to stop by Kouyou’s office. See you back at the room?”

“You want to print out the documents?" Chuuya asked as he leaned into Dazai, having given his own farewell to Kunikida as the man left. The redhead was blushing a bit - usually, Ane-san was the only one who really seemed to be proud of his achievements, so the brunette's pride was… Not strange, or unexpected really, but… different.

“Yes. I’ve already asked her for permission.” He kissed Chuuya again, delighting in how cute he was. “I won’t be long.”

"Okay. I'll meet you in our room then." Chuuya agreed, pulling Dazai down to plant a quick chaste kiss of his own to the brunette's cheek. He grinned softly at the brunette before he gave a quick bow to Yosano and left, heading back toward their room, intending on taking a quick shower before they went to meet Ane-san for tea. 

“You two really are very much a couple already, aren’t you?” Yosano asked softly. “I’m glad for you, Dazai. You deserve some happiness in your life.”

“Thanks, Akiko,” Dazai replied, just as quietly, then sighed. “I contacted Natsume-sensei. He sent me links to a database. I… I know exactly what happened to Chuuya. And there are things in that file I’m never going to tell him. What they did- it’s unforgivable.”

“Do you think he’s going to want to talk to me about it?” Yosano asked.

“Maybe. He knows where a lot of the phobias and panic attacks are coming from now. Not all of them, we haven’t gotten that far, but it does explain everything.” Dazai shook his head. “I should get going. I need to stop by Kouyou’s office. We’re meeting her for tea in a little bit.”

“Alright. I’ll see you in a few days.” Yosano clasped Dazai on the shoulder briefly, then headed back to her office.

Dazai watched her go for a second, then headed for Kouyou’s office. He had things to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chuuya and Fukuzawa's bout was more a formal sparring match than a proper skills assessment. Fukuzawa was less interested in proper form and technique, and more on testing Chuuya's ability to react and think on his feet. -Irela


	14. Tea for three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly fluff, partially Kouyou.

Dazai didn’t take long in Kouyou’s office. The copier printed quickly, and a quick search of nearby desks yielded a black marker that he used to redact certain parts of the files. Then, it was back to the room to meet up with Chuuya.

Meanwhile Chuuya was busy taking care of his shower. As he left the bathroom, towel over his shoulders and clad in a t-shirt and sweatpants, he looked to the door. Dazai wasn’t back yet, and there was still time, so the redhead grabbed a book and sat on the bed, settling in to wait. 

Dazai entered the room a little while later, papers in hand, and was struck once again by just how beautiful Chuuya was. Sitting curled up on the bed, hair damp and curling from his shower… he was gorgeous.

_Fact seven: Post-shower Chuuya is always going to be one of my favorite sights, I think._

“Hey beautiful,” he said. 

“Hey handsome,” Chuuya greeted him without looking up from his book. He only had one page left in this bit… The redhead quickly finished it and sat up, sliding a placeholder into the book and setting it on the nightstand. “Everything printed okay?”

“Yep.” Dazai walked over to the bed, bending down to kiss his lover on the lips. The redhead’s lips always tasted amazing and felt even more so, and he was still fairly certain he’d never tire of kissing them. “Ready for this?”

“Is it possible to be ready for this?” Chuuya’s face scrunched up a bit. He was dreading her reaction to this - either she’d already known, she’d want to smother him, or she wouldn’t care. He doubted the last one, but... sometimes it was hard to rationalize fear. 

He didn’t know how he’d react to it either - Dazai had been filtering it for him, although the opportunity to read it for himself had been there. Honestly… The redhead wasn’t really looking forward to this, but it was only fair that she knew.

“Not really. I’m not giving her everything. She’s not cleared for a lot of it, but it’ll be enough to know what happened to you. And me.” Dazai’s smile was wry. “Really, nobody on this base has a high enough security clearance for this file. Mine’s close, but they _really_ didn’t want this getting out there. If it weren’t for Sensei I would never have known this database ever existed.”

The brunette kissed Chuuya again, then straightened and offered him a hand up. “We should probably get going. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can come back and cuddle more.”

“Yeah.” The redhead agreed, letting himself be pulled up and sticking close to Dazai. Cuddles definitely sounded like a good thing, and Chuuya had enough to think about. Doing something that didn't require a lot of thought sounded like a good way to end the day after talking to Kouyou. “That seems to be a thing we do often.”

“I can’t help it. Having you wrapped up in my arms, or being wrapped up in yours… it’s amazing. You’re addicting, Chuuya,” Dazai admitted. “The downside of the bandages is they don’t allow for much skin-to-skin contact.”

“I didn’t say I had an issue with it.” The redhead assured him, wrapping his arms around the other. He hesitated for just a moment before he continued, a touch uncertainly. “I like it too. They don’t seem like they would be all that helpful though. You know you can go without if it’s just two of us, right? I don’t mind.”

“Mm. Maybe I’ll do that at night then,” Dazai said. “We’ve been so busy the last few days it hasn’t really been an option. But, yeah. If it’s just us, I think I’d like that.”

Dazai kissed him again, just because, then pulled back and started leading them toward the door. He wanted to get this over with as well.

“Maybe when we get back tomorrow we can settle down with movies and snacks. Sound good?” It did to Chuuya. An entire day just for them, like an actual date. The thought made him blush the slightest bit, despite his apprehension about going to Ane-san with what Dazai had found.

“That depends. Does Chuuya count as a snack?” Dazai said teasingly. “He’s tasty enough for one.”

“Dazai!” The redhead blushed harder as he smacked the other’s arm. “You can’t just say that!”

“Why not?” Dazai asked, half-laughing. “It’s true. Chuuya is a tasty, sexy snack, and nothing anyone can say will convince me otherwise- unless, of course, he’s being a full meal instead. I’ll be happy to feast on him either way.”

Chuuya’s entire face was flushed as he attempted to slap a hand over Dazai’s mouth. They were in the middle of the base, in the middle of the day. Anybody could hear him!

“S-Shut up, Dazai!”

Dazai laughed and decided to take pity on Chuuya. He kissed the palm of Chuuya’s hand, then pushed it away. “Alright, I’ll behave. For now,” he said, his eyes twinkling. He would _never_ get tired of flustering his Chibi. Still, it had lightened the mood a bit- he had a feeling it would drop again entirely too soon as it was.

It didn’t take them long to get to Kouyou’s room, and Dazai gripped the stack of papers as Chuuya knocked on the door.

“Come in!” Kouyou’s voice floated through the door, and Dazai stepped back to let Chuuya open it.

The redhead let out a breath and opened the door, entering first before he moved to let Dazai through. Dazai’s antics had lightened things for a bit, but it wouldn’t stay that way for long, what with the conversation ahead of them.

“Hey, Ane-san. Thanks for having us for tea.” Chuuya greeted her, smiling a bit.

“You’re quite welcome, Chuuya-kun,” she replied, gesturing them to seats at a low table. The cups were already set out, and a moment later she brought a delicate-looking teapot from the small kitchenette. The scent of green tea was pleasantly drifting through the air, and she poured for all three of them before settling herself. A small smile flickered across her lips as Dazai spooned sugar into his teacup. 

They sipped in silence for a moment, enjoying the tea and each other’s company. Then, she set her cup down. “You said there was something you wanted to tell me, Chuuya-kun. What was it?”

Chuuya frowned as he thought for a moment. How exactly should he bring this up? He’d known the conversation was going to happen, but he hadn’t really put a lot of thought into what exactly he would say when it did. 

“You already know I don’t like the labs or infirmary, and you know that I have had panic attacks in the past,” he eventually started slowly. Chuuya wasn’t one for beating around the bush. “We...Dazai found out why.”

The redhead took a sip of his tea, holding the cup to his lips as he tried to figure out what next to say. “We figured you should know, because you’re my sister and guardian, but…”

“But I can’t tell you everything,” Dazai finished. “What I _can_ give you is here, though.” He turned the stack of papers to face her and pushed them across the table. 

Kouyou frowned at that, and at the lines of black on the pages. “Why can’t you tell me everything?” She’d never expected to actually learn there _was_ a reason for Chuuya’s reactions, and Dazai’s words were troubling, to say the least.

The brunette sighed, and his voice was flat and slightly cold as he spoke. “As Executive Officer, you know of my _other_ job, yes?” Kouyou nodded. “What’s in these files is above even _my_ security clearance. Technically, none of us should know they even exist. But, I have a good friend who pointed me in the right direction.”

Dazai shook his head. His "official" rank notwithstanding, the brunette's actual authority in situations like this was something akin to God. It had to be since he worked outside the law so often. Still, it was a card he almost never played. “What I gave you is enough to explain everything. I haven’t told Chuuya most of it yet- I just got access to this database this morning, and we haven’t had a lot of time to really talk everything over. And there are things in that database neither of you would ever want or need to know, so don’t ask. Also, this goes no further. We may tell Yosano some of it for treatment purposes, but we could all be court-martialed just for knowing this data exists.”

Kouyou frowned at that, but nodded agreement as she picked up the first set of papers and started reading.

Chuuya focused on the tea in his hands instead of Ane-san’s reactions. Had Dazai mentioned the whole ‘court-martialed for knowing’ thing before? Even if he had, Chuuya doubted he would have done anything differently. Things were changing around here and a lot was coming to light. All because Dazai had come to the base and piloted with him. If things hadn’t worked out as they had, he might have never learned of this. He wasn’t the only one learning new things about themself either though. Dazai was tied into this as well.

The redhead shifted his weight for a moment before he leaned into the other, tea still warm in his hands.

Dazai shifted his grip on his cup, freeing a hand to wrap around Chuuya’s waist. He’d brought up the penalty to keep Kouyou from doing anything rash- Chuuya trusted her, but Dazai didn’t know her well enough to anticipate her reactions. And even the rather sparse information he’d given her was unsettling at best. 

Kouyou didn’t take long to read through the stack. It was summaries, not the full reports, and a large part of them had been redacted. Briefly, she wondered exactly who he knew that could give him access to something like this, then decided not to bother asking. It was likely Dazai wouldn’t tell her anyway.

Rage and horror filled her in equal measure as she read. It did explain everything. The panic attacks, the phobia of anything resembling a lab, his occasionally odd behavior after a drift attempt… 

And then there was the fact that Dazai had been a victim as well.

She set down the last page, and her hands clenched on the table. “So this is everything you’re able to give me?” she asked, her voice and eyes steely.

Dazai looked back at her, his own eyes cold and hard. “Able and willing, yes. As I said, there are things neither of you really need, or would want, to know. _I_ don’t want to know them.” That was true, and if there were a way to scrub that information from his brain, he’d take it in a second.

Kouyou nodded, taking a deep breath and centering herself. Her gaze softened as she looked at Chuuya. “How are you taking all this, lad?” she asked, gently.

“It's… A lot.” Chuuya admitted although he didn’t look up at her still. She didn’t sound mad or anything negative, just faintly concerned, but if he looked up it was going to seem more real than it already was. “I don’t know everything Dazai gave to you - I don’t want to, not right now at least. I’ll know soon enough, but… there isn’t a reason to learn it all at once.”

“No, I suppose there isn’t,” she agreed. “I’d always thought there was something off about the way you ended up under my care, but I never suspected anything like this. Perhaps it’s just as well that I never questioned it. I doubt they would’ve told me the truth anyway.”

“No, they wouldn’t have. This whole project was swept under the rug as soon as it was discovered, and everyone involved was silenced. To be honest, I'm not even sure how much the people who cleaned up the mess were told.” Dazai shook his head. “Regardless, now you know.”

“Yes. Is there anything I can do to help?” Kouyou didn’t really know what could possibly make this better, but if her little brother wanted _anything…_

Chuuya shrugged, unable to help it as his eyes flickered up towards Ane-san. He couldn’t think of something that might help - what on earth could? This wasn’t some small issue, or even anything that really had anything to do with the present. All they could do was react to it. When he panicked or… whatever it was, he had a routine of sorts, and it had changed to include Dazai lately. The redhead didn’t think anything needed to change that hadn’t already, not in a way she could really help with.

“I don’t know. Things are weird right now. I’m still getting used to the idea, I think.”

“I understand.” Kouyou thought for a minute. “They’re still undoing the temp work on _Soukoku,_ correct?” Dazai nodded, and she continued. “Alright. Take a few days off, then. You both have more than enough leave time accumulated. I’ll handle the paperwork. Neither of you has anything major scheduled until Monday, and we’re not going to see the parts shipment until then anyway.”

“What about training?” Chuuya frowned. They were still supposed to be working on their partnership, although it was true that they would probably be sticking very closely together in the future. For having been fairly solitary in the past, they had adapted to being in close quarters fairly easily, at least so far. 

“You’re not scheduled for another drift until Sunday. I’ll leave it up to the two of you if you want to keep that session or delay it a day. And I’m not saying you can’t work on _anything._ I know you have projects of your own. Just… take some time and process this, okay?” Her voice was soft and a bit concerned. “You’ve had a lot dropped on you the last few days. I just don’t want to see you break under it.”

That gave them three days until their drift. It made sense though. She was right - it was a lot to take in. It was a good thing that she had the pull to make that happen without having to explain it to a commanding officer.

Chuuya nodded, taking a sip of his tea and finally looking at her properly. It didn’t really make sense that he had been apprehensive about her reaction, because she obviously cared. She was looking at them with concern and care, with a hint of steel in her eyes that said she wouldn’t be moved from giving them time off. Maybe they could take tomorrow, discuss more on Friday, rest on Saturday, then be ready for Sunday? Or something along those lines anyway. 

“Thanks, Ane-san,” the redhead said softly, smiling slightly. 

Kouyou smiled at him and reached for the tea, refilling her cup. 

The conversation turned to lighter topics after that, although they really didn’t have much time to continue. Her day was still busy, and it was entirely too short a period before she was saying goodbye to her guests and ushering them out the door.

Once they were gone, she let herself do what she couldn’t in front of Chuuya. She stumbled into her bedroom, collapsing in a heap on the bed, and cried for her little brother.

“She took that well,” Chuuya commented as they began making their way back toward their room. The whole conversation had gone alright, certainly better than he’d dared to hope. It still had been pretty nerve-wracking though, and he was getting pretty tired of that. Everything had changed so much in just a few days, and yet it _hadn’t_. He was still Chuuya, still a mechanic, now a pilot, still that same teen who liked comics about giant robots and poetry, but… A part of him wished he could just forget it all and keep going as they had been.

Dazai kissed the top of Chuuya’s head in reply. He’d seen the tears behind her eyes- she hadn’t known any of it. That was good, in a way. 

He could also feel the frustration emanating from Chuuya. Not that he could blame the redhead; he was definitely feeling the whiplash and unlike his boyfriend he wasn’t used to this sort of emotional roller coaster. 

Alright.

“We have a few hours until dinner. What do you want to do until then?” he asked.

“Well, we discussed cuddles, or we can hit the garage or something.” The redhead answered, thinking of other options. Now that they didn't have to worry about training for a few days, their free time had grown significantly. 

“Hmm. We also discussed me throwing you into the mattress. I suppose we could do b then c, then a if you’re so inclined,” Dazai answered. “Garage until dinner, then back to our room for the rest of the night?”

“Sure. Are you going to bring your computer?” Chuuya asked as they walked. The plan sounded good to the redhead. “Oh, and about how much do you weigh? I want to make sure I have the suspension right if we’re going to be using my bike mostly.”

“About 54kg,” Dazai replied. He’d lost weight over the past year, but he had a feeling that would go back up now that he was actually eating regularly. “And not this time. I don’t really have much to work on right now, and I want to pay attention to Chuuya.”

“I was close.” Chuuya mused as his cheeks heated a little. He didn’t know what Dazai would get out of watching him, but if that was what he wanted to do, who was he to stop him? 

Dazai chuckled softly, wrapping one arm around Chuuya and pulling him closer as they walked. Frankly, he knew that if he brought the computer now he’d get bogged down in those files again, and that was the last thing he wanted. They could wait.

Besides, Chuuya was attractive as hell when he was concentrating on something. Dazai had discovered that the first time they’d met, and right now, just watching him and relaxing sounded amazing.

*********************************

Chuuya, laying on his partner’s chest, listened idly to the TV as it droned in the background, their conversation having lapsed into silence for the moment. They’d come back to the room after dinner, changing into sleep clothes and getting comfortable. It had been a bit of a long day for both of them, so they were taking some time to unwind before their date tomorrow. 

Dazai carded his fingers through Chuuya’s hair as they cuddled. True to his word, he’d left off the bandages after his shower, and they’d both decided to leave off their shirts. He was still somewhat floored by how easily Chuuya had accepted his scars, but he wasn’t going to complain, not when having the other’s chest pressed against his felt this _good_.

_I don’t think either of us really realized how touch-starved we are. God knows I didn't, but now that I have this I can't get enough of it._

_Also, fact eight: Chibi makes an excellent blanket._

“You know,” he murmured, “you really do feel amazing like this. I know I’ve been teasing you a lot, but having you this close… I don’t know how to describe it, other than right now, I really don’t ever want you to move.”

“I don’t really want to move,” Chuuya replied, his arms going lazily to Dazai’s sides, just resting against the brunette. He didn’t really know how to reply to the rest of what Dazai had said, so he didn’t address it immediately. “You just are amazing, all of you. Inside and out,” he added after a moment, yawning slightly.

The brunette chuckled. “So are you. I had played out all sorts of ways this could have gone before I came down here, but I never anticipated instantly falling head-over-heels like this. Or at all, really. Love wasn’t something I was prepared for, but you… It’s like I told Natsume-sensei. You’re the exception to all my rules. And I am so glad you are.”

“I wasn’t really expecting anything besides having somewhat of a celebrity on base. I thought maybe we’d work together occasionally if I was lucky, but I never imagined it’d be like this. That we’d be partners, that things would work out like this. But I wouldn’t change any of it.” The redhead adjusted slightly so that he could feel the brunette’s heartbeat, closing his eyes. He was so comfortable laying there, Dazai playing with his hair, that he didn’t even mind that Dazai was thin and somewhat bony. He did make a note to try and get his partner to eat more in the future though.

“Me neither.” He was only very slightly disappointed in how the evening had gone. Dazai _had_ been looking forward to sex, but the events of the day and the emotional toll had been a bit much for both of them, and he found himself too comfortable and tired to complain. Besides, they had the next few days off. There would be time.

Dazai yawned. It was a little earlier than he normally went to sleep, but it had been a _long_ day. He reached down and pulled the blankets up, tucking them in around Chuuya. “Think I’m going to pass out now. Goodnight love,” he said.

“Goodnight, Osamu.” Chuuya replied, letting a smile twitch the corners of his mouth up as he already began to fall asleep. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Dazai whispered, fingers stilling but still in Chuuya's hair as he slid into slumber.


	15. Day off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex, breakfast, shopping, and a seaside chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very NSFW in the first section, just as a warning.

Dazai came to awareness slowly the next morning. He was warm and comfortable, and there was a Chibi-sized weight on his chest that made him very reluctant to move. A quick glance at his phone gave him the time, and it shocked him. 

_It’s 7am. And we fell asleep around 10. That’s 9 hours, with no nightmares, at least none I can remember. That’s a record for me. And Chibi hasn’t moved. I guess we were both more exhausted than I thought._

His free hand went to Chuuya’s back, and he stroked his boyfriend’s skin gently as he watched the other sleep. _God, you feel so good in my arms. I can’t believe I get to have you like this._

Chuuya woke slowly, shuddering a bit as his back was stroked, slightly oversensitive. His back wasn’t normally touched except through clothing, but he couldn't bring himself to stop the other. Instead he just pushed his face against Dazai’s chest and attempted to continue to doze. If his alarm wasn’t going off, there was no reason to wake up yet. He had no idea what time it was, and he didn’t want to.

Dazai chuckled as Chuuya tried to go back to sleep. “Good morning, mon chéri. We’ve been asleep for nine hours already. As wonderful as it feels having you laying on top of me like this, we really should get up.”

“Morning mon amour.” Chuuya groaned quietly as he let his head fall to the side and his eyes peeked open. “Do we have to?”

Of course, even as he asked, his mind was waking up enough that it would be difficult to get back to sleep. It was just so comfortable where he was and he didn’t really want to move.

“If you want breakfast, yes. Besides, my back is starting to cramp,” Dazai said with a grimace. He really wasn’t used to lying in one place- usually, he slept about half this long, and he tended to move at least somewhat. 

“Oh. Okay.” Chuuya rolled off of him, blinking. He hadn’t thought about that possibility. Sitting up the redhead stretched and yawned. He had slept _well_ last night, surprisingly, but Dazai had still woken up before him, although the brunette had said ‘we’. “Did you sleep well?”

“Very much so. I just woke up a few minutes ago, actually.” Dazai stretched, then grimaced again as his back twinged. “Ow.”

He sat up and leaned forward, groaning slightly as his spine popped. “I am not used to being in one spot that long. Still, it was really wonderful waking up with you as a blanket, Chibi.”

“You were really comfy as a pillow.” Chuuya replied as he turned to face his partner, grinning. He hadn’t ever thought he wouldn’t have minded being referred to as a blanket, but with Dazai... It wasn’t a bad thing. He even liked the idea in a way. “Anything I can do to help, or will it work itself out?”

Dazai thought about that for a second, then rolled over and stretched out on his stomach. “Um. Could you press right under my left shoulder blade?”

“Sure.” Chuuya moved over a bit so he could reach properly. He laid one hand on the area Dazai had indicated before he put any weight on it. “How hard? Like light massage or deep pressure?”

“I know how strong you are. Medium, please,” Dazai said with a slight grin.

“Alright.” Chuuya leveraged himself up onto his knees before he applied pressure, listening carefully to Dazai’s response. 

The brunette groaned appreciatively as the muscle cramp eased. “Chuuya has very talented hands. They feel amazing, just so you know.”

"I bet they’d feel amazing somewhere else too.” Chuuya said somewhat suggestively as he moved to straddle Dazai’s waist, running his hands over the other’s back after he’d let up on the pressure. “Now, anywhere else hurt?” 

“No, but please don’t stop,” the brunette replied just a bit breathlessly, arching up into the touch. He’d realized last night that his chest was sensitive from the bandages, but he hadn’t thought about his back, and Chuuya’s hands were so _warm…_

And then one of Chuuya’s nails dragged along his spine, and he _shuddered_ as a gasp escaped his lips. _“Fuck._ Do that again. _”_

Chuuya, grinning, obliged him, but ever so slowly, dragging his other hand along Dazai’s side in parallel to his nail. He hadn’t expected that reaction out of the brunette, but he wasn’t about to question it either. Once he thought about it, it made sense, but he was more occupied with how he reacted to it. 

Dazai gasped again, a full-body shiver accompanying the progress of Chuuya’s hands, and he was already more than half-hard as his body tightened. “Chuu-” his words cut off as Chuuya’s fingers reached the top of his spine, and he arched backward. “Chuuya, please…”

Chuuya set his hands on Dazai’s back, leaning forward carefully, without putting any weight on Dazai, to whisper in his ear. “Please what, Osamu?” The redhead slid his hands back down the other’s spine as he asked, just as slowly as before.

“I need you,” Dazai said, when he could breathe again. He reached up, wrapping one hand around Chuuya’s head and guiding it to the crook of his neck. “Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”

Taking the implicit invitation, Chuuya bit into that spot as he settled himself so that he was lying along Dazai’s back. He himself was getting hard, the sounds the brunette was making amazing and a little bit intoxicating in a way. Dazai’s reaction to the bite, though - his body tightened, then went limp, melting with a whimper that made the redhead determined to get more sounds out of him. Chuuya let go of the skin, smoothing it over with a gentle kiss before he did the exact same thing on the other side. 

Dazai shoved the pillow out of the way, turning his face to the mattress and moving his head to give Chuuya better access to his neck and shoulder. He’d thought Chuuya’s nails had felt good, but his _teeth…_ ”Harder,” he said, voice a breathless moan, and cried out as Chuuya complied, the redhead biting almost hard enough to break the skin. The sensation went all the way down his spine, and he was instantly fully hard.

_“Again.”_

Chuuya switched sides once again, his hands running over Dazai’s back and pressing just hard enough with his nails to leave faint lines behind. The other’s breathlessness was intoxicating, and it wasn’t long before Chuuya was fully hard himself. One hand wandered down Dazai’s side, tracing lines and circles on his hip as Chuuya began grinding against him.

Dazai was quickly being reduced to a moaning mess by Chuuya’s ministrations. “Chuuya, I... I want…” He squirmed, pressing back against the redhead’s body. “I want you inside me. Please.”

“Well, when you ask so nicely…” The redhead pulled up for a minute so he could root around in the nightstand for lube and a condom, setting it on the bed since there was a good chance they would want it in just a few minutes. Chuuya kicked off his pants while he was up, uncaring where they landed.

Dazai paused to breathe and regain a bit of his composure, then stripped off his sleep pants as well, kicking them off to one side. He looked over to where Chuuya stood, drinking in the sight of him. _God, you’re gorgeous._ “How do you want me?”

“How about as you were?” Chuuya replied, giving his own once-over of Dazai. The redhead liked what he saw - very much so - but he had limited experience, and Dazai hadn’t exactly seemed to object to it before. 

“Okay.” He moved to the center of the bed and laid back onto his stomach. “Like this?”

“Exactly.” Once that was done he settled back above Dazai, tracing lines on the brunette’s skin, not quite sure where to start. Chuuya had an _idea_ , of course, but… he hadn’t initiated last time and it had been easy to go with the flow. 

So he went with it. The redhead straddled Dazai’s hips again, his hands on the other’s sides, sort of picking up where they had been before.

Dazai turned his head, looking back at Chuuya, his eyes dark and needy. He pushed up slightly, silently begging the redhead to move faster. “Chuuya,” he whispered. 

“Osamu,” the redhead replied as he moved back a bit. He had a feeling if he had listened to Dazai, they wouldn't have lasted long. Instead, he nudged aside Dazai’s legs, laying kisses down the other’s spine as he settled between them. “You look so good, laying here for me.”

Something ran through Dazai at Chuuya’s words, and he shivered again and closed his eyes. Oh, he liked hearing that. He liked it very much. “Say that again,” he said, voice low. “I like the way your voice sounds.”

“Say what?” Emboldened by the response his words had gotten, Chuuya smiled a bit, his voice low as he spoke. “That spread out for me you look amazing, better than I could have hoped, Osamu?” 

His hands trailed lower, slow and steady, tracing lines and patterns over Dazai’s skin as they made their way over the brunette’s hips to his thighs to his ass. 

“Y-yes.” Dazai squirmed under Chuuya's touch. “Chibi has _very,_ ” he gasped as the redhead hit a particularly sensitive spot, “talented fingers.”

Instead of answering, the redhead bent down, pressing his lips to Dazai’s skin, peppering kisses over what he could reach as one hand went to the bottle he’d set aside beforehand. His other hand continued tracing lines and patterns over Dazai’s skin, a distraction as he popped open the cap to the bottle. 

The brunette was quickly coming undone again, every inch of his back tingling as Chuuya’s hands and lips caressed him. He turned his face back toward the mattress, propping himself up slightly on his elbows as his spine arced. “Chuuya, I-” he jerked and moaned as Chuuya bit another mark into his skin, this one right at the base of his neck, and he lost all sense of anything for a moment. His nerves were _electri_ _c_ , the constant stimulation of Chuuya's hands and teeth and lips both amazing and far too much at the same time. It was overwhelming, yet perfect, as his brain finally, _finally,_ shut down and just let him _be_ in the moment.

When Chuuya let go he collapsed back onto the mattress, strung out and needing _more_. “St-stop teasing, Chibi,” he said, trying to catch his breath. He was already incredibly hard, almost painfully so, and he hissed softly as his cock brushed the sheets. “I can’t… I’m not going to last long if you keep this up.”

If Chuuya were honest, Dazai sounded _sinfully_ good, rough and somewhat broken. He didn’t waste any time in sitting back, drizzling lube over the fingers of one hand as he did so. The redhead wasn’t exactly unaffected either, but he wanted to make Dazai feel good, wanted to focus on him. Once his fingers were covered sufficiently he slid them down, nudging the other’s legs out just a little further so that he could press one finger to the other’s hole, the other hand on one thigh. 

Dazai whimpered softly as Chuuya’s finger circled his entrance, then slipped inside. He was more than ready for it, the stretch only a minor sting, and he raised his hips up slightly as the redhead started moving that finger inside him. “Y-yes, Chuuya, oh god that feels so good…”

“You have no idea how good you’re going to feel around me. You already sound so amazing, so wonderful.” Chuuya carefully moved his finger, watched Dazai’s reactions to know when he could add another, doing so when the other seemed relaxed enough. It was difficult to keep his eyes off the brunette, but even more so to keep himself from getting caught up in it. “It’s hard to believe that you’re real and here, beneath me. If this is a dream, I don’t want to wake up.”

Maybe it was a little cliche, but it was true. 

“N-n-not a dream. And your fingers are-” He cut off as questing fingers found that spot inside him, and his eyes went wide as Chuuya pressed directly into the bundle of nerves. “ _Fuck_ , Chibi.”

“That _is_ the idea.” The redhead teased, adding another finger as the brunette relaxed. He continued stretching Dazai, watching his face as he did so. Personally, he was getting a bit impatient, but the last thing he wanted to do was hurt the other, so he restrained himself. His other hand the entire time continued to move along the other’s skin, tracing lightly over the insides of his thighs.

Dazai rocked backward, shoving himself onto Chuuya’s fingers, and moaned as they went deeper. He didn’t have enough leverage to truly fuck himself on them, but even that little bit felt amazing. “ _Please,_ Chuuya,” he growled, voice broken and quickly growing desperate. “Need you. God. Wanna feel- wanna feel you.”

Chuuya only hesitated a minute before he was pulling his fingers out and grabbing for the condom, tearing it open carefully. Dazai seemed impatient as well, and the sound of him begging… Well, Chuuya was only a teenager. The redhead rolled it over himself, settling between Dazai’s legs once it was in place and looking over his partner, laid out before him, flushed and wanting. There was a warm feeling in his chest that he knew wasn’t all his own, and that just made it feel all the more right. He lined himself up, watching for Dazai’s reaction as he slowly pressed in. 

“So good. You feel so good.” Dazai’s hands fisted in the sheets as Chuuya slid into him carefully, slowly, every inch filling him up _so amazingly,_ so perfectly, and so warm… 

Finally, the other bottomed out, and he took a moment to breathe, to adjust to being _full._ “God, you feel amazing, Chuuya.”

“So do you. I thought you would.” Chuuya breathed out. Dazai was so hot and tight and perfect. It was a moment before he could think to move, more focused on the feeling of his partner around him, but when he did… it was impossible to describe. 

Dazai moaned as Chuuya _finally_ started moving, strong hands on his hips shifting them up until the redhead found _that_ angle. He pushed himself up onto his elbows, rocking backward to meet Chuuya’s thrusts and the feel of the other’s cock dragging over his prostate was electrifying. The teasing, the feel of Chuuya’s fingers, the sound of his voice, had him riding the edge already, the pool of warmth in his gut growing as they moved. “Harder. I’m- ah, fuck- close, I’m so close...”

Chuuya did as the other asked, speeding up, tightening his grip on Dazai’s hips. He was pretty sure it wouldn’t take much to make the brunette come, and he wanted to make that happen. To make Dazai feel good.

“Come for me, Osamu.”

And with a choked cry, he did, his entire body clenching with the force of it. Then, he collapsed, going pliant, quivering slightly from the aftershocks.

Chuuya was patient as he waited for the other to recover a bit - he wasn’t chasing after his own pleasure, not really. Mostly, he wanted to make Dazai feel good and if he came it’d be a bonus. Dazai’s orgasm had been a sight even facing away from Chuuya - he’d come without being touched and the redhead loved the sound he’d made as he did. His hands smoothed along the brunette’s back and sides, never lingering for long on any one spot, a small grin on his face.

“What do you think, Osamu? Round two?”

Dazai considered that a moment, his thoughts slow and slightly muzzy as he came down from the orgasm, then nodded. “Yes. But I want to see Chuuya this time.”

“Okay.” Dazai was pliant now, so he carefully pulled out and leaned back a bit so the brunette could move, helping him flip so that the other could lay on his back. He took a moment to appreciate the sight before him once Dazai had settled, his hands going back to the other’s hips. “You know, you still look amazing. You always do, and you’re so good to me. I’m so lucky to have you.”

Dazai blinked up at him, body still pliant and relaxed, but his thoughts were clearer, and he smiled. “Chibi is gorgeous,” he said, one hand reaching up to brush a stray lock out of Chuuya’s face. “Gorgeous and loving and adorable and so strong… I’m lucky too. You make me so happy, love. Never thought I could actually be this happy.”

“I’m so glad I make you happy, love.” Chuuya’s one hand went briefly to Dazai’s rim, making sure he was still relaxed, before the redhead lined himself up again, pressing in slowly and watching his partner’s face. It was something he was so glad to see - the brunette’s mouth falling open in pleasure, the expressions he made… “I love you, Osamu.”

“Love you too, Chuuya. So much.” Dazai’s body was still a little over sensitive, but feeling Chuuya inside him, moving slowly, was exquisite, and watching the redhead above him was oh, so amazing. He wrapped his legs around the redhead’s waist, his arms around the other's neck, using the leverage to pull himself up and kiss Chuuya thoroughly, hungrily, the feel of warm lips exactly what he needed.

“God, you taste so good,” he said, in between kisses.

Chuuya didn’t have a response for that, so instead he snaked a hand between them, wrapping it around Dazai’s length with just a bit of pressure. He stroked the other in time with his thrusts, bracing himself against the mattress with his free hand. Chuuya’s own orgasm was approaching, but a part of him wanted to see if he could make his partner come again before he did.

_“Fuck,”_ Dazai gasped as Chuuya’s hand went around him. He kissed the redhead again, more fiercely this time, then moved to bury his teeth in the other’s shoulder. It was almost too much, too good, and he keened as Chuuya tightened his grip just _enough_. The second orgasm caught him by surprise, and he bit down, almost drawing blood as he shuddered through it.

Chuuya was tipped over the edge as the brunette came, following just after. Once it was over, he laid on Dazai’s chest, catching his breath. That had been… In the haze his mind was at the moment, he lacked the words to describe it. Instead he just nuzzled Dazai’s chest, content. 

Once he’d recovered enough, Dazai raised a hand and caressed Chuuya’s back. “That was fucking amazing, Chibi,” he murmured, voice still a little ragged and breathless. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Chuuya replied quietly without moving from his spot. “I liked it too.” The redhead was warm and comfortable, mostly, except the fact that the result from their activities was starting to cool and dry. “Shower?”

“Hush and let me be appreciative,” Dazai said with a chuckle. “And yes, please. Then I’m going to take you out for breakfast. This calls for french toast and good coffee.”

“Mmm yes. I haven’t had french toast in a long while.” Sitting up, the redhead carefully pulled out before he stretched and tied off the condom, throwing it away. There was still a bit of that haze, but it wasn't as all encompassing. “Do you have a place in mind?”

Dazai squirmed a bit as Chuuya pulled out, mourning the loss of warmth. “I do. Ranpo sent me the name of this little place downtown. The man has an absolute knack for finding the best places for sweets and breakfasts, and he’s almost never wrong.” Which made sense, considering the analyst was rather addicted to candy and good pancakes.

He sat up, feeling the slight ache from their activities, and leaned forward enough to nuzzle at Chuuya’s neck. “That really was incredible, Chibi. Next time I get to take you apart at the seams, though. It’s only fair.”

“We’ll see, love.” Chuuya pressed a kiss to the side of Dazai’s head, tugging at him gently before he stood up. The redhead headed for the shower, stretching again. “That was amazing, but let's go get some food.”

“Okay.” Dazai climbed out of the bed. They’d have to strip the sheets later, but that could wait until they got back. For a change, he was actually kind of hungry, and right now hot water called. Besides, showering together after sex was something he’d been wanting to try since their first time, and now that the scars were bare, they could.

Dazai still couldn’t believe they’d met less than a week ago. So much had happened in the past few days that it seemed unreal. Still, Chuuya was real, and solid, and amazing, and he smiled as he walked into the bathroom. The shower was barely big enough for two, but they’d manage.

***********************************************

Once again, Ranpo was right about the restaurant. It was small, crowded, and after tasting the french toast, Dazai could understand why. It was probably one of the best breakfasts the brunette had ever had, and the fact that he was starving after the morning’s activities didn’t hurt. He looked at the remains of his plate, and sighed. “I’m seriously considering seconds. What about you, Chibi?”

“Sounds good to me. I didn’t expect it to be this busy, but I can see why. I’ll have to bring Ane-san here sometime.” Chuuya said as he leaned back with a cup of coffee. The food had been good, but apparently he was hungrier than he’d expected. A second plate really did sound appetizing, especially if it was going to last them until dinner. “More toast or do we want to see if their other stuff is just as good?”

“Ranpo said the pancakes were to die for, which is seriously high praise coming from him. They have chocolate chip and strawberry banana ones… I think I’ll have to bring Atsushi here too. Maybe when you two have your rematch? I’ll have to make sure you’re hungry that day,” Dazai said, his amber eyes twinkling as he glanced at the redhead.

“Does he like sweets?” Chuuya asked, grinning a bit at the thought of a rematch against the younger. They both would have to be properly hungry that day. “Atsushi-kun that is. What do you think, get a few of each and share?”

“That works. And yes, although he tends to gravitate more toward protein when he can. That’s mostly the tiger’s influence. But I’ve seen him and Ranpo demolish an entire birthday cake by themselves already, so I think it’s safe to say he likes sweet things.” The brunette grinned as he signaled their waitress and ordered two stacks of pancakes, one of each flavor. This was probably the most he’d eaten in one sitting since… forever, really. It was rare he actually finished one serving, much less ordering seconds, or even dessert.

And he’d just slept _nine hours._ Whatever else was going on with them, he hadn’t felt this good, physically, well… ever.

Huh.

“Was it at least _their_ birthday cake?” The redhead asked curiously. He didn’t know either of them terribly well, but Chuuya was pretty sure it wasn’t something to put past them. “It seems like it’d be a bit rude if it was someone else's.”

“Heh. Actually, it was mine.” Dazai’s voice wasn’t bitter or angry, more… resigned, he supposed. “My birthday is almost inevitably a really bad day for me, and this year’s was worse than most. Cake was the last thing I wanted that day, but it seemed a pity to let it go to waste, so I let them have it. The carnage was mildly fascinating.”

So was the argument over who got how much. Eventually Yosano had stepped in and just split it down the middle, silently daring either of them to contradict her. Neither had. The altercation had been entertaining, even if he’d been too depressed to show it just then.

“Hopefully it gets a little better from here.” The redhead’s grin softened into a gentle smile. “At least somebody got it. We don’t usually bother with parties here, but Ane-san and I will try to at least get together for a bit. Let me know if we can do anything to make it easier, okay?”

“I will. It’s not til June, anyway, so we have a while. And we didn't do much unless the kids were around.” He sighed, grimacing slightly. “I should probably warn you that Odasaku’s birthday is next month. He would’ve been 27 this year. That’s going to be a shit day too.”

The grimace morphed in a wry, resigned grin. “At this point I should just make a calendar. At least I’m usually okay with other people’s birthdays. It’s just his and mine that are hell.” Dazai was interrupted then as their pancakes arrived, and he eyed them thoughtfully before cutting himself a bit of the chocolate chip.

“Just let me know when and if there’s anything you want to do that might help.” Chuuya also eyed the pancakes, deciding on a bit of the strawberry. It really was very good - he could see why Ranpo-san liked this place so much. He didn’t want to sound like he was dismissing what Dazai was saying, but he didn’t really have a good response beyond wanting to be there for the brunette. “Thanks for letting me know ahead of time, too. It makes sense, but I might not have thought about it until it happened.”

“Me neither. I didn’t know it was going to be a thing until it happened. Frankly, I’m not sure what it’s going to be like if we’re drifting at the time. Regardless, thank you. Just knowing you’re there will help immensely, I think.” Dazai reached across the table, taking one of Chuuya’s hands as soon as it was free and lacing their fingers together. 

“I think you would’ve liked Odasaku, Chibi. I’m fairly certain he would’ve loved you, and not just because I fell in love with you.”

“Still, if I can make it easier…” He smiled, squeezing Dazai’s fingers gently. A good part of him was happy that the brunette was so certain that his former partner would like Chuuya so much - he was just trying his best. “I don’t know much about him, but I think I would have liked him too. He seems like a great guy.”

“He was. You may get to know him, at least a little. I wouldn’t be surprised if more of his memories show up in the drifts.” That was a not-uncommon occurrence, at least for pilots who’d managed to find a second partner to drift with. That was rarer than it should be, but compatibilities were weird, and still not terribly well understood. And, like he had, many pilots who’d lost partners simply stepped away from the game. Forcing someone to drift after that sort of trauma was cruel at best, and not many were willing and able to make themselves try again. Dazai almost hadn’t- the only thing that had convinced him to take that step was discovering Chuuya.

They ate in silence for a bit after that. The pancakes were worth paying attention to anyway- light, fluffy, and the additions were tasty without being overwhelming. Occasionally they traded bites, although Chuuya seemed more than a bit reluctant to give up the strawberries, which was fine with Dazai. He _did_ steal a few banana slices though; they went well with the chocolate. When they were done, Dazai sat back and sighed, thoroughly sated.

“Well, that was tasty. What do we want to do now?” he asked.

“I’d say take a nap, ‘cause now we’re both full, but I don’t think that’s really a good idea.” The redhead looked out the window of the shop, thinking for a few seconds before he returned his gaze to Dazai’s. “We could wander around for a bit and do whatever sounds good. Is there any shopping we need to do while we’re out?”

“I could probably use some new clothes,” Dazai admitted. “I’ve outgrown most of my old ones. Especially the jeans.”

“Sounds good to me. Any idea where in particular you want to shop? I know a few places, but I don’t know what you’re looking for.” He asked, finishing off his cup of coffee and setting it aside. 

“I don’t really know,” the brunette replied, eyes bright and slightly mischievous over his own cup. “I mostly stick to jeans or sweats and tshirts. Is there something Chuuya would like to see me in? I very much like the way he dresses on our dates.”

“I can’t think of anything in particular…” Chuuya mused. A lot of the time he mostly wore what was comfortable and practical, since there wasn’t a lot of point in dressing for aesthetics when one was around the same people consistently. “I think you would wear formal well, though, if we ever had a reason to wear it. Why don’t we try a few things and decide from there?”

“I have been known to wear a suit on occasion,” Dazai replied, his eyes darkening slightly. Oda’s memorial service and the hearings after had been the last time, neither of which were really pleasant memories. He’d burned the suit not long after they got back- it hadn’t really been an expensive one, and the memories associated with it were painful at best. “You’re right, I do look rather good in them.”

He shook the memory off. “I think Chuuya would clean up quite nicely as well. Alright. Let’s get out of here and go shopping.” The waitress had dropped off the check as they were talking, and he picked it up, then climbed out of the booth and headed for the front register to pay.

The redhead followed his example, walking by Dazai’s side to the register. “I’m not necessarily saying a suit. Even just a waistcoat and slacks would probably look pretty good on you. Besides, if we’re going to visit a fancy restaurant in the future, you’re not wearing jeans.”

“Oo, does this mean Chuuya wants to take me to a fancy restaurant? I wouldn’t object, but you might have to order for me,” Dazai replied, fluttering his eyelashes at Chuuya. Then he bent down far enough to whisper in the redhead’s ear. “Does Chuuya’s voice sound as sexy in French as it does in Japanese?”

“At some point it might be nice, if we want to celebrate things.” Chuuya, blushing a bit, twisted his head to whisper in his partner’s ear, smirking. “Je ne sais pas, pourquoi tu ne me le dis pas?”

Dazai shivered. “Ce serait un oui. La voix de Chuuya est incroyable.” It was probably a good thing the day had started the way it had. Dazai was more than happy to tease, but he was still mildly sore from earlier, so anything else was off the table until later.

He took his card back from the cashier, who was watching the two with a smile that was somewhere between knowing and uncomfortable (which was a really odd combination). “Okay, Chibi. Let’s go shopping.”

“I think there’s a place down here we can hit.” Chuuya grinned as he filed the information away for later. There would be time to play with that when they were up for it though. “As good as any a place to start I think, right?”

“Whatever my Chuuya desires,” Dazai replied, holding the door open for him. Silently, he thanked whatever deity happened to be listening that he’d decided to learn French a few years again. It was kind of a random thing, prompted by a Canadian pilot he’d hung out with for a while in Los Angeles, and he would hardly consider himself completely fluent, but he could get by. _Guess I’ll have to start studying again. Ah well. It’ll give me something to do while Chibi’s doing homework._

“These are _your_ clothes though, so let me know if you think of anything.” Chuuya’s blush deepened at Dazai’s words and he hurried out the door so the brunette wouldn’t see. “So how good are you at French? Conversationally, or are you fully fluent?” He asked curiously, partially to change the subject. 

“Conversationally, for the most part. I had a Canadian friend on base when I was in LA, he taught me enough that I could understand him and his partner when they talked. I studied a bit beyond that just for the heck of it, but it’s been a few years since I’ve really had a reason to use it. We lost touch once I came back to Japan.” He grinned at Chuuya’s actions- the brunette could still feel Chuuya’s embarrassment over the link. It was subtle enough that they both forgot they were drifting, but it was definitely still there.

“What about you? When did you decide to pick it up?”

“I wonder if you’ll ever hear from him again. As for me… I learned it partially because I liked the sound of it and partially because Ane-san wanted me to have a well rounded education, so she insisted on a language. At first I didn’t care for it but I learned to love it quickly and I actually ended up putting in a good bit of effort to become fluent.” The redhead’s blush and embarrassment faded a bit as he spoke, distracted by the new topic. “Of course I learned English too, but French is just… more elegant, in a way.”

“Oh, I agree with you. English is a hodgepodge of a language. And just because you know one meaning of a word doesn’t mean there aren’t four more and six other ways to spell it. I ran into that a lot. Still do, sometimes, since most of the side work I do is in English. Not all of it- I’ve had to learn enough German, Russian, and Arabic to navigate system files. Coding in Arabic is not fun, I can tell you that. And don’t ask me to speak it.” Dazai shook his head and made a face, remembering one particular hack that almost gone sideways because the programmer had switched languages three times. He supposed it was great for security, but he still pitied whoever had to maintain the damned thing.

“Maybe you can teach me what you do know at some point. That could be interesting. I’ve never seen Arabic for coding and I’m not sure I want to, although a small part of me is curious now.” Chuuya admitted with a curious look. He’d seen the script in passing and had thought it vaguely neat, but had never entertained the idea of learning it. “You have a lot of interesting skills though.”

“Mhm. So do you. It takes a hell of a lot of skill and talent to design and build your own Jaeger at 17, especially from scratch and solo. Most of the techs I’ve worked with have one or two specialties. It’s rare to be able to work on everything.” They reached the shop, and Dazai opened the door for Chuuya, then followed him in. 

The brunette grinned. “Plus, you got me to willingly go _clothes shopping_. Even Odasaku never really managed that. Usually he just dragged me along when he took one of the kids out.”

“If I was going to make my design _real_ , it was going to be by my own hands, I decided.” Chuuya shrugged. “It took _forever_ to get through all of the schooling, but it’s not like I had much else to do with my time.”

He paused to look around the shop. It was pretty much exclusively casualwear with just a bit of fancier stuff in one corner, and not terribly large. “Besides, you admitted you needed clothes, I just pointed out we might as well do it now.”

“Point. Still, it’s more fun ‘cause it’s with my Chibi.” Dazai glanced around, taking in the signage and layout, and headed for the men’s section. He was tall and broad-shouldered enough now a lot of teen clothing didn’t really fit, especially jeans and fitted shirts.

He noticed one problem right off the bat. “You know, I’m really not even sure what size I am anymore,” Dazai admitted a bit sheepishly. “I don’t think my waist size has changed, but my legs are longer than last time I did this.”

“That at least gives us a starting point. It’s not like we’re in a rush anyway. Why don’t we start about where you used to be and go from there?” The mechanic suggested as he wandered to one of the displays. “We have time to look around elsewhere too if you don’t like what’s here.”

“Chibi is very smart.” Dazai looked through the racks, pulling out a few pairs that were a little longer than what he remembered buying last, and in a couple of different cuts, then headed for the fitting rooms. It took three trips and almost half an hour, but he finally figured out what worked, and walked out of the room in a pair of skinny jeans that actually felt pretty decent.

“What do you think, Chuuya?” he asked, calling over to the redhead.

Chuuya had passed the time by continuing to wander, occasionally pulling things off the rack that he thought might look good, either on himself or on Dazai, although he didn’t end up with much of a pile. When the brunette emerged from the dressing room, he made his way over, eyeing him critically. 

“Those look pretty good. Looks like they fit right too. I’m a bit surprised you went right for skinny jeans though. Were you thinking about sticking to blue or do you want some other colors?”

“Mostly sticking to blue, I think, at least for these. And this was the first pair that felt right. Most of the more relaxed fits just hang oddly. But at least I know my size now,” Dazai said with a grin. “I want to get more sweatpants too, and a few pairs of slacks. And I suppose I should try on a few dress shirts, too. We might be here a while. Is anything in that pile for me?”

“I liked the more relaxed fits for everyday wear because it’s easier to move around in, but I don’t think you’re as active as I usually am.” Chuuya shrugged and pulled out the few pieces he’d grabbed for his partner. A pair of black slacks, a pair of beige slacks (he’d been surprised to find them, this late in the year), a few t-shirts that seemed good for days they had nothing planned, and a really soft sweater, given the cooler temperatures coming. He wasn’t sure if Dazai actually needed anything he’d grabbed but he’d tried. “I didn’t grab any sweatpants, but I can probably find some if you want me to look. “

“Not usually, no. And I can look for those if you want to try on your stuff,” Dazai agreed, taking the clothes and ducking back into the fitting room. The tshirts fit fine and were soft and comfy, the sweater was probably going to become his favorite piece of clothing that winter, and the slacks… the black pair was a little short, but the beige ones fit fine and looked rather good on him.

He hung the rejected clothes on the rack outside the rooms and headed over to the dressier section. Most of the dress shirts were white, which was boring, but there was a striped blue one… he grabbed that, and a black waistcoat after some debate, and tried them on with the slacks.

“What do you think, Chuuya?” he asked, leaving the fitting room. 

The redhead looked him over. It wasn’t a bad color combination, honestly, if a bit plain, and Dazai wore it well. Not everybody looked good in that sort of wear but Dazai really did. 

“I like it. It looks like business casual, but you pull it off. Your coat would look good with it too, which is a bonus.” He had quickly tried on a few items of his own, but only walked away with a sweater of his own - one he was hopefully _not_ going to absently wear to the garage or bay this time - and an off-the-shoulder shirt that had fit surprisingly well. “What do you think of it?”

“I like it too. It’s comfortable, and the shirt sleeves are loose enough they don’t pull the bandages. I’m not going to get a regular tie, though. I can’t really close the top buttons on dress shirts for long without sweating to death,” the brunette said.

“Without, then?” Chuuya asked as he eyed the formal corner again. Now that he thought about it he wasn’t entirely sure he had a tie. Once upon a time he’d had one, but… shenanigans happened. “I don’t think you really need one anyway. It would push it over into business.”

“True. Alright, that covers the fancy stuff. Just need the sweats and some shirts to work in. It’s almost too bad I can’t really wear tank tops in the bays like Chuuya. Too many ways stuff can catch,” Dazai said, finding a few long-sleeved cotton work shirts and three or four pairs of dark sweatpants, as well as a few more pairs of the jeans, as they talked. “There. That should hold me for a bit.” 

He piled everything on the counter, then ducked back in the fitting room again to change back into his normal clothes. “Ready to go, Chibi?”

“Yeah. I didn’t need much, but I found a few things I liked.” Chuuya waited for the attendant to check his partner out before he stepped forward to pay for his own things. “So where do we want to go from here? We should probably drop these off at the bike though.”

“Alright. Will all this fit in the compartment?” Dazai asked, looking at the bags. He hadn’t really planned on buying this much.

“Ah.” Chuuya looked at the bags and quickly calculated. “Maybe? I don’t know if they’d fit with the helmets though.”

“We should probably pop back and drop everything off, then.” The brunette started gathering bags, hanging them off his long arms. “Maybe we can head down to the pier after? It’s nice out, and I haven’t really gotten to see much of the ocean.”

“There probably won’t be a better day to do it for a while.” Chuuya agreed, his own bag in one hand, the other stuck in a pocket. “We can probably find something to do around there too if we get bored, too.”

Dazai smiled and bent to kiss Chuuya on the cheek in thanks.

An hour later, they were by the water, sitting on the edge of the pier. “I’ve always loved the water,” Dazai said, a little wistfully. “It’s been forever since I’ve actually been out in it, though.”

Chuuya nodded thoughtfully. It made sense, given his bandages and everything, that he wouldn’t make it a habit to go out and bare himself like that. “Water in general, like pools and lakes, or the ocean specifically?”

“The ocean, mostly. It’s the first thing I really remember. I’m still not sure how I got there, but somehow I ended up in Aomori. That’s where Fukuzawa found me.” He grinned. “I stole his wallet. Or tried to, anyway.”

“You _tried to steal his wallet?_ ” Chuuya snorted. “I barely know the guy and I know that’s a bad idea.”

He leaned back on his arms, looking out over the ocean as it sparkled in the sunlight.

“I… Don’t really remember when Ane-san took me in. It’s all just kind of jumbled until at least a few days or weeks later, and by then I had already accepted I was under her care, I guess. Everybody said it was okay, that it wasn’t unheard of when going through a big change, although nobody really told me what it was changing from. I think either the bays or Ane-san’s room were probably my first real memory.” The redhead said after a moment. “Did you ever go back to that first ocean?”

“Once. Odasaku took me and the kids on a vacation there for about a week. It was pretty much how I remembered it. We all spent so much time swimming…” Dazai’s voice had gone soft. “It’s actually the last time I swam in the ocean. He died a few months later. I haven’t been able to bring myself to go back in since.”

Chuuya looked over to Dazai, quickly taking in the tears that had started to spill from mahogany eyes, and sat up, one hand going to Dazai’s back.

“You know, I think he’d be glad that you got to go with them, even if you haven't been back. Even if you never go back to Aomori or swim in the ocean. I’m pretty sure he loved every moment of the trip with you, and he’d understand whether you went back or not.”

“I know. You’re right, he would, and I don’t really miss Aomori, but…I miss the water. I miss it, but I’m afraid of it too. It took me months to admit that to myself.” Dazai leaned into Chuuya’s shoulder, one hand scrubbing at his eyes. “I’m an occasionally suicidal Jaeger pilot who’s afraid to go in the ocean because I might die there. How fucked up is that? I’m fine with the drift, fine with walking into a Jaeger, even fine with piloting again, but I can’t walk past my knees in the fucking water. God. I don’t even know how it’s going to go the first time we get dropped.”

He went silent for a moment, then shook his head. “Sorry. I broke my own rule for today. I promised no heavy conversations. It’s just… somehow I always end up by the ocean. Aomori, Koshiro, LA, here, it’s been a constant presence. I still love it, but I can’t _trust_ it anymore. And that hurts like hell.”

Chuuya leaned against Dazai, his arm wrapping around his partner as he thought. “Trust… is a hard thing to fix, once it’s been broken. It’s fragile, but it's strong too, when you have it. It’s okay that you don’t trust it any more given everything. If we get dropped into it… Maybe you could put your faith in me instead? Or our drift. Whatever you need to, to get through it. A lot of things changed quickly, and it was probably going to come up sooner or later, so maybe it’s better that it comes up on a day we don’t have to rush through it.” He laid his head on Dazai’s, sighing a bit as he thought about how to word what he was thinking. “Maybe one day you’ll be able to put your trust in it again, but it’s not something you can force yourself into doing. If it happens, it happens.”

“Put my faith in Chuuya. I think I can do that.” Dazai leaned into Chuuya’s hold. “Thanks, Chibi.”

They sat for a little while longer, just watching the water and holding each other. Eventually, Dazai stretched and kissed Chuuya on the cheek. “So, what do you want to do now? More shopping? The other day one of the techs was talking about something called the Red Brick Warehouse. It sounded intriguing.”

“It’s a fun place - a ton of shops and it’s busy a lot, but worth it if you haven’t been. It’s a ways away, but we have time to kill. Did you have anything in particular you wanted to shop for?” Chuuya stretched as well, giving Dazai his own peck on the cheek before he stood up, extending a hand to his partner to help him stand. “There’s cafes to grab something if we get hungry, too.”

“Sounds like a plan. And no, nothing really specific.” Dazai took Chuuya’s hand and pulled himself up. “I just thought it might be nice to wander for a bit. And maybe I can find something to send up to the kids.”

“True. They’d like that.” He mused as he looked around, trying to remember if he knew exactly where the Warehouse was from their spot. “We could probably easily spend the afternoon there.” 

“Okay.” Just for the heck of it, he bent and captured Chuuya’s lips with his own. “Love you,” he murmured as they parted. 

“Love you too,” The redhead responded, his hands going to the other’s hips to hold them close for a moment before they moved to walk back to the bike. It wasn’t far, but out of the way and somewhere it wasn’t likely to be eyed, since Chuuya wasn’t looking to have his bike stolen. From where they were, the Warehouse was a fairly quick trip. Breakfast and shopping with his boyfriend. This _may_ be the most normal teenager-y thing Chuuya had ever done, and as he felt Dazai's arms go around him, he couldn't imagine wanting to do it with anyone else.


End file.
